Wally with a Brolly

With the start of the FA Cup and the return of the Premier League, it was time to have another quick chat with Westy and Chaka Demus. You know the deal by now. Enjoy.

1- The FA Cup finally proper got under way. Out of 10, rate your level of interest in the competition, and why?

Westy: 2 - purely because I have to watch the ITV coverage. Nothing has ever made me appreciate Lawro so much as watching Andy Townsend and Gordon Strachan manage to talk for 4 minutes without saying anything useful.

Why Bappo and Westy don't follow the FA Cup any more.

Chaka Demus: My interest would be a solid 8/9. I love it because it's a pure football competition. 11 versus 11. A tiny team like Hastings Town can play a Championship team like Boro. Magic.

Bappo: 1- sadly I don't really care about the FA Cup any more. That's probably because Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool or Man Utd have won in total 21 of the last 25 finals. I don't care about the old school shocks because they don't really happen any more and big teams don't really take the Cup seriously. Oh, and I'm meant to watch the whole of the FA Cup on ITV? Please.

2- Luis Suarez got a bit handsy once again. Was it cheating to you? And name your top 5 most hated cheats.

Westy: Genuinely haven't seen it yet - I wouldn't be surprised, but the reaction is very over the top. Granted, he deserves this reputation, but would you expect van Persie, Aguero or Torres (were he ever to score) to admit a handball? So why castigate Suarez so much (on this occasion)?

He's no Robbie Fowler!


Top 3 cheats - I can't think of another two to single out.

1) Suarez. For destroying the dreams of all Africa and being responsible for a lot of people hating Uruguay.
2) Carlos Alberto. For me, the Mourinho win at Old Trafford in 2004 was characterised by three things: an extremely lucky and frustrating equaliser, a Paul Scholes disallowed goal when he was played onside by three players, and this man, who covered more yards rolling than running. Thankfully he's rotting back in Brazil now.
3) Drogba. A great player, no denying that, but the fact that a 6'2 beast - the ultimate physical striker - culd never stay on his feet was infuriating.

Chaka Demus: It wasn't as obvious as his handball in the World Cup but it was definitely a hand ball. He certainly had time to get his hand out of the way of the ball. It makes it all the worse that he has done it against a Conference team as well. £600k could have changed that club beyond belief.

Top 5 cheats - 1. That little Argentinian coke addict crazy man. 2. Rivaldo - ball kicked in legs, holds face. SHAMEFUL. 3. Sergio Biscuits - peeking through his fingers when lying on the ground. 4. Gilardino - the worst dive I have ever seen. Milan v Celtic 2007. YouTube it. 5. Marco Materazzi - needed to man up and not make such a meal of what Zizou did. Lolz!



Bappo: Not as bad as his hand ball at the World Cup, although everyone would have done what he did against Ghana. If Rooney/Gerrard/Terry had done it and England had gone through no-one would take a moral high ground. But that's another story. The problem is more Suarez's celebration when he scores despite knowing he got 'lucky'. That and his rat face. If Paul Cox (Mansfield's manager) doesn't blame him then who are we to do so? Of course it's not ideal and I wish it didn't happen but it does happen.

Top 5 cheats - 1. Maradona. Obvious reasons. 2. The guy who dived by hitting his own face with his own hand. Pure devilish genius. 3. Slaven Bilic. For going down like he'd been shot after Laurent Blanc touched his chin with the palm of his hand. Cost Blanc the chance to play (and win) a World Cup final. Shameful. 4. Luis Suarez. See above and rat face. 5. Loads of British players like Gareth Bale and Danny Welbeck. They do dive as well you know.



3- The FIFA Ballon d'Or  was handed out to Messi yet again. But if there was an award for worst player of the year in the Premier League, who would you hand it to?

Westy: Until a few days ago, Shauny Wright-Phillips was nailed on for this, but his goal against Chelsea means that he's now actually done something this year aside from nail crosses repeatedly into Row Z. Sadly I think I have to give this one to Torres. I just don't get how a striker can perform so poorly in a team that good.

Chaka Demus: This is a tough one. I think I am going to say either Andre Santos or Philippe Senderos. Both are truly hopeless.

A typical Senderos tackle. Exhibit A of why Chaka Demus gave him a dubious award.

Bappo: I was thinking of Torres but he's actually scored goals. Then I thought of the whole QPR team but they did have a decent run. I'll nominate three players:
1) Bobby Zamora. For joining QPR because he thought that would bring him to Euro 2012. Tough luck mate.
2) Andy Johnson. For making his living out of one season where he scored 50 penalties and doing his usual 'I join a club and get injured for the rest of the season' trick. Did you say he was one of Fulham's and QPR's best-paid players? I thought so myself.
3) James Collins. Because he has to stop attempting a back-pass.

Out of pure bias I'm going to name Bobby Z as my winner. Serves you right for leaving Fulham for a bigger club. On an unrelated matter, the managerial award would go to Mark Hughes. Can I just say 'Ha-ha!'?



4- What do you make of Harry Redknapp's start at QPR so far? Will they beat his old club Tottenham at the week-end?

Westy: No, because 'Arry taught all the Tottenham players everything they know. No matter the result (QPR will lose), 'Arry will be the one who takes the plaudits...according to him.

Chaka Demus: He couldn' really have done any worse than what was happening at QPR already and he has done reasonably well. They won't beat Spurs this week-end. And they will go down.

Not everyone's cup of tea.

Bappo: He's done OK and he's been lucky - they should never have beaten Chelsea, and they've played bad teams. They won't beat Tottenham and that'll be because Spurs have great players 'Arry brought to the club in the first place; That's what he'll tell us to justify another abject performance. It's really a win-win situation for Redknapp. It's not like he cares about QPR. He has a reputation to uphold you see.

5- If you had to make 3 predictions about the January transfer window, what would they be?

Westy: Chelsea to re-sign Lampard. Arsenal to re-sign Walcott, and immediately put him on the wing. Papiss to rediscover his form now he's the main man again.

Chaka Demus: I didn't want this to happen but the talks of Wilf going to the Manure look to be true which is disappointing. Secondly, Lampard to Utd as well. It beggars belief but I think if Chelsea can be that thick as to let him go then he deserves to go to another 'top club' and with the relatively wak midfield Man Utd have at the moment he would slot in nicely. Lastly, I really hope Michu stays at Swansea but I could see him on the move for enough money...

Lampard's future interests both Westy and Chaka Demus, but they have different views.

Bappo: QPR and Redknapp will bring in new players to 'freshen up the place'. Roberto Mancini to ask for several new players otherwise "Man City won't be able to challenge". And the usual rumours about Balotelli.

6- Which of the recent transfers already completed have impressed you the most?

Westy: No surprises here - Demba Ba has been awesome and just what Chelsea needed, another Drogba. Other than that, Reading's capture of Carriço is pretty impressive.

Demba Ba: a superb yet obvious piece of business.

Chaka Demus: Demba Ba - how Newcastle possibly left that £7m clause in his contract I will never know! Good luck to him at Chelsea...poor Fernando.

Bappo: Mathieu Debuchy to Newcastle for £4.7m. How often do you get an international wing-back (he played all 4 games for France at Euro 2012) in the prime of his career (26) for less than £5m. Ridiculous. And of course Demba Ba. Well played Sir, well played. Can I mention QPR's capture of Tal Ben Haim as well? That was of course a joke.

Debuchy to Newcastle: Bappo argues that Newcastle haven't completely come out as losers in January.

7- Fulham - Wigan and Aston Villa - Southampton at the week-end. Who will be dragged down into the dreaded relegation fight, who will escape, and why?

Westy: If they don't start D dot (Bent), Villa will be. They've been criminally bad recently and seem all over the place defensively. They'll be shaken after the Bradford result as well.

Chaka Demus: Villa. They are a shambles. My senior school team used to defend better than they did against Bradford.

Bappo: Everyone but Fulham, hopefully. In all seriousness, Wigan, Villa and Southampton all have serious weaknesses. You shouldn't avoid relegation when Franco Di Santo is one of your main strikers. Nor when luminaries such as Nathan Baker form an important part of your team. Or when Jos Hooiveld, Yoshida and/or José Fonte play football. But I think Villa are really in deep trouble. They're awful at the back and in midfield (Stephen Ireland still plays football??!!!). Fulham will escape because they have Berbatov, and people should just keep calm and pass him the ball. Honestly.

Just follow the instructions and you'll be OK.

8- Liverpool and Arsenal both face the Manchester clubs. Who has a better chance of making it into the top four this season, and why?

Westy: Erm, Arsenal. If they make a few decent transfers and get Vermaelen back on form then they could yet challenge for third as Chelsea are stuttering. Liverpool are still a bit one-dimensional for me, and I think Sturridge and the other Rodgers signings will take a bit more time to bed in properly.

Vermaelen: if he stops being so laid-back then Arsenal will finish in the top four.

Chaka Demus: Liverpool. Arsenal are too erratic. And as per usual, won't spend any money in January. Other than to break their wage structure to keep Theo. He isn't that good. Ridiculous.

Bappo: I put Liverpool and Tottenham to finish 3rd and 4th respectively in a previous Round Table so I'll have to stick to my guns. With the massive mix-up that is the race for 3rd/4th, anything is up in the air. Who's to tell me Liverpool aren't going to go on a great run like Chelsea did at the start of the season? It's not entirely impossible. After all, they're due one. It's not really an indictment of Liverpool's performances or Rodgers' style but I guess I must go with them. Too many teams will screw up at one point for Liverpool not to have a chance at 3rd. As for Arsenal they're on a path to failure, although I have a sneaky feeling that I'll be proved wrong.

9- If you could make one transfer happen, which one would it be?

Westy: Messi to Weymouth Town. (An unsuccessful attempt was made in France: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/mar/10/barcelona-lionel-messi-transfer-bid)

Chaka Demus: Zaha can go to Man Utd if we take RVP. Straight switch. Seems fair.

Bappo: Andy Carroll on loan to Macclesfield Town. Because that's where he belongs and I shudder at the thought of him downing Jagerbombs in Macclesfield's town centre. Mostly because I don't know where the hell Macclesfield is.

10- Reports indicate that 'Fat Frank' Lampard is heading out of Chelsea at the end of the season. What are your views on it and where do you think he will end up?

Westy: I think Chelsea will bow to the pressure from the stands and, rightly, sign him up. He deserves a bit of loyalty from the club that is famous for having none. It's pretty clear that Benitez wants him and he still has a role to play bringing through the younger players from that famous academy...
Still, digs at Chelsea aside, he should stay at the club. Just look at Giggs and Scholes for the benefits that keeping the older pros around can bring. Also, he's actually a decent bloke, and there's not that many of them at Stamford Bridge (ok, there was one more dig).

Chaka Demus: See above. I think it will be a crime if they let him go. Their petulant fans are angry enough as it is. Letting Frank go is only to make them throw more toys out their collective toy box. I could certainly see him at Man Utd. Or perhaps Everton? Who knows...he is a true professional and a gent and I wish him the best of luck wherever.

Could we see this happen?

Bappo: It looks like a game of cat and mouse between Chelsea and Lampard but I'm pretty sure he's gone. All the rumours about him being willing to take a massive pay cut to stay are just rumours. They're good PR so Lamps doesn't look like a d**k when he joins LA Galaxy. And why shouldn't he leave? He'll get a good contract at some MLS club willing to overspend on past glories (hello Thierry Henry & co!), will live in LA (where it's sunny) or New York and will occasionally play football. Not too bad for a 35-year-old man.
As for Chelsea they should get rid of him. He's slow and he's getting injured. Sure he can still play a bit but it's time to give the keys of this team to Mata, Hazard and Oscar. Lampard is just a remnant of an unsavoury (albeit successful) past. And he had too much power. Of course we heard about Terry and Drogba conspiring to get people like Scolari and AVB the sack, but I'm pretty sure Lamps played an active role in AVB's dismissal. The difference between him and someone like Terry is that Lamps has half a brain and good PR skills.
Was that a rant? All in all Lamps will leave and both parties will be happy.



The Week-end's Predictions

QPR vs Tottenham
Westy (0-2), Chaka Demus (1-4), Bappo (0-3)


Aston Villa vs Southampton
Westy (1-2), Chaka Demus (0-2), Bappo (2-2)


Everton vs Swansea
Westy (2-0), Chaka Demus (2-1), Bappo (2-1)


Fulham vs Wigan
Westy (1-1), Chaka Demus (2-1), Bappo (2-1)


Norwich vs Newcastle
Westy (2-1), Chaka Demus (2-1), Bappo (1-1)


Reading vs West Brom
Westy (0-2), Chaka Demus (1-3), Bappo (0-1)


Stoke vs Chelsea
Westy (0-3), Chaka Demus (0-0 PARK THE BUS!), Bappo (1-1)


Sunderland vs West Ham
Westy (2-1), Chaka Demus (2-3), Bappo (1-1)


Man Utd vs Liverpool
Westy (2-1), Chaka Demus 7 GOAL THRILLER! MAN UTD TO SCORE 3 IN THE LAST 10 TO WIN 4-3. SAF TO THEN DO HIS LITTLE JIG. HOW CAN HE STILL NOT CELEBRATE A GOAL PROPERLY AFTER 26 YEARS ???!!!! F*CK'S SAKE. RANT!, Bappo (2-1, with goal for Man Utd in last 10 mins)


Arsenal vs Man City
Westy (1-2), Chaka Demus (1-1), Bappo (1-0)

Next up in our list is another French player, this time Romain Alessandrini of Rennes.

Alessandrini: a difficult path to Ligue 1 but now he's heading for the top.

French football seems to love a tale of rags to riches. From Drogba to Ribery and more recently Mathieu Valbuena, Laurent Koscielny or Olivier Giroud, the Ligue 1 seems to unearth gems who haven't reached the top in a conventional way. All four of them played at the equivalent of League 1 or even lower (for Valbuena, Koscielny and Giroud) and yet went on to play for top European clubs as well as for their country.

Romain Alessandrini might just be another example. After a tough footballing upbringing, the young Rennes winger discovered Ligue 1 football this season at the age of 23. But he literally had to survive before that to keep such a dream alive.

Alessandrini started in Marseille's youth team. Having grown up in the city itself, his mind was clearly set on pulling on the great white OM shirt. With players like Laurent Blanc, Ravanelli and then Drogba playing in Marseille, and knowing the ebullient nature of the city for its football team, it was no surprise that a young Romain dreamt of showing off his skills at the Velodrome.

But it wasn't to be. Not showing enough potential, and with a slight physical nature, Alessandrini wasn't kept at Marseille past the age of 15. Undeterred, he searched another club in which he could finish his apprenticeship. For a man of sunny South of France, it must have come as a shock that his only option was FC Gueugnon, a club from the East of France situated in Burgundy. Forget the glamour of Marseille, Gueugnon was heading down the leagues, dropping out of Ligue 2 in the early 2000's, only years after winning the League Cup past all odds (with a young Sylvain Distin!).

But Romain displayed great determination and stuck it out. He was rewarded during the 2008-2009 season when he finally played his first games for the club in National, the equivalent of League 1. After a promising first season in which he played 27 league games, Alessandrini turned professional in 2009.

But then disaster struck. A bad injury in the first game of the 200-2010 season left him on the sidelines for most of the campaign. But his return for the last few games of the season showed him to be a young player with potential.

And Clermont came sniffing around. As perennial Ligue 2 strugglers, the club was used to shopping in the lower leagues, and they clearly saw something in Alessandrini. Signing the winger on a two-year contract in the summer of 2010, Clermont nonetheless didn't expect the sort of impact Romain would have.

22 goals in two seasons from the left wing helped propel Clermont up the table. Consistently in the top 3 for a majority of the 2011-2012 season, the club finally finished 5th, with a small squad suffering from the repeated physical demands of a long season.

But Alessandrini's time had been a clear success. He had been the main creative force in an overachieving team, and had even been voted in Ligue 2's team of the year in both seasons at Clermont. It was time for him to move on to bigger things.

And he wasn't short of suitors. Sochaux were the favourites but the 23 year-old decided to join a rebuilding Rennes at the last minute. And boy has he set the world alight. Playing on the left wing in a pleasant, ball-playing team, Alessandrini has already scored 7 goals in 16 Ligue 1 games, and a few spectacular ones.


Even though he is predominantly left-footed and of a relatively small build (1m73 only), Alessandrini has impressed by his ease on the ball and his ability to create as well as score important goals. With Rennes lurking in 4th, only 6 points behind the leaders, there is a possibility we might see Alessandrini in Europe next season. That is, if he hasn't made it to the France team before that. A likeable prospect for the future.


Worst case scenario: A left-footed Mathieu Valbuena
Best case scenario: A better, less selfish version of Hatem Ben Arfa.

We continue our round-up of promising youngsters with Remy Cabella from Montpellier in Ligue 1.

Remy Cabella: slowly but surely reaching the top.

Last season proved to be a memorable one for Montpellier. With a pack of youngsters and some untested or unknown senior players, Olivier Giroud's old club managed to beat off the Qatari-backed PSG to their first Ligue 1 title. Of course Giroud and Younes Belhanda got many of the headlines for such a feat, and rightly so, as they were the technical leaders of an enthusiastic team.

Fast forward to January 2013 and Montpellier's title seems far away. A sluggish start to their Ligue 1 campaign, along with early elimination from the Champions' League and rumours of rifts between players and manager René Girard, meant that Belhanda's stock, in particular, has fallen off the cliff.

One of the lone bright sparks in Montpellier's season has been the continued emergence of Remy Cabella. Capable of playing in central midfield or down the wings, the 22-year-old was a member of Montpellier's Coupe Gambardella's winning side of 2009 (the Coupe Gambardella is France's FA Youth Cup).

Following that title, Remy has steadily progressed. He joined struggling Ligue 1 club Arles-Avignon on loan in 2010-2011 where he managed to score 3 goals in 17 games for a club destined for the drop and lacking in cohesion.

Rejoining his parent club the season after, he played an active role on the way to the title, either off the bench or as the first choice to cover an injury. Playing in a variety of positions, sometimes even in a deep role, Cabella played in 29 matches, scoring only 3 goals but providing good link-up play between midfield and attack.

This season has been the one where he has confirmed all the hopes placed in him. Now an undisputed started, and playing on the wing but often cutting inside, Cabella has already contributed 5 goals at the half-way point of the season in Ligue 1. He has been Montpellier's most consistent player and has filled the creative gap explained by Belhanda's loss of form.

Cabella has also proven himself on the international stage, earning 17 U-21 caps for France and participating in this season's Champions' League. He was notably Montpellier's best player in a tight encounter against Arsenal at La Mosson.

With two good feet and bags of creativity, Remy Cabella seems to be heading for the top and will soon be a name to be reckoned with in Ligue 1. He's certainly going in the right direction.



Worst case scenario: A less selfish, less technical version of Samir Nasri
Best case scenario: A less selfish, better version of Samir Nasri.

Here at Wally we're always trying to introduce players to our readers. We tend to watch an obscene amount of football and so think we might be able to unearth some future gems who get no coverage in the UK due to the press's Premier League-centric approach.

All the players we'll introduce to you are still young (generally under 23) and play abroad. We haven't delved into the Championship and the lower leagues because we believe these get enough airtime.

So here we go, and the first player on our list is James Rodriguez of Porto. Not Jay Rodriguez of Southampton. That one has a long way to go.

Only 21 and already an integral player for Porto and Colombia.

Remember Ricardo Quaresma? By the time he turned 21, Ricardo had already played (and failed) for Barcelona and Sporting Lisbon. He was coming back to Portugal, this time for Porto. And boy did he set the world alight. Quaresma was an outrageously skilful winger who only had one foot, his right boot. Seriously, the guy did not want to cross with his left foot so he developed an incredible outside-of-the-boot crossing ability which was called 'la trivela'.



From a purely aesthetic point of view it was glorious. But it wasn't the most efficient way of finding your striker's head.

Anyway, after four seasons at Porto where he scored around a goal every 5 games (not too bad for a winger), Quaresma left for Inter, where he failed once again to adapt. Since then he has played for Chelsea on loan (you don't remember him?), Besiktas and now reportedly for Al Ahli, wherever that is.

What has this all got to do with James Rodriguez?

James Rodriguez (I'm not calling him JR) is the new Quaresma. He's pacy, incredibly skilful, can play on both wings but prefers the opposite one. He's a left-footed version of Quaresma in that he plays on the right-wing.

So why am I mentioning James Rodriguez if I'm comparing him to the failure that was Quaresma? Surely that's not a great indictment of his talent.

Except that James is already better than Quaresma ever was at Porto. A versatile player able to play in any attacking midfield position, Rodriguez has also added goals to his game since his first season at Porto. After scoring a respectable 6 goals in 32 games in his debut season, the little Colombian winger scored 14 in 38 last season and is already close to hitting double figures this season. He also hasn't displayed any of the sort of selfishness which constantly plagued Quaresma throughout his career.

Voted the Portuguese League's Breakthrough Player of 2011-2012, James Rodriguez has already proven himself at international and domestic levels and is a vital player for a European powerhouse (yes, that's how I would qualify Porto). He is definitely one to look out for in 2013.



Worst case scenario: Ricardo Quaresma
Best case scenario: A better version of Pedro (Barcelona)

Here at Wally we've decided to set out our teams of 2012. These are strictly limited to the Premier League. Here's my view on that team, with Chaka Demus and Westy's teams to come. Expect surprises, nonsense and some actual logic...sometimes.

The rules are simple: a straight throwback 4-4-2 in which you can pick ANY player who played in the Premier League during the year 2012. Yes it means, technically, any player from Jeff Cameron, Cameron Jerome, Jerome Thomas, Thomas Vermaelen to...wait, who's first name is Vermaelen?

Let's be honest, making a team of the year is no easy thing. Mostly because, at Wally, we're not basing it on a season. We're basing it on the calendar year. This throws up many dilemmas like "Will Michu make the team" or "can I justify putting Michael Owen as my main striker?". Okay, that second question was absolute B.S. Except in Michael Owen's own mind.

This is also a problem when you're faced with long injury lay-offs or dramatic loss of form. I mean, were he fit, I think we can pretty much agree that Nemanja Vidic would have a great case for making the team. Except he's barely played.

Joleon Lescott is also a good example. After all, he was imperial in helping Man City winning the title, partnering Vincent Kompany effectively to make that pairing the toughest in the Premier League. He was also arguably one of England's best players at Euro 2012, often looking like the main leader Hodgson's team needed at the back. And yet, here comes the 2012-2013 season and Mancini's sudden bromance with Nastasic (who admittedly looks very good) and Joleon is seemingly on his way out. Incredible Jeff!

The best thing as well about choosing your team for the year is the opportunity for serious bias. Wayne Rooney's had a good year? I couldn't care less, he's not making my team.

So now, with further ado, here's my team for 2012.

GOALKEEPER

Tim Krul

Great hair, and always good to hear a Dutch Geordie.

You know how you realise that a goalkeeper is actually very good? When he makes players in front of him look better than they actually are. Which is why I've chosen Tim Krul. Of course, with that argument, I could have picked Ali Al-Habsi. I mean, the guy has Figueroa, Caldwell and Alcaraz in front of him. Yikes.

But I thought it should go to Krul. Newcastle should never have finished as high as they did last season. Yes Cabaye, Tiote, Ba and Cisse were incredible. Danny Simpson is also decent but the rest of the back four? Wow.

I'm not even talking about Mike Williamson. At least he has no pretension of even being a decent player. But the fact Coloccini has been talked about as an incredible defender pisses me off. The man is a bad defender, otherwise why do I always see him fail to mark his man (in an admirable manner) whenever Newcastle concede? I swear to you, the guy is often at fault but, because he throws himself in front of a striker, he gets a pass.

Wait, wasn't I meant to congratulate Tim Krul? I've got three words for you to describe Tim: efficient, solid and underrated. And I'm still waiting for a pundit to shout out "that was cruel for Krul!". Seriously, when are we going to get that? Get on it G dot Nev!

RIGHT-BACK

Pablo Zabaleta

Quien es Micah Richards?

"Why doesn't Micah Richards start? He's a beast of a man!" used to be a common statement around the Etihad. Of course, this was mostly due to three facts:
1. Micah Richards IS a beast
2. Micah Richards is English
3. Micah Richards doesn't know the offside rule, but he's always going to throw himself in front of tackles, and that's what English fans enjoy seeing from their defenders.

Funnily enough, we don't really hear such comments anymore. This is due mostly to Pablo Zabaleta's fantastic form on the right hand side of Man City's defence. Composed on the ball, fast and able to mark his opponents tightly, and with a sound knowledge of what a 'defensive line' is, Zabaleta was an unsung hero of Man City's title conquest. What has also helped him stake his place in this team is the complete dearth of any remotely above average right backs. Only Glen Johnson comes to mind but his season wasn't as impressive as Pablo, but not by much. Otherwise, were you really expecting me to put Rafael in? I'd rather put Billy Jones.

But congratulations to Pablo. It's not his fault simply 'being solid' deserves an award now that the art of defending died in the Premier League. But this is no knock on Zabaleta; I'd take him in my team any day, and I think Roberto Mancini thinks the same.

CENTRAL DEFENDERS

Vincent Kompany

A quiet force of nature.

He was the first name on my list. Classy both on and off the pitch, no ego in a team devoured by arrogant players, and the tendency to turn up for the big games. Not only is Vincent Kompany an exemplary captain, but he has been the Premier League's best defender for the last 18 months. Admittedly it's not that difficult when you consider how tactically and defensively inept the Premier League as a whole is. But the soft-spoken Kompany clearly was an inspirational player during Man City's run to the title. It became quite evident that Mancini relied a lot on him and he was repaid with superb performances.

Steven Caulker

Bit of a surprise, but there aren't too many solid defenders in the Premier League anymore. That's not meant as a knock to the promising Caulker.

The second centre back was a more difficult choice, mostly due to the fact that absolutely no-one shone in that position throughout the year. I was thinking of adding Lescott until he was dropped by Mancini for Nastasic. Shame really as he was very good and formed a superb partnership with Kompany. I also thought about Jonas Olsson; he's not flashy but he's been very good for West Brom and has really helped them become an established Premier League club. Stoke have a good defence and I guess Shawcross and Huth deserve credit but they're a boring side and I hate the two previously-mentioned players because they're scum. So I wasn't going to reward Stoke by putting one of their players in. Phil Jagielka and/or Sylvain Distin were also nominated, mostly because they're absolute beasts and I'm a big fan of what Everton are doing. But their 2012-2013 season has seen them conceding too many goals for them to have a serious claim.

So I've settled on Steven Caulker. After all he had a very impressive period on loan at Swansea, where he made Angel Rangel and Neil Taylor look Premier League material. Since his return to Tottenham he has easily established himself as a first choice centre back, soon to be joined by Younes Kaboul in a dynamic, fast and powerful partnership.

Caulker has got all the tools to become a top defender: he's relatively quick, he's built like a tank and reads the game really well. Only 21, he has already shown significant Premier League quality and has become an integral part of a top of the table team. Impressive stuff from a very young and already consistent performer.
 
LEFT-BACK

Leighton Baines

I hope you don't mind travelling anymore, because you're probably not staying at Everton for long Leighton.

That one was pretty easy. Sure Ashley Cole still has it, but he's still an idiot/arrogant b*****d/Chelsea player/friend of Terry. All these disqualify him automatically. All joking and bias aside, 2012 was Leighton Baines's year. He was constantly Everton's most dangerous wide player and added defensive steel to his repertoire. His crossing ability, penalty-taking composure and all-around play improved to such levels that he is now a serious contender for the No.3 shirt for England. The likeable ex-Wigan player has now become such an accomplished left-back that the previously impervious Cole is looking over his shoulder. A superb year for the Everton wing-back and an undisputed (in my view) selection in my team of 2012.

RIGHT MIDFIELDER

Nathan Dyer

Underrated. And clever. Oh, and where's Scott Sinclair?

What, you thought I was going to put Antonio Valencia? The right-wing positio suffers from the same problem as the right-back spot: there aren't too many decent specialists anymore. And, to be fair, the Ecuadorian winger from Man Utd would have had a good claim, except that he's been vulnerable to Sir Alex's tactical tweaks, especially during the 2012-2013 season. One player who's been constantly good for his club has been Nathan Dyer. After struggling to actually make it as a starter in the Championship, Nathan found a match made in heaven when he joined Swansea in 2009. As the less heralded part of the Sinclair-Dyer duo, he nevertheless notched an impressive 5 goals during the 2011-2012 season and has already scored two since August. Blessed with terrific pace and a footballing brain which other wingers would love to have (I'm looking at you Theo Walcott), Dyer has been an integral part of Swansea's rise. A consistent player who keeps on getting better. I believe he deserves more attention and that he's been the best right-winger of 2012. A thoroughly likeable player due to the way he combines wing play with clever spacing for the marauding Angel Rangel. A cleverer and more complete winger than people give him credit for.

CENTRAL MIDFIELDERS

Yaya Touré

Simply the beast.

 A major reason why Man City became so good and eventually won the title was Yaya Toure's incredible play. He took games by the scruff of the neck and dictated play, whether from a deep or advanced position. Combining impressive physical strength with undoubted ability on the ball, the better of the Toure brothers (not too difficult, I'll admit) was, with Kompany and Aguero, the main driving force in Man City's conquest of the Premier League title. And, even though he hasn't been as good in the 2012-2013 season, no other player has the ability to change the game as he does in the Premier League. If you doubt that, rewind back to when he scored the 2 winning goals in the important 2-0 win over Newcastle in the penultimate game of the 2011-2012 season. A beast of a man. Even more than Micah Richards. Yes, that's actually possible.

The atypical Chelsea player: a nice guy.

More than Drogba, Terry, Lampard or even Ramires (who was definitely a contender), Juan Manuel Mata was the reason they won the Champions' League. His flair, work ethic and creativity made him the team's most valuable asset in 2012. He was Chelsea's primary source of assists and even scored a few goals in the process. The start to his 2012-2013 season has been even more impressive and just edged him ahead of his compatriot David Silva, who has himself suffered from a slight dip in form as well as several niggling injuries.JMM's (can I write that?) form over 2012 was consistently good with no serious dip in for;. The fact Chelsea have been quite poor in the league isn't down to Mata; it might have had something to do with the absence of any defence or holding midfielders and a ceratin misfiring Spanish striker.

Perhaps more importantly, Mata has been the sole sympathetic figure in a despicable team. And, in a selection based partly on bias, his class on and off the pitch made him an instant winner. A worthy selection.


LEFT MIDFIELDER

Gareth Bale

Stop diving. That's the only criticism I can aim at Gareth Bale.

Funnily enough, I'm starting to really dislike Gareth Bale. His annoying 'love' celebration and diving antics (5 bookings for diving in the 2012-2013 season alone!) are turning him into a bit of a pariah. But, just like Suarez, his ability just can't be questioned. And he's that good that I'm willing to overlook his transgressions. What is there to add to justify his inclusion in my team? The Welshman seems to be able to do it all lately, from scoring important goals to creating numerous chances in a variety of ways. Along with Dembele (a personal favourite), he's the driving force behind Tottenham's decent 2012. An impressive player who's still growing and learning the ropes. Scary.

STRIKERS

Sergio Aguero

The best moment of the year

Kun's arrival displayed the kind of blind ignorance of anything beyond the Premier League from which many people and pundits suffer in the UK. Man City had just bought a 23-year-old Argentina international with close to a 2:1 goal ratio in La Liga. And people were surprised when he set the Premier League alight. Seriously, you didn't see this coming?

Aguero was incredible in 2012. Energetic, skilful, a hard worker, he epitomised the qualities which Man City needed to win the title. He formed a devastating strike partnership with his fellow (albeit unprofessional) Argentine Carlos Tevez. Always dangerous, always lively, always available to team-mates, Aguero 'adapted' to the Premier League with lightning speed. I also personally appreciate him for the absence of any diving antics in his game.

A classy striker with a killer goal instinct. Aguero has it all and deserves his place in the Team of 2012. I had thought of including Papemba Bassé (the mixture of Papiss Cissé and Demba Ba) but he doesn't really exist, although he would have had a hell of a 2012. For this reason, and the fact I severely dislike Wayne Rooney, I've gone for Diego Maradon'a son-in-law who named himself after his favourite Tekken character. Who said Aguero wasn't fun?

Robin van Persie

RvP: bit of a douche, but a great player nonetheless

I don't particularly like RvP. I find him cocky, falsely humble, and always willing to pick on players when things turn south (remember when he had a go and laugh at Tim Krul? Not really likeable). But what a player. Finally free from injuries, the Dutchman demonstrated all year long why he had been touted by Wenger as one to look for. Banging in goals left, right and centre with a surprisingly good right foot and a growing aerial presence, van Persie became the shining example of what a modern striker is. Blessed with outstanding intelligence for the position, he was undoubtedtly THE player of 2012 for me with Kompany. Nothing more to add really.

Ho-ho-ho! No, that's not what Wayne Bridge leaves as a message on his ex's voicemail. It's just that, now that Christmas has just passed, we at Wally continue our regular Round Table with a review of 2012, and we look briefly at what 2013 has in store for us.

1- What would be your one football wish for 2013?

Westy: Arsene Wenger to actually see something he didn't want to.

Chaka Demus: This is going to be a fairly obvious one but I would wish for Palace to finish in the Top 2 and be promoted to the Prem. I can't take play-offs again. Although Holloway does seem to thrive in them. Autmoatic promotion would be appreciated. Please boys!

Crystal Palce: heading to the Premier League? That's what Chaka Demus wishes for.

Bappo: A reality check for all the people involved in football. Whether it's the semi-acceptance by all authorities that racially abusing a fellow footballer, or anyone for that matter, is worth only a few matches' ban, or a lesser fine than the one issed for showing your pants, it's shocking that football has become completely detached from real life. A reality check as well for journalists: listen to people rather than follow your own agenda. No one wanted Harry Redknapp as England manager except you, and there is no need to constantly berate and ridicule Roy Hodgson since he's been the most decent England manager for a while. And a reality check in the sense that we should stop the double standards: when an English/British player dives, it's a dive. Just name it so. And when Sir Alex behaves like a spolit child, punish him like one.

2- Looking back at 2012, what was your worst memory of that year?

Westy: United gifting Everton two goals to effectively hand the initiative to City. Then again, having started Jonny Evans the only surprise was that it hadn't happened earlier.

Chaka Demus: The penalty shoot-out against Italy.

Bappo: Chelsea. In everything they did. I don't think I need to add anything to that statement.

Bappo just threw up in his mouth

3- Looking back at 2012, what was your favourite memory of that year?

Westy: Much as I despise Chelsea, it's hard to top that Torres goal in Barcelona.  Then again, it has helped spawn that godawful "We know who we are" chant. A bunch of racists? The most hated team in England? Sycophantic pawns to amega-rich owner with bizarre flights of fancy? I could do this all day...



Chaka Demus: I will have to say all that happened in the aftermath of Fabrice Muamba's heart attack in March. Principally the fact that he survived of course.

It seems that 2012 has seen a resurgence of racism, violence and bigotry in football and that the 'beautiful game' is far from beautiful nowadays. The reaction of the crowd at White Hart Lane on the day, the outpouring of support during his recovery and the reception that he received on his return to both the Reebok and White Hart Lane show that for the most part football fans still have a great deal of humanity, compassion and love the game for the right reasons.


Bappo: The fact that we are reminded, sometimes, that football is a force for good. The reaction to Fabrice Muamba's heart attack and to Tito Vilanova's condition showed us that football fans can be good. Sometimes.

Real Madrid's support for Tito Vilanova: basic but heart-warming. What football can do.

4- Name your 5 players of 2012

Westy: Messi - full stop
            Ronaldo - arguably doing as good a job as Messi given that he's basically tying Real together at times.
            Mario Gotze - is fast becoming Europe's hottest prospect. His partnership with Reus is outstanding at times. Throwing Lewandowski and Blasczykowski into that mix is just unfair.
            Giorgio Chiellini - Juve had an outstanding year, and the big centre back played a huge role in their unbeaten season.
            Robin van Persie - he's finally turning in outstanding performances week after week. Great player.

Chaka Demus: Andrea Pirlo - for his hair, his beard and the fact that he totally dominated during the Euros.
                          Robin van Persie - thankfully he survived Ashley Williams' attempt on his life at the week-end! That really would have spoiled Sir Alex's Christmas RVP was unbelievable for Arsenal and he is unbelievable for Man Utd. Pure class.
                         Sergio Aguero - needs no introduction really. Hard-working, skillful, exciting to watch and capped off one of the greatest Premier League seasons ever with a goal deep in injury time against QPR. Brilliant.
                        Didier Drogba - Chelsea would not have won the FA Cup and Champions League without him. His play-acting aside, he has to be one of the best all-round players the Prem has ever seen.
                        Finally that little Argentinian fella who has scored nearly 100 goals this year...Messi I think his name is. Very tidy little player.

"A very tidy little player" according to Chaka Demus. Understatement of the year.

Bappo: Messi - Just incredible.
             Zlatan - Because not only is he arrogant but he's also the best 'real' striker in the world. He also won the league with AC Milan, scared the s**t out of France and England at the Euros and has been on superb form for PSG. Oh, and that goal.
             Andrea Pirlo - Because he led Juve to a Serie A title and probable Champions League glory (my dark horses). Because he was THE best player at Euro 2012. And because nobody quite combines that beard and hair combo and runs the game without ever running at full speed or actually tackling. An incredible player.
             Robin van Persie - Because, even though I'm not a huge fan of RvP as a person (arrogant, cocky, picks on the little players), he's still a superbly gifted player who scored at a Ronaldo-esque rate in the Premier League.
             Ronaldo - We simply forget how good he is. An awesome player and an actually very decent human being.

Andrea Pirlo: World football's best groomed player. And a decent footballer as well.

 5- Name your best game of 2012

Westy: Reading 5 - 7 Arsenal. Had this on Sky+ intending to watch the highlights, and it turned into the most entertaining game. Shame Reading couldn't quite go all the way and nick it at the end, but Chamakh's lob was a really good way to end it all. Amazing.

Chaka Demus: Man City vs QPR easily. Such drama! Unbelievable, Jeff! The look on Fergie's face when he thought he'd won it only to cut back to the Etihad and hear "AGUEROOOOOOOO!". Let's just say I'm glad that I was a neutral on that day.



Bappo: For pure entertainment, Sweden 4 - 2 England. I not only enjoyed it for Zlatan's absolute demonstration, but also because it finally showed to English fans that there are other things than the Premier League.

6- Name your 5 heroes of 2012

Westy: Javier Hernandez. Sure he isn't playing the whole time, but his contributions are superb and he's keeping United in this season's title race.
            Sergio Aguero. I know, it's a bold call from me, but that goal deserves it. Fair play.
            Messi. He's unreal, and it's no longer premature to call him the best player to ever grace the game. Just on a different level.
            RVP. For having a football kicked at him but living to tell the tale.
            Jack Wilshere. For spending over a year on the touchline to come back and be the only Arsenal player to give a ****.

           FABRICE MUAMBA

Is there really a need for any comment?

Chaka Demus: Roberto Martinez - he is a truly lovely man and he works miracles with the players that he has. Wigan's run of form at the end of last season was remarkable and this year they are playing some very good football but aren't getting the results they deserve. If they go down this year it'll be time for him to go to a better club.
                          Rafa Benitez - purely for the fact he doesn't give a toss what anyone thinks of him and just gets on with the job at hand. Fair play to you Senor.
                         Di Matteo - FA Cup and Champions League when they really should not have won either.             
                         Leon Osman.
                         Chris Hughton.

Bappo: Fabrice Muamba - For being alive and a great inspiration.
            Mark Clattenburg - Not for his refereeing but for his dignity when faced by the calomnious accusations from a group of players who should know something about racism.
             Psy - because I'm hoping that Peter Crouch will do 'Gangnam Style' next time he scores.
             David Luiz - for being who he is. Don't change who you are David.
             Zlatan Ibrahimovic - for being who he is. Don't change who you are Zlatan.
       

7- Name your 5 villains of 2012

Westy: Balotelli. What a clown.
            Joey Barton. See above.
            Arjen Robben/Messi. For missing penalties that could have sent the Champions League to a more worthy* winner (* they've deserved it before, but not this year)
           The Arsenal squad. For letting down your manager and your fans.
           Mark Hughes/Harry Redknapp/Anyone associated with QPR.

Chaka Demus: Joey Barton - I trust this needs no explanation.
                          John Terry - ditto. Him trying to get his hands on the Champions League trophy was a close second to losing to Italy as my worst memory of the past year.
                         Mario Balotelli - for stamping on Scotty Parker. He didn't get sent off and then went on to score the winning penalty.
                         Sergio Busquets - for ongoing diving, cheating and just generally being a disgrace of a human being and footballer.
                         Racist, cretinous, low-life c***s who call themselves football fans who shout and make obscene and offensive gestures towards players, referees and other fans which spoils the name of English football all over the world.

Bappo: Chelsea. Didn't deserve to win the Champions League, captain is a racist c**t they backed all the way, accused a decent man of (ironically?) being a racist, fans are awful, club is run like a joke.
             Stoke - for being who they are. The most soporific team in world football.
             Liverpool - see Chelsea. Daliglish and Suarez are especially at fault for turning a once-proud club into a joke. Suarez would have deserved his own mention but I thought it was nice to put the whole club on trial.
             Tony Fernandes - for screwing up QPR. Never been a fan of the R's but it's especially annoying to see someone with so much business acumen run a club that way.
             Joey Barton - for being who he is. I don't care what your views are on anything Joey. You should be in prison, just like your brother.

Predictable, but he's that much of an idiot. And I'm being polite.

8- Make 3 predictions for 2013

Westy: QPR to go down bitching and blaming everyone but themselves.
            United to sneak the title despite having a far worse squad than City or Chelsea.
            Liverpool's new start striker to get injured within a week.

Chaka Demus: Goal-line technology? Maybe? Or am I being too optimistic because it's Christmas? This is more of a wish than a prediction I guess.
                          Crystal Palace win the Championship and finish 2013 in the top half of the Premier League. Glorious.
                          Phil Brown decides that he likes gardening so much he starts a TVshow with Monty Don.

Wonderful.

Bappo: QPR go down and start a wonderful journey towards bankruptcy and League 2 within the next 5 years.
             Blackburn appoint Shebby Singh as manager with Steve Kean re-appointed as 'football consultant'.
             Owners across the UK panic and hand the likes of Iain Dowie, Phil Brown, Paul Ince, Steve Kean, Roy Keane some type of football-related job at their club.

9- What would be your team of 2012?

Westy:                                                    Buffon

Alves                                Chiellini                                   Kompany                                  Cole

                                        Marchisio                                Toure

Messi                                                        Silva                                                                Ronaldo

                                                               Falcao

Chaka Demus: Everton, I think. Or Cardiff.

Bappo:                                                    Neuer

Lahm                               Kompany                                     Ramos                                   Jordi Alba

                                        Pirlo                                            Toure

Messi                                                       Iniesta                                                               Ronaldo

                                                                Ibrahimovic

10- And finally, what would be your goal of 2012?

Westy: Zlatan against England. Why the **** would you even try that?


Chaka Demus: Sorry Westy, but it has to be Darren Ambrose's wonder strike against Man Utd in the Carling/Capital One/League/Coca-Cola Cup. This is definitely in my top 5 of all time. What a f***ing goal.


Bappo: I wanted to put Zlatan's goal, or Aguero's. But I discovered this one, from Belgian side Lokeren. Absolutely glorious. I witnessed beach soccer on grass,