Wally with a Brolly

I went to the cinema to see The Dark Knight Rises not long ago. And watching this absolute action-packed blockbuster somehow made me think of Arsene Wenger and his beloved Gunners.

This connection happened when I discovered that somehow Batman now had a flying car. My thought process went like this, in that particular order:
   1) Damn, a flying car (channelling inner 5-year-old still fan of Batman), that is cool!
   2) A flying car? Really?
   3) Christopher Nolan had too much money and didn't know what to do with it.

Seriously?

I'm guessing you've guessed that the first two points had no link with Arsenal. The third one, however, applies to the Gooners pretty well. Let me explain.

For years now we have been told that Arsene Wenger has had money available. Heck, we've even had chairmen and different shareholders (Usmanov noticeably) mentioning that they were ready to finance a big blockbuster on the transfer market.

And what did Arsene offer us last summer? Instead of The Dark Knight (superb film, better than its prequel and sequel) he gave us Daredevil. He brought to these shores the likes of:

   - Andre Santos (typifies every stereotype ever written about Brazilian full-backs),
   - Per Mertesacker (a poor man's Robert Huth, without the pace. Think on that for a second)
   - Park Chu-Young (Who?)
   - Gervinho (collaborating with Bacary Sagna to form the most inexplicable and improbable hair-styled duo since Jedward)

Arsenal's right-hand side: devoid of creativity, and shambolic hair

Out of that list, only Mikel Arteta saved that summer of activity. This was especially depressing considering the previous summer had brought Sebastien Squillaci and Marouane Chamakh to the club. The least said about them the better.

With that in mind, it seems quite clear that Arsene was suffering from the "flying car syndrome". Money was available, he was urged to use it, wanted to be creative but just did not know how. Exactly like Christopher Nolan in The Dark Knight Rises.

You're telling me we needed that flying car?

You're telling me we needed Marion Cotillard? (Ras-al-Ghul's daughter? Seriously? Took the fun away from Bane).

As The Dark Knight Rises seemed chaotic at best (not helped by the fact I could barely understand what Bane and Batman were saying throughout the movie), so did Arsenal's transfer policy. Especially considering that Arsene wasn't buying youngsters anymore, but established players, with last summer's recruits being aged 26 or more.

So Arsene changed his style this year, yet again. And in buying Olivier Giroud, Lukas Podolski and Santi Cazorla he has finally gone for the short-term. Will it finally work? Only time will tell. But I'm guessing that, exactly like The Dark Knight Rises, there will be fireworks this year for Arsenal. Not sure whether they'll be good or bad.


THE TRANSFER REVIEW
Seeing as my whole analogy was related to Arsene's transfer dealings, it is time we examine them closely.

OLIVIER GIROUD

I have to say I'm a fan of Olivier Giroud already. Even though I haven't seen him play that much, the man seems to have a confident personality. The fact he posed semi-naked for Tetu Magazine in France (a notorious gay mag) shows that he's not afraid of many things. But I have a sneaky feeling that his play will do the talking.

Giroud: Bold

Quite tall, adept with his feet, selfish and team-oriented when he should, as evidenced by his 21 goals and 11 assists in Ligue 1 last season, Giroud is young enough to learn (25 with only two years of Ligue 1 behind him) and mature enough to behave appropriately. He has also taken the same path to Arsenal as Laurent Koscielny, the two of them playing in National (French League 1) before uniting at Tours in Ligue 2 for a season. Seeing how well Koscielny has performed for Arsenal, Gooners should be encouraged. There should be more hunger from Giroud than from Chamakh.
So a positive and ambitious signing. At 12 mil, Giroud is quite a snip considering he was top scorer in one of the most tactically astute leagues in Europe where goals are hard to come by.

Best case scenario: A poor man's Van Persie
Worst case scenario: A slightly better Marouane Chamakh


LUKAS PODOLSKI

I watched Podolski quite closely at Euro 2012, trying to see what Arsenal had bought. Despite my deep desire to watch the Bundesliga regularly (arguably the most entertaining league in Europe with the Premier League), the only time I had seen him were for the German National Team. Impressive in 2006, 2008 and 2010, Podolski really didn't set the world alight at Euro 2012.
What you buy with Podolski is pedigree. Still only 27, but with an impressive 101 caps and 44 gols for Germany, Lukas is an interesting proposition, especially considering he can play on the wing or up front. At a reported 10 mil, another impressive snip by Arsene. The only gripe? A relative failure at Bayern Munich and a tendency to prefer being the top dog at club level. Being a star for FC Koln is one thing, settling at Arsenal is another.

Podolski: bringing fear to a handball pitch near you

Best case scenario: A poor man's Robert Pires-Van Persie combination
Worst case scenario: Alexander Hleb


SANTI CAZORLA

Santi Cazorla is a typical example of English fans and pundits' ignorance of anything beyond the Premier League. Because, if I was a Gooner, I'd be more excited about Cazorla's arrival than Podolski's. Despite playing in the relative backwaters of Villareal and Malaga in La Liga, Santi is a class act. Otherwise, how can you explain his 45 caps for Spain at a time when midfielders come aplenty for La Roja? We're talking about 45 caps for the best team on the planet for the last four years, and what is most impressive is that these have all come since 2008, when Spain started getting to that unparalleled level.
An impressive set-piece taker capable of playing on the wings or in the center, Cazorla is a complete  two-footed player with an eye for a goal. In that sense he is already an upgrade on Hleb or Rosicky, who both came with considerably greater (and undeserved) reputations. With Arteta's presence at the club, Cazorla should settle in nicely. And when he'll get going English defences should watch out. A superb signing.

Cazorla: used to flying under the radar. At your peril.

Best case scenario: Robert Pires
Worst case scenario: Arsenal's version of Juan Manuel Mata


WALLY'S ADVICE
We at Wally are like any football fan, we love to hand out advice. And even though Arsene knows more about any footballer in the world (literally, he's probably watching tape of a 15 year-old Ethiopian playing in his back garden), here is our following advice for the greatest manager Arsenal have ever had (a fact Gooners should remember once in a while):

Get rid of the dead wood
No, not really that sort of dead wood. But let me write a quick list, off the top of my head: Abou Diaby, Per Mertesacker, Park Chu-Young, Sebastien Squillaci, Marouane Chamakh, Johan Djourou, Lukasz Fabianski. Pretty self-explanatory.
Arsene: get rid of these players, they create a feeling of mediocrity at the club.

Get Aaron Ramsey back and firing
The situation of Aaron Ramsey makes me seriously dislike Arsenal fans sometimes. Not only are they prone to turning on their own players rather quickly recently, but their booing of the young Welsh captain was sickening. Here was an inexperienced yet talented 21 year-old coming back from borderline career-ending surgery and struggling to come to terms with playing a long season. Understandable right? Not for Gooners. Inexplicable behaviour from the 'fans'. So please Arsene, put your faith in Aaron, especially considering that the 'Messiah' Wilshere (FYI only 37 Premier League games for Arsenal. Just sayin') is basically crocked.

Ramsey: give the boy a chance

Learn how to defend
This has been the argument for many years, and the appointment of Steve Bould as assistant manager should go a certain way towards remedying that problem. But if you want to defend properly, please ask Kieran Gibbs to track his man, please ask Alex Song to track back (or don't portray him as a 'defensive midfielder') and please mark your men at set pieces!

Sort out the Van Persie situation asap
Do we need to say anything more? Latest reports indicate a 22mil bid by Man UNited to be accepted by Arsenal. Our advice? Take it and spend it on defensive minded players to bring competition to certain areas of the team (especially at right-back).


THE LINE-UP

In our view

                                                            Szczesny

Sagna                            Koscielny                         Vermaelen                     Gibbs

                                      Song                                 Arteta

Oxlade- Chamberlain                          Cazorla                                            Podolski

                                                            Giroud


How they probably will line up

                                                          Szczesny

Sagna                        Koscielny                           Vermaelen                       Gibbs

                                  Song                                  Arteta

Walcott                                             Ramsey/Cazorla                               Cazorla/Podolski

                                                         Giroud/Van Persie/ Podolski


PREDICTIONS

A solid 3rd place for Arsenal, yet still far away from the champions.