Wally with a Brolly

We've been to Portugal and France. Next in line is an exciting Spanish prospect who unsurprisingly plays for Barcelona. I give you Gerard Deulofeu.

Deulofeu: still only 18 but already achieved so much at youth international level.

Wow, Pep Guardiola joined Bayern Munich. The man played his cards right and played it all secretive despite signing the deal in December. Kudos to the German powerhouse. You won't be surprised to see that this was the first topic of the Round Table. Unfortunately the questions were sent prior to Nigel Adkins's shocking dismissal at Southampton, so we'll cover it another time. You know the rest. Enjoy.

1- And the coaching carousel will start now. Pep Guardiola said he wanted to manage in England but he fooled us all and joined Bayern Munich. How will he do at Bayern?

Westy: It's a good move for Pep and it will be interesting to see if Chelsea now stick with Rafa or try to lure anyone else to manage them. It'll also be good to see how well he works with a team without the likes of Iniesta, Messi and Xavi - not that Bayern aren't great - but Guardiola's never managed a team that's not the best in the world.

Chaka Demus: I have been quite outspoken before about the fact that I/my nan/Boris Johnson could probably have won something with Barca given the players they have there. Therefore this will be a test to see whether he is actually a good manager or not...will be interesting to see.

According to Chaka Demus, this man could have led Barcelona to glory.

Bappo: I've made this clear in another article, but I think Pep is a football genius. Will he do well? I have every reason to think so, but he's in a tough situation due to enormous expectations. If he doesn't win the Champions' League people will call him a disappointment. If he assimilates the German culture I believe he will be a success.

2- What was the main thing you learnt about Arsenal in their 2-0 loss to Man City? And how do you think they will fare against Chelsea this week-end?

Westy: Not really learnt, but that they still badly need a holding mid. With all of 'Arry's bluster about M'Vila, I can't for the life of me work out why Arsène hasn't gone for him. Abou Diaby still only has a right foot (and it's not that great) and they never posed Hart any problems. That said, I still predict them to finish ahead of Liverpool, just...

Chaka Demus: They were unlucky but the red card was deserved. Didn't really learn anything new about them. they have been reliably unreliable so far this year. Chelsea have been much the same. they scored about 50 goals over Christmas/New Year and have since lost to QPR, Swansea and drew against Southampton this week. As for this week-end, I have no idea...Hoping for a Gibbs clean sheet and hat-trick as he is in my fantasy team! The Gunners totally dominated Swansea on Wednesday though so I will go with an Arsenal win.

Bappo: I feel like I keep on harping about it but one thing I learnt was that Theo Walcott really doesn't have the level to play as a lone striker against big teams. It might happen in the future (although I'm a serious doubter of that) but it's still too early. I don't understand Wenger's reluctance to finally put Giroud as his main striker. He's so much better than anyone else they have. Also learnt that Arsenal don't have a midfield past Wilshere. Sorry but Arteta, Diaby, Ramsey and Coquelin don't cut it. But they'll beat Chelsea. Abramovich's team hates playing at home where their 'fans' hate their manager. Arsenal should bounce back.

Walcott: not good enough to play as a central striker yet. Or ever?

3- Ba has left, Remy didn't come, Coloccini wants to leave. Where are Newcastle heading? Relegation battle or upwards eventually?

Westy: Still upwards. It's interesting that such a big thing has been made of it, as Newcastle are better with one up top - and Cissé is probably a better finisher. Consequently, they should be looking for a left wing. Besides, if someone chooses QPR over anyone else, it's a pretty godd sign you don't want them playing for you.

Chaka Demus: I watched their game against Brighton and Newcastle were AWFUL. Debuchy is a good signing and Cabaye is back which is a plus. I think they'll be fine. Cisse's Torres-like behaviour in front of goal is concerning though.

Will Cissé be freed now Ba has left? He certainly divides opinion.

Bappo: Newcastle had thought they were heading to the top again but they got lucky last year. No injuries, good signings and Tim Krul playing like a beast. These recipes aren't working any more, and now we realise that Newcastle are actually a mid-table side. I like the Debuchy signing and think they will eventually get out of it but it's a good wake-up call. There's still a lot of work to be done up there in Geordie land.

4- Spurs vs Man Utd at White Hart Lane. Which players hold the key to the game for each team?

Westy: For Spurs, Jermain Defoe. For all the talk about Bale, Defoe has been lethal this season, and they've struggled when he hasn't featured much. Admittedly, all he does is shoot, but he's the forefront of the new Spurs under AVB. As for United, Hernandez has been impressing me recently - his runs are incredibly well timed and clever, and Rooney's midweek goal against West Ham showed his unselfish side. He might not start, but if he comes on, he will worry the two centre-backs incessantly.

Chaka Demus: Vidic, Carrick and RVP for Man Utd. Dawson, Sandro and Bale/Defoe for Spurs. The backbone of each team.

Bappo: The battle will be won in midfield. For me it's a case of Dembele vs Carrick. If Carrick can counter Moussa's influence and negate his attacking play then Man Utd have a good chance of winning. If Dembele runs the show then Spurs will win it relatively comfortably. Moussa is one of the best midfielders in the country and Tottenham are heavily reliant on his form. He also tore Man Utd apart for Fulham early in the season, so we've seen it before. Had Sandro been fit (big loss) I would have made Spurs the favourites.

Mouss beasted Man Utd when he played for Fulham. Can he do the same for Spurs?

5- Jay Rodriguez dived but got a penalty. Wilfried Zaha was booked for an alleged dive. What do you make of British players and diving?

Westy: The same as anyone else to be honest. Anyone saying that British players are never accused of diving has a short memory - Ashley Young anyone? I'd like to start seeing retrospective bans for clear dives. 1 game out for a clear dive would soon kill this off.

Chaka Demus: Rodriguez was embarrassing. I didn't see the Zaha one. In general, it's dreadful and should be punished. A little Uruguayan fella admitted to it yesterday so it's not just British players there Bappo!



Bappo: British players dive. And it's been that way for a while. Rooney and Gerrard did it repeatedly before we started focusing on it so much. Of course Suarez is one of the worst but Rodriguez's dive was as bad as Suarez's at Stoke, and he even had the nerve to say to the ref that he didn't dive. So not only is he a cheat but he's a nice little liar. You wouldn't get Suarez saying that in a game, mostly due to the fact I'm unsure as to whether he actually speaks any English. And yet Rodriguez got away with it and hasn't been as criticised as Suarez has been. Shameful double standards right there. I'd like to see bans as well but the FA have no balls so it won't happen. Don't be surprised if you see people like Fergie opposing it as well.

6- A Birmingham derby with West Brom vs Aston Villa. What are the chances the Baggies inflict more misery on the Villains? And what do you make of Romelo Lukaku's desire to stay at West Brom next season rather than go back to Chelsea?

Westy: WBA will destroy Villa. They were hugely unlucky to lose to an average Reading side, and that is testament to the progress they have been making under Steve Clarke. Lukaku should definitely stay at WBA - he's the main man there, and he should be starting for Chelsea. I suspect that the move for Demba kills his first team hopes there though - by the time Chelsea would want to play him, he'll have outgrown sitting on the bench.

Chaka Demus: West Brom will beat Villa because Villa are laughable. Very good to hear Lukaku speaking about staying at West Brom - a refreshingly mature head (+ big hair) on those MASSIVE shoulders of his. Good for him!

Just an absolute beast. And he's 19! Or is he Obafemi Martins 19?

Bappo: West Brom should really win this as Villa have got NOTHING going for them. And Barry Bannan is not the solution. Neither is Eric Lichaj. And Steve Clarke has done a great job. As for Romelo Lukaku, not only does he have a great name and he looks like an even stronger version of Victor Moses (who is a beast), but he also seems to have a brain, something which has been found wanting in several Chelsea players in recent years. Good to hear him chat about wanting to play first, but he did sign a contract with Chelsea and he knew the deal. This might simply be a bit of a PR stunt on his part for Chelsea to give up to certain demands he might make in the future. But at least he's making sense so good on him. but should we praise a player for being reasonable?

7- Swansea vs Stoke, or Beauty and the Beast. Which one of the two teams is more of a miracle when you consider their respective positions (8th and 9th)?

Westy: Swansea. They haven't spent a lot of money, whereas Stoke have made quite a few expensive signings in their Premiership stint, such as Wilson Palacios (where is he now????) and Peter Crouch.

That Stoke fan just realised his club paid Spurs around £8m for Palacios and the man is still at his club. Sad.

Chaka Demus: I don't think either is a miracle to be honest with you. Both deserve a top of the table position as things stand. Swansea play excellent tiki-taka (Westy) football and Stoke are overly criticised in my opinion. Although Robert Huth is a monster who should be kept in a cage of some kind.

Bappo: Swansea by a mile. They've spent no money and have done it by playing the right way. Stoke have done well but they've spent bucket loads (third biggest net spenders in the Premier League since they've been there, behind only Man City and Chelsea!). And it's easier to survive when you play negative football.

8- Man City are 7 points behind Utd, but this time with 16 games left. Are you confident that the title race will be as close as last season?

Westy: To be honest, I think the African Cup of Nations is what will do for City. You still feel that United have yet to play well - but they are top with their best points total ever! When they do hit their stride, and sort out the defence, I can't see anyone catching them.

Chaka Demus: I'm not confident of anything. If RVP stays fit I don't see Man Utd losing it. Man City must start playing well at some point though and at the end of last year Utd fell to pieces so, who knows?

Man Utd don't want a repeat of that again. Bappo certainly does.

Bappo: It does appear as though Man Utd are going to win it. They haven't been that good, and I'm not actually sure they do have that famous 'second gear'. They're also so reliant on Van Persie it's untrue. Honestly. He's bailed them out so many times this year. But we just never know, Man City might turn it on, and let's be honest Man Utd deserve to lose a few more games. Not only because they don't really deserve to be top, but more importantly because I hate them. And it's all that matters really.

9- Southampton have finally found their way out of the relegation zone. How impressed have you been with Rickie Lambert? Would you rather have him or Grant Holt?

Westy: Lambert any day. I like Grant Holt, and he had a great first season, but Lambert is equally as good with the ball on the deck as with it in the air. It's nice to see a resurgence of the old fashioned Target Man. Incidentally, I've expected more of Gaston at Southampton. When that much money is spent by a weak side, you need the player to actually influence games.

Chaka Demus: Very impressed. It's a Championship formula to have a big front man but they play very good football besides that. It's not all route one. I would say Lambert in a starting XI and Holt as a super-sub to batter tired centre-backs!

Bappo: I've been impressed by Lambert. Not only is he a good target man but the man can play. Grant Holt, on the other hand, is a donkey. He's like a less expensive version of Andy Carroll. I like him and respect him because of the way he's made it to the Premier League, but he's a donkey. He's a beast in the air but he can't do much else. He's been absolutely found out this year after a good first season.

They've both come a long way. Kudos to anyone who knows who that builder on the right is.

10- Daniel Sturridge at Liverpool or Loïc Remy at QPR. Who will have the most success, and who will be the biggest failure? Any other transfer rumours that have interested you or that you think would make sense?

Westy: In rejecting Newcastle amid rumours of a bumper QPR contract, Remy has set himself up for a fall. I think that's highly likely (and would be very funny) that he and QPR  will go down with a whimper and Harry will have ruined yet another club.

Chaka Demus: Sturridge at Liverpool. I can't say I have seen enough of Remy to comment on him. Shame he's gone to QPR and not Newcastle though. Another big wage bill to contend with!

Bappo: In all honesty, Remy has the potential to be very good in the Premier League. He's big, strong, versatile, quick and skilful, and it's not like he's going to face quality defenders in the Prem. Ligue 1, on the other hand, is a league where teams are very well organised defensively. So he could be a steal for QPR. Or he'll be an incredible flop. I still think he'll do well. He can't be worse than Bobby Z and Djibril. And I wouldn't be too disappointed if I was Newcastle; they'll snap him up in 6 months when QPR go down and Remy activates a clause in his contract which puts him on the transfer list for half the price he was bought. So there you go Newcastle. Just wait 6 months. As for Sturridge, he's cocky and he thinks he's better than he is, but he'll do well at Liverpool. He is a good player, he's scored goals in the past and Liverpool really need him. A match made in heaven really. On a side note, I'd like to see Arsenal go for a big, powerful, injury-free defensive midfielder (aka not Diaby). How about Diamé? Or does that make too much sense Arsène? I'm guessing there's a 15-year-old Peruvian wonderkid they've been scouting for 3 years who'll come soon. Oh wait, Arsenal don't do that anymore. My bad.

'What do you mean this is awkward?'

LAS PREDICTIONES DEL WEEK-END

Manchester City vs Fulham
Westy (3-0), Chaka Demus (3-0), Bappo (2-0)


Liverpool vs Norwich
Westy (2-0), Chaka Demus (2-1), Bappo (1-1)


Swansea vs Stoke
Westy (1-2), Chaka Demus (1-1), Bappo (2-0)


West Ham vs QPR
Westy (2-0), Chaka Demus (2-2), Bappo (1-1)


Wigan vs Sunderland
Westy (1-1), Chaka Demus (1-2), Bappo (1-1)


Newcastle vs Reading
Westy (1-0), Chaka Demus (1-1), Bappo (2-0)


West Brom vs Aston Villa
Westy (4-1), Chaka Demus (2-0), Bappo (3-1)


Chelsea vs Arsenal
Westy (2-1), Chaka Demus (3-4!!!!!), Bappo (1-2)


Tottenham vs Man Utd
Westy (1-2), Chaka Demus (4-3!!!!!), Bappo (2-1)


Southampton vs Everton
Westy (0-1), Chaka Demus (1-2), Bappo (0-2)

So the most sought-after football manager in the world (sorry Jose) has decided to join the Bundesliga giants Bayern Munich. He had us all fooled, or so do the blind Premier League pundits think.

Did we really think Guardiola would join Chelsea? Only Roman Abramovich and people who don't understand what drives the former Barcelona manager thought so.

Chelsea is no project: the club has an unsustainable model and lacks continuity and stability. That was enough to discourage Pep from joining. I'm guessing the over-bearing presence of Abramovich and his trigger-happy attitude when it comes to sacking his managers was a sufficient argument for a refusal to join the SW6 club. I also wouldn't be surprised if the negative influence of certain players (Terry, Lampard) and the atrocious image the club suffers from had some sort of role in his decision not to join Chelski.

Abramovich: surely a reason why Pep didn't join Chelsea.

What should have been understood by all the people predicting his arrival to the Premier League is that Pep Guardiola is a true football man, but is also more than that. He views himself (and probably is) as an educated, thoughtful man who rationalises every decision he makes. And, for this reason, his choice to go to Bayern Munich is not so surprising. Germany is a thriving country where people are open-minded and welcoming (although the same can be said of the UK). Most importantly, it's a country where privacy and hard work is respected, and where controversies are nipped in the bud (something which can't be said about the UK). It's the perfect environment to develop a project.

It's easy to look at Guardiola's achievements and not feel too impressed. The common argument is that he inherited a team of stars and unbelievable players and barely had to do any coaching. If achieving two trebles (League-Cup-Champions' League) in 3 years is so easy then why hasn't it been a more regular occurrence? And as regards the strength of his team, why are we considering it so easy at Barcelona when José Mourinho only managed one league title and no Champions' League at Real Madrid, a team which has spent countless millions accumulating incredible talent over the years?

That cup is nothing to laugh at.

But what people must realise is that Pep's impact wasn't only felt in terms of Barcelona's success on the pitch. No, no, that would be too simple. In his four years at Barcelona, Pep managed to do two things which no other manager had done before.

His first impact was in changing the club from top to bottom. Sure Barcelona had a history of success, but that had been down to the arrival of superstars. Cruyff had been the first, then he had created the Dream Team with Stoichkov and Romario. Rivaldo and Ronaldinho had followed in helping maintain success. Barcelona, despite its proud history, had always 'kind of' bought its way to success. It was no different to Real Madrid in that regard, except that it spent lesser cash and brought home lesser stars. The only difference with its enemy was its Catalan identity symbolised by its 'Mes que un club' motto.

Pep changed all that. Impressed by what he had seen at the club, first as a player then as manager of the B team, he decided to bring back this Catalan imprint. It wasn't too hard to convince him after he witnessed Ronaldinho getting fat and Eto'o becoming more and more of a diva. Despite protests from the reserve team coaches, Pep's first decision was to bring through several youngsters. His stubbornness in that matter was impressive: both Busquets and Pedro were close to being released before Guardiola became the main man. He trusted them and turned them into World Cup and Euro winners. Pep wasn't so worried about their technical ability (although it was a factor); he was more interested in their affiliation to the club and their understanding that they should follow his instructions to the fullest. Guardiola was no dictator; but the impact he had on many players' careers meant they trusted him completely.

Pedro and Busquets: without Pep, where would they be?

It didn't stop with Pedro and Busquets either. Pep gave Piqué a chance after he was famously overlooked by Ferguson in favour of Jonny Evans. He also trusted Victor Valdés absolutely and finally gave Xavi and Inesta the keys to the team. A true Barcelona core was emerging, followed in the next few years by the introduction of players like Montoya, Sergi Roberto, Tello and the return of Jordi Alba and Cesc Fabregas. An emphasis was put on La Masia, the youth team training centre. Many graduated from there and were involved with the first team from the start. Guardiola created a model which meant the club could survive after him. This is not simply an extraordinary generation. It was a vision, one which Real Madrid never followed when it let players like Soldado, Negredo and Juan Mata go. It was a bold and brave decision which reaped dividends thanks to an unprecedented faith not only in the technical abilities of the players, but also in their hearts which bled Barca. It was a romantic gesture, but the genius resided into making it work, and Pep achieved just that.

But Pep's achievements didn't simply lay in success at the club. His greatest success was in revolutionising football itself.

There are very few managers who have had an indelible impact on the sport of football and its evolution.

Gusztav Sebes had been one of football's first innovators when he took over the Golden Hungary Team of Puskas and Kocsis. He instilled fitness work and an obsession on possession football which was way ahead of its time in the 1950's.

Rinus Michels at Ajax had also played an incredible role in the fluidity of football in the 1970's with that great Ajax team. Helped by Cruyff and Neeskens, Michels transformed his team into a moving unit where the whole team pressed, attacked and defended as one. He invented Total Football as we know it.

Michels and Cruyff: the promoters of Total Football.

Michels's talisman and star player, Johann Cruyff, had also started things rolling at Barcelona when he instigated the 4-3-3 as we know it now and placed great importance on the link between defence and midfield, as evidenced by the introduction (unsurprisingly) of Guardiola as his 'pivote'. But Cruyff's work was undone by Arrigo Sacchi's AC Milan team which was the first to press at such a high level up the pitch.

Sacchi: another visionary.

Guardiola joined these football visionaries when at Barcelona, and that was his second and ultimately greatest impact. He continuously blurred the traditional lines of football and was both a successor and innovator. His Barcelona team included Sacchi's high pressing line whilst implementing Michels's Total Football philosophy. Guardiola seemed to adopt Cruyff's 4-3-3.

But he changed much more. Giving total freedom to his players, Guardiola was the first manager to introduce the 'non-striker' formation. Granted, this was done with Lionel Messi, but Frank Rijkaard had continued to play the little magician down the wings. What's more, very few experts had thought it possible to play without a central striker as an anchor point and doubted Messi's ability to play up front. Guardiola even had to get rid of talented strikers such as Eto'o and Ibrahimovic to accomplish the undeniable success of the 'false number 9' which has since been adopted by Del Bosque for Spain. Not only did Pep's Barcelona team play without a central striker, but its attacking players constantly interchanged, creating havoc for opposition defences.

Messi: no Ballon d'Or before Pep joined. Four consecutive ones since. Not a coincidence.

And, with the licence granted to his wing-backs to press and play high, Guardiola even further undervalued the notion of traditional football formations. He had achieved the unthinkable. He had created a side with no fixed formation, able to adapt to any in-game situation and opponent. It was pure genius.

There will always be doubters, and Villanova's success this season, combined with Guardiola's relatively unsuccessful last season, seems to have undermined Pep's lasting legacy. But his achievements should not be discounted because of the ability of his players. Pep made these players. Xavi wasn't a leader before he joined, Iniesta was a burgeoning young player, Pique was heading nowhere on the bench at Man Utd and Busquets and Pedro were to be released. Messi was still a small, albeit very technical, winger. Pep made that team and made these players who they have become. And when you look at these footballers, that is quite an achievement.

Pep carried in triumph by his players: they owe much of their success to his vision.

So, when you think about Pep's footballing views and his romantic side, was it a surprise that he decided to join Bayern Munich? Absolutely not, even though hindsight is a beautiful thing.

Bayern possess all the values and ideals which have guided Pep. They have always brought players through their ranks (Schweinsteiger, Muller and Alaba being the latest), have always given their managers some time to implement their tactical nous, and have always been well run by people who have had a long affiliation with the club. Sure they might be called Hollywood FC by jealous opponents in Germany, but Bayern have always been an ambitious club with a distinct identity. The same cannot be said of Man City and Chelsea. Only Arsenal, Liverpool and perhaps Man Utd could have convinced Guardiola to move to England, due to their history. But Pep preferred a project.

So what can we expect from Pep in Germany? Only time will tell, but we can safely assume that Bayern will continue to bring young players through and will develop an attacking philosophy already firmly entrenched in the current team. Considering Guardiola's open-mindedness, it would not be surprising to see him adapt to the cultural differences between Spain and Germany.

The Allianz Arena: the soon to be new Theatre of Dreams?

Whatever will happen, Bayern have signed a footballing genius. One thing is for sure: it will be captivating to see Pep's and Bayern's evolution in the coming years.

With the start of the FA Cup and the return of the Premier League, it was time to have another quick chat with Westy and Chaka Demus. You know the deal by now. Enjoy.

1- The FA Cup finally proper got under way. Out of 10, rate your level of interest in the competition, and why?

Westy: 2 - purely because I have to watch the ITV coverage. Nothing has ever made me appreciate Lawro so much as watching Andy Townsend and Gordon Strachan manage to talk for 4 minutes without saying anything useful.

Why Bappo and Westy don't follow the FA Cup any more.

Chaka Demus: My interest would be a solid 8/9. I love it because it's a pure football competition. 11 versus 11. A tiny team like Hastings Town can play a Championship team like Boro. Magic.

Bappo: 1- sadly I don't really care about the FA Cup any more. That's probably because Chelsea, Arsenal, Liverpool or Man Utd have won in total 21 of the last 25 finals. I don't care about the old school shocks because they don't really happen any more and big teams don't really take the Cup seriously. Oh, and I'm meant to watch the whole of the FA Cup on ITV? Please.

2- Luis Suarez got a bit handsy once again. Was it cheating to you? And name your top 5 most hated cheats.

Westy: Genuinely haven't seen it yet - I wouldn't be surprised, but the reaction is very over the top. Granted, he deserves this reputation, but would you expect van Persie, Aguero or Torres (were he ever to score) to admit a handball? So why castigate Suarez so much (on this occasion)?

He's no Robbie Fowler!


Top 3 cheats - I can't think of another two to single out.

1) Suarez. For destroying the dreams of all Africa and being responsible for a lot of people hating Uruguay.
2) Carlos Alberto. For me, the Mourinho win at Old Trafford in 2004 was characterised by three things: an extremely lucky and frustrating equaliser, a Paul Scholes disallowed goal when he was played onside by three players, and this man, who covered more yards rolling than running. Thankfully he's rotting back in Brazil now.
3) Drogba. A great player, no denying that, but the fact that a 6'2 beast - the ultimate physical striker - culd never stay on his feet was infuriating.

Chaka Demus: It wasn't as obvious as his handball in the World Cup but it was definitely a hand ball. He certainly had time to get his hand out of the way of the ball. It makes it all the worse that he has done it against a Conference team as well. £600k could have changed that club beyond belief.

Top 5 cheats - 1. That little Argentinian coke addict crazy man. 2. Rivaldo - ball kicked in legs, holds face. SHAMEFUL. 3. Sergio Biscuits - peeking through his fingers when lying on the ground. 4. Gilardino - the worst dive I have ever seen. Milan v Celtic 2007. YouTube it. 5. Marco Materazzi - needed to man up and not make such a meal of what Zizou did. Lolz!



Bappo: Not as bad as his hand ball at the World Cup, although everyone would have done what he did against Ghana. If Rooney/Gerrard/Terry had done it and England had gone through no-one would take a moral high ground. But that's another story. The problem is more Suarez's celebration when he scores despite knowing he got 'lucky'. That and his rat face. If Paul Cox (Mansfield's manager) doesn't blame him then who are we to do so? Of course it's not ideal and I wish it didn't happen but it does happen.

Top 5 cheats - 1. Maradona. Obvious reasons. 2. The guy who dived by hitting his own face with his own hand. Pure devilish genius. 3. Slaven Bilic. For going down like he'd been shot after Laurent Blanc touched his chin with the palm of his hand. Cost Blanc the chance to play (and win) a World Cup final. Shameful. 4. Luis Suarez. See above and rat face. 5. Loads of British players like Gareth Bale and Danny Welbeck. They do dive as well you know.



3- The FIFA Ballon d'Or  was handed out to Messi yet again. But if there was an award for worst player of the year in the Premier League, who would you hand it to?

Westy: Until a few days ago, Shauny Wright-Phillips was nailed on for this, but his goal against Chelsea means that he's now actually done something this year aside from nail crosses repeatedly into Row Z. Sadly I think I have to give this one to Torres. I just don't get how a striker can perform so poorly in a team that good.

Chaka Demus: This is a tough one. I think I am going to say either Andre Santos or Philippe Senderos. Both are truly hopeless.

A typical Senderos tackle. Exhibit A of why Chaka Demus gave him a dubious award.

Bappo: I was thinking of Torres but he's actually scored goals. Then I thought of the whole QPR team but they did have a decent run. I'll nominate three players:
1) Bobby Zamora. For joining QPR because he thought that would bring him to Euro 2012. Tough luck mate.
2) Andy Johnson. For making his living out of one season where he scored 50 penalties and doing his usual 'I join a club and get injured for the rest of the season' trick. Did you say he was one of Fulham's and QPR's best-paid players? I thought so myself.
3) James Collins. Because he has to stop attempting a back-pass.

Out of pure bias I'm going to name Bobby Z as my winner. Serves you right for leaving Fulham for a bigger club. On an unrelated matter, the managerial award would go to Mark Hughes. Can I just say 'Ha-ha!'?



4- What do you make of Harry Redknapp's start at QPR so far? Will they beat his old club Tottenham at the week-end?

Westy: No, because 'Arry taught all the Tottenham players everything they know. No matter the result (QPR will lose), 'Arry will be the one who takes the plaudits...according to him.

Chaka Demus: He couldn' really have done any worse than what was happening at QPR already and he has done reasonably well. They won't beat Spurs this week-end. And they will go down.

Not everyone's cup of tea.

Bappo: He's done OK and he's been lucky - they should never have beaten Chelsea, and they've played bad teams. They won't beat Tottenham and that'll be because Spurs have great players 'Arry brought to the club in the first place; That's what he'll tell us to justify another abject performance. It's really a win-win situation for Redknapp. It's not like he cares about QPR. He has a reputation to uphold you see.

5- If you had to make 3 predictions about the January transfer window, what would they be?

Westy: Chelsea to re-sign Lampard. Arsenal to re-sign Walcott, and immediately put him on the wing. Papiss to rediscover his form now he's the main man again.

Chaka Demus: I didn't want this to happen but the talks of Wilf going to the Manure look to be true which is disappointing. Secondly, Lampard to Utd as well. It beggars belief but I think if Chelsea can be that thick as to let him go then he deserves to go to another 'top club' and with the relatively wak midfield Man Utd have at the moment he would slot in nicely. Lastly, I really hope Michu stays at Swansea but I could see him on the move for enough money...

Lampard's future interests both Westy and Chaka Demus, but they have different views.

Bappo: QPR and Redknapp will bring in new players to 'freshen up the place'. Roberto Mancini to ask for several new players otherwise "Man City won't be able to challenge". And the usual rumours about Balotelli.

6- Which of the recent transfers already completed have impressed you the most?

Westy: No surprises here - Demba Ba has been awesome and just what Chelsea needed, another Drogba. Other than that, Reading's capture of Carriço is pretty impressive.

Demba Ba: a superb yet obvious piece of business.

Chaka Demus: Demba Ba - how Newcastle possibly left that £7m clause in his contract I will never know! Good luck to him at Chelsea...poor Fernando.

Bappo: Mathieu Debuchy to Newcastle for £4.7m. How often do you get an international wing-back (he played all 4 games for France at Euro 2012) in the prime of his career (26) for less than £5m. Ridiculous. And of course Demba Ba. Well played Sir, well played. Can I mention QPR's capture of Tal Ben Haim as well? That was of course a joke.

Debuchy to Newcastle: Bappo argues that Newcastle haven't completely come out as losers in January.

7- Fulham - Wigan and Aston Villa - Southampton at the week-end. Who will be dragged down into the dreaded relegation fight, who will escape, and why?

Westy: If they don't start D dot (Bent), Villa will be. They've been criminally bad recently and seem all over the place defensively. They'll be shaken after the Bradford result as well.

Chaka Demus: Villa. They are a shambles. My senior school team used to defend better than they did against Bradford.

Bappo: Everyone but Fulham, hopefully. In all seriousness, Wigan, Villa and Southampton all have serious weaknesses. You shouldn't avoid relegation when Franco Di Santo is one of your main strikers. Nor when luminaries such as Nathan Baker form an important part of your team. Or when Jos Hooiveld, Yoshida and/or José Fonte play football. But I think Villa are really in deep trouble. They're awful at the back and in midfield (Stephen Ireland still plays football??!!!). Fulham will escape because they have Berbatov, and people should just keep calm and pass him the ball. Honestly.

Just follow the instructions and you'll be OK.

8- Liverpool and Arsenal both face the Manchester clubs. Who has a better chance of making it into the top four this season, and why?

Westy: Erm, Arsenal. If they make a few decent transfers and get Vermaelen back on form then they could yet challenge for third as Chelsea are stuttering. Liverpool are still a bit one-dimensional for me, and I think Sturridge and the other Rodgers signings will take a bit more time to bed in properly.

Vermaelen: if he stops being so laid-back then Arsenal will finish in the top four.

Chaka Demus: Liverpool. Arsenal are too erratic. And as per usual, won't spend any money in January. Other than to break their wage structure to keep Theo. He isn't that good. Ridiculous.

Bappo: I put Liverpool and Tottenham to finish 3rd and 4th respectively in a previous Round Table so I'll have to stick to my guns. With the massive mix-up that is the race for 3rd/4th, anything is up in the air. Who's to tell me Liverpool aren't going to go on a great run like Chelsea did at the start of the season? It's not entirely impossible. After all, they're due one. It's not really an indictment of Liverpool's performances or Rodgers' style but I guess I must go with them. Too many teams will screw up at one point for Liverpool not to have a chance at 3rd. As for Arsenal they're on a path to failure, although I have a sneaky feeling that I'll be proved wrong.

9- If you could make one transfer happen, which one would it be?

Westy: Messi to Weymouth Town. (An unsuccessful attempt was made in France: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/mar/10/barcelona-lionel-messi-transfer-bid)

Chaka Demus: Zaha can go to Man Utd if we take RVP. Straight switch. Seems fair.

Bappo: Andy Carroll on loan to Macclesfield Town. Because that's where he belongs and I shudder at the thought of him downing Jagerbombs in Macclesfield's town centre. Mostly because I don't know where the hell Macclesfield is.

10- Reports indicate that 'Fat Frank' Lampard is heading out of Chelsea at the end of the season. What are your views on it and where do you think he will end up?

Westy: I think Chelsea will bow to the pressure from the stands and, rightly, sign him up. He deserves a bit of loyalty from the club that is famous for having none. It's pretty clear that Benitez wants him and he still has a role to play bringing through the younger players from that famous academy...
Still, digs at Chelsea aside, he should stay at the club. Just look at Giggs and Scholes for the benefits that keeping the older pros around can bring. Also, he's actually a decent bloke, and there's not that many of them at Stamford Bridge (ok, there was one more dig).

Chaka Demus: See above. I think it will be a crime if they let him go. Their petulant fans are angry enough as it is. Letting Frank go is only to make them throw more toys out their collective toy box. I could certainly see him at Man Utd. Or perhaps Everton? Who knows...he is a true professional and a gent and I wish him the best of luck wherever.

Could we see this happen?

Bappo: It looks like a game of cat and mouse between Chelsea and Lampard but I'm pretty sure he's gone. All the rumours about him being willing to take a massive pay cut to stay are just rumours. They're good PR so Lamps doesn't look like a d**k when he joins LA Galaxy. And why shouldn't he leave? He'll get a good contract at some MLS club willing to overspend on past glories (hello Thierry Henry & co!), will live in LA (where it's sunny) or New York and will occasionally play football. Not too bad for a 35-year-old man.
As for Chelsea they should get rid of him. He's slow and he's getting injured. Sure he can still play a bit but it's time to give the keys of this team to Mata, Hazard and Oscar. Lampard is just a remnant of an unsavoury (albeit successful) past. And he had too much power. Of course we heard about Terry and Drogba conspiring to get people like Scolari and AVB the sack, but I'm pretty sure Lamps played an active role in AVB's dismissal. The difference between him and someone like Terry is that Lamps has half a brain and good PR skills.
Was that a rant? All in all Lamps will leave and both parties will be happy.



The Week-end's Predictions

QPR vs Tottenham
Westy (0-2), Chaka Demus (1-4), Bappo (0-3)


Aston Villa vs Southampton
Westy (1-2), Chaka Demus (0-2), Bappo (2-2)


Everton vs Swansea
Westy (2-0), Chaka Demus (2-1), Bappo (2-1)


Fulham vs Wigan
Westy (1-1), Chaka Demus (2-1), Bappo (2-1)


Norwich vs Newcastle
Westy (2-1), Chaka Demus (2-1), Bappo (1-1)


Reading vs West Brom
Westy (0-2), Chaka Demus (1-3), Bappo (0-1)


Stoke vs Chelsea
Westy (0-3), Chaka Demus (0-0 PARK THE BUS!), Bappo (1-1)


Sunderland vs West Ham
Westy (2-1), Chaka Demus (2-3), Bappo (1-1)


Man Utd vs Liverpool
Westy (2-1), Chaka Demus 7 GOAL THRILLER! MAN UTD TO SCORE 3 IN THE LAST 10 TO WIN 4-3. SAF TO THEN DO HIS LITTLE JIG. HOW CAN HE STILL NOT CELEBRATE A GOAL PROPERLY AFTER 26 YEARS ???!!!! F*CK'S SAKE. RANT!, Bappo (2-1, with goal for Man Utd in last 10 mins)


Arsenal vs Man City
Westy (1-2), Chaka Demus (1-1), Bappo (1-0)

Next up in our list is another French player, this time Romain Alessandrini of Rennes.

Alessandrini: a difficult path to Ligue 1 but now he's heading for the top.

French football seems to love a tale of rags to riches. From Drogba to Ribery and more recently Mathieu Valbuena, Laurent Koscielny or Olivier Giroud, the Ligue 1 seems to unearth gems who haven't reached the top in a conventional way. All four of them played at the equivalent of League 1 or even lower (for Valbuena, Koscielny and Giroud) and yet went on to play for top European clubs as well as for their country.

Romain Alessandrini might just be another example. After a tough footballing upbringing, the young Rennes winger discovered Ligue 1 football this season at the age of 23. But he literally had to survive before that to keep such a dream alive.

Alessandrini started in Marseille's youth team. Having grown up in the city itself, his mind was clearly set on pulling on the great white OM shirt. With players like Laurent Blanc, Ravanelli and then Drogba playing in Marseille, and knowing the ebullient nature of the city for its football team, it was no surprise that a young Romain dreamt of showing off his skills at the Velodrome.

But it wasn't to be. Not showing enough potential, and with a slight physical nature, Alessandrini wasn't kept at Marseille past the age of 15. Undeterred, he searched another club in which he could finish his apprenticeship. For a man of sunny South of France, it must have come as a shock that his only option was FC Gueugnon, a club from the East of France situated in Burgundy. Forget the glamour of Marseille, Gueugnon was heading down the leagues, dropping out of Ligue 2 in the early 2000's, only years after winning the League Cup past all odds (with a young Sylvain Distin!).

But Romain displayed great determination and stuck it out. He was rewarded during the 2008-2009 season when he finally played his first games for the club in National, the equivalent of League 1. After a promising first season in which he played 27 league games, Alessandrini turned professional in 2009.

But then disaster struck. A bad injury in the first game of the 200-2010 season left him on the sidelines for most of the campaign. But his return for the last few games of the season showed him to be a young player with potential.

And Clermont came sniffing around. As perennial Ligue 2 strugglers, the club was used to shopping in the lower leagues, and they clearly saw something in Alessandrini. Signing the winger on a two-year contract in the summer of 2010, Clermont nonetheless didn't expect the sort of impact Romain would have.

22 goals in two seasons from the left wing helped propel Clermont up the table. Consistently in the top 3 for a majority of the 2011-2012 season, the club finally finished 5th, with a small squad suffering from the repeated physical demands of a long season.

But Alessandrini's time had been a clear success. He had been the main creative force in an overachieving team, and had even been voted in Ligue 2's team of the year in both seasons at Clermont. It was time for him to move on to bigger things.

And he wasn't short of suitors. Sochaux were the favourites but the 23 year-old decided to join a rebuilding Rennes at the last minute. And boy has he set the world alight. Playing on the left wing in a pleasant, ball-playing team, Alessandrini has already scored 7 goals in 16 Ligue 1 games, and a few spectacular ones.


Even though he is predominantly left-footed and of a relatively small build (1m73 only), Alessandrini has impressed by his ease on the ball and his ability to create as well as score important goals. With Rennes lurking in 4th, only 6 points behind the leaders, there is a possibility we might see Alessandrini in Europe next season. That is, if he hasn't made it to the France team before that. A likeable prospect for the future.


Worst case scenario: A left-footed Mathieu Valbuena
Best case scenario: A better, less selfish version of Hatem Ben Arfa.

We continue our round-up of promising youngsters with Remy Cabella from Montpellier in Ligue 1.

Remy Cabella: slowly but surely reaching the top.

Last season proved to be a memorable one for Montpellier. With a pack of youngsters and some untested or unknown senior players, Olivier Giroud's old club managed to beat off the Qatari-backed PSG to their first Ligue 1 title. Of course Giroud and Younes Belhanda got many of the headlines for such a feat, and rightly so, as they were the technical leaders of an enthusiastic team.

Fast forward to January 2013 and Montpellier's title seems far away. A sluggish start to their Ligue 1 campaign, along with early elimination from the Champions' League and rumours of rifts between players and manager René Girard, meant that Belhanda's stock, in particular, has fallen off the cliff.

One of the lone bright sparks in Montpellier's season has been the continued emergence of Remy Cabella. Capable of playing in central midfield or down the wings, the 22-year-old was a member of Montpellier's Coupe Gambardella's winning side of 2009 (the Coupe Gambardella is France's FA Youth Cup).

Following that title, Remy has steadily progressed. He joined struggling Ligue 1 club Arles-Avignon on loan in 2010-2011 where he managed to score 3 goals in 17 games for a club destined for the drop and lacking in cohesion.

Rejoining his parent club the season after, he played an active role on the way to the title, either off the bench or as the first choice to cover an injury. Playing in a variety of positions, sometimes even in a deep role, Cabella played in 29 matches, scoring only 3 goals but providing good link-up play between midfield and attack.

This season has been the one where he has confirmed all the hopes placed in him. Now an undisputed started, and playing on the wing but often cutting inside, Cabella has already contributed 5 goals at the half-way point of the season in Ligue 1. He has been Montpellier's most consistent player and has filled the creative gap explained by Belhanda's loss of form.

Cabella has also proven himself on the international stage, earning 17 U-21 caps for France and participating in this season's Champions' League. He was notably Montpellier's best player in a tight encounter against Arsenal at La Mosson.

With two good feet and bags of creativity, Remy Cabella seems to be heading for the top and will soon be a name to be reckoned with in Ligue 1. He's certainly going in the right direction.



Worst case scenario: A less selfish, less technical version of Samir Nasri
Best case scenario: A less selfish, better version of Samir Nasri.

Here at Wally we're always trying to introduce players to our readers. We tend to watch an obscene amount of football and so think we might be able to unearth some future gems who get no coverage in the UK due to the press's Premier League-centric approach.

All the players we'll introduce to you are still young (generally under 23) and play abroad. We haven't delved into the Championship and the lower leagues because we believe these get enough airtime.

So here we go, and the first player on our list is James Rodriguez of Porto. Not Jay Rodriguez of Southampton. That one has a long way to go.

Only 21 and already an integral player for Porto and Colombia.

Remember Ricardo Quaresma? By the time he turned 21, Ricardo had already played (and failed) for Barcelona and Sporting Lisbon. He was coming back to Portugal, this time for Porto. And boy did he set the world alight. Quaresma was an outrageously skilful winger who only had one foot, his right boot. Seriously, the guy did not want to cross with his left foot so he developed an incredible outside-of-the-boot crossing ability which was called 'la trivela'.



From a purely aesthetic point of view it was glorious. But it wasn't the most efficient way of finding your striker's head.

Anyway, after four seasons at Porto where he scored around a goal every 5 games (not too bad for a winger), Quaresma left for Inter, where he failed once again to adapt. Since then he has played for Chelsea on loan (you don't remember him?), Besiktas and now reportedly for Al Ahli, wherever that is.

What has this all got to do with James Rodriguez?

James Rodriguez (I'm not calling him JR) is the new Quaresma. He's pacy, incredibly skilful, can play on both wings but prefers the opposite one. He's a left-footed version of Quaresma in that he plays on the right-wing.

So why am I mentioning James Rodriguez if I'm comparing him to the failure that was Quaresma? Surely that's not a great indictment of his talent.

Except that James is already better than Quaresma ever was at Porto. A versatile player able to play in any attacking midfield position, Rodriguez has also added goals to his game since his first season at Porto. After scoring a respectable 6 goals in 32 games in his debut season, the little Colombian winger scored 14 in 38 last season and is already close to hitting double figures this season. He also hasn't displayed any of the sort of selfishness which constantly plagued Quaresma throughout his career.

Voted the Portuguese League's Breakthrough Player of 2011-2012, James Rodriguez has already proven himself at international and domestic levels and is a vital player for a European powerhouse (yes, that's how I would qualify Porto). He is definitely one to look out for in 2013.



Worst case scenario: Ricardo Quaresma
Best case scenario: A better version of Pedro (Barcelona)