Wally with a Brolly

The hardest thing for a modern football player is accepting that his skills aren't really up to scratch anymore. Some players accept lesser roles in the hope that it will prolong their career (see Giggs, Ryan). Others simply don't want to understand their fate and cling on to dear life when they should just leave quietly. Of course there are always managers ready to put some money on the table based on past reputation.

So we've assembled a beautiful team for you: the first ever Wally Fall from Grace XI. In it you will find players who are no longer relevant after questionable decisions/performances/attitude, even though they are still clinging on. Maybe we hyped them up too much for what they really were. Maybe they used to be really good and are now awful. Whichever way it is, they've made the team.

The team's badge: it possesses an appropriate drawing of a lame duck.

We're also proud to say that 9 of the 11 players were internationals. Notice the past tense. It's not gonna happen again. So here we go. Enjoy.

GOALKEEPER

Is it really a surprise that Robert Green makes the list? We all remember his howler at the World Cup. That was only two years ago. Two years ago he was the nation's best goalkeeper according to an overpaid Italian. How times have changed.

It was a sign of things to come that no-one wanted to sign him after West Ham's relegation. And another sign that West Ham weren't unhappy with him leaving.

He was back in the Premier League in time for the new season, looking forward to helping QPR consolidate their place in the league. Except that didn't really happen. The usual mistake crept up and led to a beautiful 5-0 hammering by Swansea. Next thing Rob knew, QPR were looking for another keeper and found Julio Cesar.

Of course Rob's not going to play again. Look for him to move in January to a Championship club near you. Or he'll bide his time and wait for QPR to get relegated (inevitable) and take the number one jersey once Julio will have left for greener pastures. Doesn't matter what happens, Rob Green will be back playing in the Championship. Where he now belongs.

Honourable mention: Paul Robinson, for being overweight at a dysfunctional Blackburn.



RIGHT-BACK

Playing out of position, but it doesn't matter, is William Gallas. Once a formidable defensive presence for Chelsea and France (World Cup finalist 2006), it all started to unravel for the unlike-able William after he did his best impression of a 2-year old against Birmingham for Arsenal. He then joined Tottenham on a free transfer (another bad sign) where he seemed to come alive again.

Now? An overpaid defender who loves nothing more than to blame his team-mates once a goal comes in. It's never William's fault. Except it tends to be.

Gallas has just realised he's irrelevant

Honourable Mention: Hello Alan Hutton! Once a highly-rated right-back for Rangers and Scotland, then a mitigated success at Tottenham, you are now officially in no man's land. Congratulations. You are officially worse than Eric Lichaj or Matthew Lowton. Wow.

CENTRE-BACKS

Why change a winning partnership? Two years ago Birmingham were winning the Carling Cup with a superbly combative performance by Scott Dann and Roger Johnson. This was after a solid season in the Premier League when both performed at a high level to help Birmingham stay in the league on the back of very solid defensive performances. Now? They are both languishing in the Championship.

Johnson had left the relegated Blues to join Wolves. A quite sensible choice at the time, with McCarthy's team seemingly on the cusp of Premier League respectability. It didn't quite work out as planned. Johnson was promptly named captain, performed abysmally, didn't even train hard (he was called out publicly by McCarthy) and ended the season on the bench, relegated and demoted. And no-one wanted him this summer. Quite a fall from grace for someone seemingly on the verge of the England squad and who cost £7m.

Scott Dann was his partner in crime at Birmingham. Funnily enough he also left for £7m. But whilst Johnson's move to Wolves at the time made sense, Dann's move to Blackburn was just incoherent. After all, Steve Kean was in charge. That should have been enough of a deterrent really. That's a massive sign. If you're joining for the manager, then I'd like to welcome you to my own team Scott. I don't manage it, no-one does (that's Sunday League), we're called Steua Needarest and we're a joke. See the similarities with Blackburn?

Both are now in football's purgatory. Good luck getting out boys.

Johnson and Dann: their best times were under McLeish. We should have known they'd end up on this list. By the way, doesn't 'Johnson and Dann' sound like a horribly-acted 80's cop tandem series? Exactly my point.

Honourable mention: From the World Cup to Stoke's reserves. How is it all going for you Matty Upson? Still rubbish? And don't think I didn't see you at Boro, Jonathan 'best defender of the generation' Woodgate. You're rubbish, end of story.

LEFT-BACK

Of course there were a few good candidates for the left-back slot. At the rate his Liverpool career is going, look out for José Enrique's appearance in next year's team. The same can be said of Andre Santos who will soon make Pascal Cygan and Oleg Luzszhszhzshzny look like world beaters. He is that bad. But it's still too early for Andre Santos. His work here isn't done yet.

And so it had to fall on Stephen Warnock. I actually remember being quite excited by Warnock's appearance as a youngster in Liverpool's team a few years back. He had passion and a bit of skill due to having successfully played in centre midfield on loan at Coventry. It seemed like he was going somewhere.

And there were a few groans when he was sold by Benitez to Blackburn for only £2.5m in 2007. He wasn't a young pup (26) but he still had promise. He was a success at Blackburn, becoming a mainstay of a solid squad. He then made a good career move by joining Martin O'Neill's Aston Villa where he quickly became the startin left-back. He even made the 2010 World Cup squad, even though that was mostly due to Leighton Baines's desire to stay close to his mommy and not go to South Africa. But still, it wasn't that much of a shock when he was named in the squad, even there was a collective prayer by all England fans hoping that Cashley wouldn't get injured.

I honestly don't know what happened since. Maybe the arrival of McLeish didn't help. But even though I find the Scot's football philosophy and style disgusting, he normally brings the best out of his defenders. So no clue what happened to Stephen Warnock but it's gone badly. You need proof? he's on a 3-month loan to Bolton Wanderers. Wow.

Stephen is now at Bolton. Talk about going nowhere.

CENTRAL MIDFIELD

We've decided to go with a two-man central midfield partnership. You know what's a shame about our choices? Both are English and both are still young. There is hope still, although I believe there is more hope for the oldest of the two.

The first players is Tom Huddlestone. Still only 25 (!), Tom has fallen into obscurity. His talent actually isn't in question; he's a gifted passer of the ball and a very sensible player. So why did he make the team?

It just appears he is lacking dedication. For years his build was a negative point: slow, cumbersome and let's just say he's never struck me as a player who takes really good care of himself. Of course injuries haven't helped him, but if your lifestyle isn't the best then injuries will come more often. This statement is mostly due to the fact Tom never had a long-lasting injury, he's always had small ones. That's not testament to his ability to keep fit. But there is still hope. But Huddlestone has now become an afterthought.

Tom has just seen a pie in the third row. Don't go there Tom, it's holding you back. Remember fat Ronaldo.

His partner in midfield is Jordan Henderson. Jordan is still only 22 and yet I hold such little hopes of him ever becoming a valuable player. What scares me with him is that he's already got 5 caps. That's 5 more than Leon Osman, who's been doing the right things for at least 5 seasons. Henderson has never done 'it', not even for a game.

4 goals in 70 games for Sunderland never struck me as showing incredible potential. We don't know what Jordan is; a holding/central/attacking midfielder? He's not gifted in any of these categories. Henderson is just an average player and I fear he will stay the same. We know one thing he is though: a flop. At £16m he ranks just behind El-Hadji Diouf and Andy Carroll as the worst high-spending transfers Liverpool have ever signed. Seriously.

Now? He's been deemed not good enough to dislodge Shelvey, Sahin, Allen and others. He was even played at right-back in the Capital One Cup where he had an appalling game. He's even more an afterthought than Huddlestone at Spurs. A shocking, overrated player who's now become irrelevant.

A sight which makes me shiver: Henderson in an England shirt. Not gonna happen anytime soon. One hopes.

RIGHT WINGER

He used to be exciting. Now he lingers at QPR. No, it's not Adel Taarabt we're talking about, although he would have made a decent contender. We're of course talking about Shaun Wright-Phillips. I remember when you used to run down that right-hand side every week for Man City. Sure, you couldn't cross the ball to save your life, but you had one hell of a shot on you. You used to score some cracking goals. And then you went to Chelsea. You blazed a trail for every young English footballer not to follow, except that some have (Adam Johnson, Scott Sinclair). And the you went back again to Man City, where you failed horribly. And now you're at QPR.

You know what the worst thing is Shaun? You haven't progressed a single bit since leaving Man City in 2005. You still can't cross, you still have no footballing brain, you're still so limited in skill. 7 years later and you're no better. Of course you managed to win 36 England caps. But if Henderson can win 5 then you can win 36 I guess. That's not a compliment by the way.

And now you're at QPR, heading towards the Championship. And you don't even start for them. You're finally where you belong. But it's still sad.

You'd think this would be a flattering picture, you skipping past Givet. Except that he's now in the Championship. That means I'm pretty sure my gran can go past Givet. And that also shows the last time you played for QPR. Kudos Shaun.

Honourable mention: Scott Sinclair has only been at Man City for a couple of months but we all know he's heading nowhere. We hope you enjoy your fat paycheck Scott, because it's probably the only thing which allows for the destruction of your burgeoning career. A special mention for Theo Walcott as well. You're not worth £75k a week and you still haven't progressed. Arsenal fans won't really care if you leave because a) they have the Ox and b) you'll just join a club and do the same thin (aka cross to the third post).

ATTACKING MIDFIELDER

Again a French player playing slightly out of position. We give you Florent Malouda. Once a World Cup finalist with France and an exciting left-winger for Chelsea, Florent has decided since 2011 to stop giving a damn about football. His performances were so wretched for Chelsea and France during the last season that he's now been sent to play with the Reserves for the year. With no more pace, no desire and what looks like no ability, Florent has seemingly given up on football. And the worst thing is he's portraying himself as a victim of Chelsea's youth policy. You're telling us no-one made you an offer this summer when Chelsea were willing to let you go for free?

Malouda is simply happy to cash in. He's doing what we call a 'Winston Bogarde'. And you know who I fear for? Chelsea's youngsters. Simply watching a 32-year old washed up player come every day with no enthusiasm simply to cash his cheque is not a great example. Sad but not surprising from Malouda.

The tweet which struck fear in Chelsea's youth team.

Honourable mention: What's happened to you David Dunn? And please Joe Cole, can you stop eating pies?

LEFT WINGER

There really was only one candidate for this spot, and we're delighted to announce that Stewart Downing has made the team. That's what happens when you go do the opposite of what Ashley Young has achieved at Manchester United. No goals, no assists, a penalty miss and a potential change of position to left-back. All that whilst losing your place to a 17-year-old girl (Raheem Sterling is a bit camp) after managing to cross the ball properly to a 6ft 3 pole (Andy Carroll). There are no excuses for you Stewart. It's just shameful  You cost £20m, you're worth about £3m now. On a good day.

Is a comment even needed here?

STRIKER

There were quite a few choices available here. But we've decided to go for a Ballon d'Or winner in Michael Owen. Once feared throughout the world after his times at Liverpool and Real Madrid, the little man decided after injuries at Newcastle to go into semi-retirement at Manchester United. He never really contributed and alienated his loyal fanbase, supposedly because he was 'ambitious'. Hey, Michael! Signing to sit on the bench isn't ambitious. Especially for a player of your stature.

After 'leaving' (also known as 'being released') by Man U, Owen entertained offers for his services. Except no-one came. Absolutely no-one. Only Stoke did. For him to sit on the bench there. Despite his 40 goals for England, and still only 32, Owen is now officially worse than Cameron Jerome and Jonathan Walters. What a fall from grace. And it's all down to you Michael. You settled. Now live with that and enjoy the tarnishing of your legacy.

You've waster the end of your career. Now enjoy being fourth-choice at Stoke.

Honourable mention: I thought of putting Andy Carroll in there but it's too early to judge. The obvious candidate was also Fernando Torres. I've highlighted his name because he deserves to be on this list as much as Owen. Except that Torres actually plays and has scored 4 goals in the league this season. I know, I know, it's still crap but that's still better than Owen.

MANAGER

It's Owen Coyle time baby! Oh how he deceived us! Sure he got Burnley promoted, which is quite an achievement. And then he gave Bolton fans stars in their eyes. All of a sudden their team actually attempted to play football, contrary to what they were being told to do under Gary Megson.. It was beautiful....except they didn't win more than under Megson. I know, shocking. And Coyle still played people like Zat Knight and Adam Bogdan. Wow.

So you lied to us Owen. You told us you were going to make the Reebok a fortress of good football. What you gave Bolton fans in the end was average football and relegation. Kudos. The job is yours/

Can you please stop saying 'the Barclays Premier League' every other second please? We know they're sponsored by Barclays, no need to be their advertising board. Thanks.

Honourable Mention: Harry Redknapp was a strong candidate. From getting away with tax evasion and waiting for the FA to offer him the job on the same day to being sacked and working at Bournemouth six months later. A nice fall from garce.


DIRECTOR OF FOOTBALL

We know English football and the Premier League don't particularly enjoy this position but we thought we'd allow it for our candidate. We need someone who's made big transfers not long ago, all of which have been failures, and has now fallen into irrelevance. We could have mentioned Damien Comolli, because that was his actual role at Liverpool. But we've decided to nominate Kenny Dalglish for the position.

Kenny, in eighteen months, managed to do all these things, albeit with some help:

a) Manage over the most dysfunctional season in recent Liverpool history
b) Turn a once-proud club into a joke, and an unlikeable one at that
c) Spend over £80m on players who will bring back only about 25% of that money if sold
d) Tarnish his own personal legacy by looking like a fool.

That's quite impressive. From backing up Luis Suarez to buying Adam, Carroll, Henderson, Downing and Enrique (none of whom start for the club now, except Enrique on a punctual basis) and being so out of touch with reality, Kenny has achieved the unthinkable by making Chelsea and Blackburn look like well-run clubs.

Worst of all he managed to do all that whilst preaching his gospel and using the emotional attachment many felt for him and for his supposed integrity. It was a shambles and Kenny is lucky he had a distinguished past. For his tenure was shameful. A perfect candidate for the role then.

I just threw up in my own mouth

I guess it's lucky that we're doing the letters M to O. M.O for Modus Operandi.

I guess these players' M.O was simple. And it consisted of just 3 steps, for most of them:
1) Do well in France, or get noticed somewhere, somehow.
2) Find a struggling club, or one which wants to make a statement.
3) Fail

These players followed that M.O so well they have the dubious honour of making this list. Congratulations to you all.

MICKAEL MADAR

First of all let's get things straight. When a French name is spelled like Madar's first name, it's pronounced Mick-A-L. Not Michael. Now that's the only positive thing I'm going to say about Madar. And it only relates to his first name.

Actually I'll say something else for him. He had improbable hair. That's right, you don't often get to see the words 'improbable' and 'hair' next to each other in a sentence. But in Mickaël's case, it's the appropriate combination.

Madar: the ball ran away from him quite a lot at Everton.

Surprisingly, or perhaps not so considering how the previous lists have gone, Madar wasn't such a bad player at all. A big 6 ft 3 striker with a good touch and decent pace, Mickaël had scored bundles of goals in the old Ligue 1, most notably for AS Cannes (where Zidane started) and Monaco. He had even earned 3 caps for France prior to Euro 96, scoring one goal. But, maybe as a sign of things to come, Madar joined and utterly failed at Deportivo La Coruna, only appearing in 17 games and scoring 3 goals in his lone season there in 1996-1997. A broken leg didn't help though. This didn't stop Everton manager Howard Kendall enthusiastically bringing Madar to Merseyside in 1997.

It's not that Madar was bad. After all, 6 goals in 19 games isn't horrendous. The only issue was that this was achieved over two seasons. I don't recall whether that was down to injuries or just poor ability. Let's just say Mickaël didn't really leave his mark.


STEVE MARLET

I remember Steve Marlet playing for Auxerre in the Champions' League in the mid-90s. From what I remember they were in the same group as Rangers. It was a good game with good players (Brian Laudrup amongst them) and Marlet stood out. He was quick, dynamic, had good skill on the ball. He looked like a very well-rounded striker. And then he moved to Lyon where he was quite successful.

So I remember when Fulham were linked with him. I thought "Tigana knows his stuff, he's going to sign a good striker, he's a French international, this makes sense." Wow. I was completely wrong. With hindsight, the fact I had faith in Tigana is completely baffling.

Steve Marlet: his face epitomises every fan's reaction to his arrival, thanks to the beauty of hindsight.

£11.5m. That's how much it cost to bring Steve Marlet to Fulham. And that was in 2001, so it's probably worth about £15m. That's also known as 3 Nikica Jelavices. What a bad piece of business.

So what did we get with Steve Marlet? 11 goals in 54 games over 3 seasons. Emile Heskey's goal-scoring record for England? 7 in 62. Are you telling me there's much difference between the two? They even cost the same amount of money.

So Fulham bought the French Emile Heskey. Need I say more?

BERNARD MENDY

In France, there's a famous football website called 'Les Cahiers du Foot'. Every year, in opposition to the Ballon d'Or, they hand out what they call the 'Ballon de Plomb', the 'Ball of Lead'. It's handed out to the player from Ligue 1 who manages to combine the worst in career moves, footballing skill and declarations over the past year.


Let's just say Bernard Mendy has won that 'award', and that he's been nominated countless times. He has become a figure of ridicule in France, with terms such as 'he crossed to the third post' associated with Bernard for good reason.

And yet Mendy had it all at one point. He was über-fast, strong and had good technical ability, despite his crossing being atrocious. He was a prototypical early-00s wing-back: a physical baest who lacked any football brain. But Gof was he fast. Roberto Carlos could testify.


But, after years of banter which descended into animosity with PSG fans, Bernard jumped ship to the UK. He had already gone to Bolton on loan during the 2002-2003 season where he had shown tantalising ability. His time at Hull City would be less remarkable.

We got vintage Mendy at Hull. Obviously that team was a joke and didn't have its place at all in the Prem. Bernard was obliging and found his place right alongside the Craig Fagans and Seyi Olofinjanas of this world, looking distinctly average in a team which was horribly out of its depth.

Following Hull's relegation, Bernard was released and joined Odense. In Denmark. Where he became Eric Djemba-Djemba's team-mate. Enough said.

ANTHONY MODESTE

Modest in name and in talent. I know, that was poor. but so was Anthony. To be fair to him, Blackburn were a shambles. He had joined a club where there was no manager. That's right, I don't count Steve Kean as a manager. So Anthony joined a tough club, but that was also his choice.

Wow. That photo just feels so awkward.

Modeste only stayed there for half a season as Blackburn and Kean got desperate. What we saw was pathetic: an incredible number of sitters completely missed and even a red card to boot. 9 games and no goals later and Modeste was flown back to France. He will not be missed.

STEVEN MOUYOKOLO

After Bernard Mendy, Steven Mouyokolo. Kudos, Phil Brown. You signed him from Boulogne, what did you expect?

Pacy and strong, Steven has all you need in a centre-back. Except a football brain and the ability to understand the offside rule. Another disgustingly random and average player at Hull, he somehow managed to make his way to Wolves after Bullard's Boys' relegation. And he managed to play 4 league games for anotehr relegation-bound team. He couldn't dislodge Jody Craddock, Richard Stearman or Roger Johnson. Think on that for a minute.

Average, random. We give you Steven Mouyokolo. A cross between Ronald Zubar and Bernard Mendy. I just re-read that statement. Shocking.

Steven Mouyokolo: we're happy to say goodbye.

ARNOLD MVUEMBA

If I told you Arnold Mvuemba now plays for Lyon in France, I'm guessing this would be your reaction:
1. Who the hell is Arnold Mvuemba?
2. (upon being told of who he is) He's still a professional player?
3. He's playing for Lyon? What's happened to them? No wonder they're not in the Champions' League any more!
4. Doesn't Yoann Gourcuff play for Lyon? Wasn't he meant to be the next Zidane or something?

And you'd be right on all counts.

59 Attack, 44 Defence: the prototypical average midfielder.  Also known as Arnold Mvuemba.

For your information, Arnold Mvuemba was highly rated in his youth. He was Lassana Diarra's midfield partner and shone with him at the U-20 Toulon Tournament in 2004. Unfortunately his time at Portsmouth was nothing to shout about, with a paltry 21 league appearances in two seasons before he went back to France.

Mvuemba's case was just another example of a youngster not fulfilling his early promise abroad. A shame.

CHRISTIAN NADE

Christian Nadé is a striker whose best ever goal-scoring season was achieved in 2007-2008 with 5 goals for...Hearts. If that doesn't show you how bad Nadé is and was the I don't know what else will.

Of course it's not like he joined an incredible club in the Prem. He joined Sheffield United. Under Neil Warnock. And was second choice to Steve Kabba (now of Barnet). Wow.

A rare caption: Chrisitan Nadé celebrates scoring a goal

Nadé did have a brilliant season...by his own standards. 3 goals in 28 Premier League games. Extraordinary. Of course he managed to score against Arsenal, but who hasn't done so over the years? After a frustrating lone season Christian left us to join Hearts, then Alki Larnaca (Cypriot 1st Division!) and last we heard, Samut Songkhram. No idea where that is.

Christian Nadé: the French Christopher Wreh.

LILIAN NALIS

Lilian Nalis is one of those foreign players no-one remembers. Not because he was that bad nor because he was that good. After playing in France and Italy for a succession of relegation-threatened teams (Le Havre, Bastia, Chievo), it was no surprise Nalis was picked by Leicester, themselves an awful team.

So what did Lilian bring to the table? I'm  not really sure. Was he a holding midfielder? Was he an attacking midfielder? The answer is no. Nalis was a central midfielder. Not good enough to hold, not good enough to create. Good enough to run and pass sideways without ever threatening the opposition goal. Except for this one time...


That was Nalis's only goal in the Premier League for Leicester. He then bounced around the lower leagues before going back to France.

CHRISTIAN NEGOUAI

I remember reading an article in the papers around 2002-2003 which basically said 'Who the hell is Christian Negouai? What's he doing at Manchester City? Is he an actual player?'. I kid you not, that was the tone of the article.

So who, or more appropriately, what was Christian Negouai? He's a man who spent 4 years at Manchester City and managed to play a grand total of 6 games. That's 1.25 games a season. Or 105 minutes. Wow. That's all I know. And, let's be honest, that's all I care about. An enigma.

Who are you? What are you? What's your purpose in football? Ladies and Gentlemen, Christian Negouai.

DAVID N'GOG

If I told you David N'Gog was Jean-Alain Boumsong's cousin, then you'd understand that me saying he's the best of the two isn't  a compliment. Especially when what I've just said is a lie. David N'Gog is a worse football player than Jean-Alain Boumsong. Of course they don't play the same position. But I'm pretty sure I'm right.

Now let that all in sink in. David N'Gog is a worse player than Jean-Alain Boumsong. It's a statement which should make every Bolton fan shiver.

David was meant to be a promising striker at PSG. But, faced with a turbulent situation at the club, and his lack of goals (a recurring theme), he left at the age of 19 to join Liverpool. It seemed like a good deal for the Merseyside club: N'Gog was a France U-19 international, had already played at Ligue 1 level and had sparkled for a young PSG side at the Emirates Cup a year ago. He seemed one for the future.

I guess N'Gog was unlucky that he joined at the time Fernando Torres (remember him?) was at the club. I'm not talking Chelsea's Fernando Torres. I'm talking about the Spanish striker who had the world at his feet.

But what was disturbing was that, whenever he played, N'Gog just didn't seem like he had it. Average pace, poor touch, no physical presence, no sense of where the goal was. Just a poor striker.

N'Gog well beaten in the air by Rafael. A symbol of David's awfulness.

After 9 goals in 60 Premier League games for Liverpool, also known as 'the Heskey Ratio', David left to join Bolton. Under the 'magnificent' Owen Coyle (Gary Megson didn't get Bolton relegated. Just saying.) everyone thought that N'Gog would finally flourish. he deceived us all, scoring a superb 3 goals in 33 Premier League games before relegation. That makes Christian Nadé look world-class. And that was achieved even though N'Gog finally started a majority of the games.

Just an awful, awful player. Still only 23, so you know somebody is stupidly going to take a punt on him.

BRUNO N'GOTTY

Bruno N'Gotty was a good player for Bolton. It feels wrong to squeeze him in-between N'Gog and Obertan. What's even more impressive was that N'Gotty achieved all he did at Bolton despite coming there towards the tail end of his career.

After a career spent in some big clubs (he scored a Cup Winners' Cup final winning goal for PSG in 1995), Bruno decided to leave the French shores, where he was unappreciated, to come to England. He stumbled upon Bolton and Big Sam and never looked back.

A big, no-nonsense centre-back with a decent amount of pace, Bruno was one of the players who Big Sam seemed to rely upon the most. He was influential in bringing crucial defensive solidity. And he was dependable too, appearing in 150 games in four and a half season. Whilst people remember the Nolans, Davies and Fredi Bobic (ahem) for helping Bolton stay up, N'Gotty perhaps had as big a role as anyone by marshalling a sturdy defense.

Bruno: a success at the Reebok

Finally, aged 35 he left Bolton to join Birmingham and then Leicester. He was still valued at both clubs and performed well despite his advancing years.

Bruno N'Gotty: an underrated French success.

GABRIEL OBERTAN

Gabriel Obertan is also known as 'The Second Coming of David Bellion'. Except he's doing everything the other way round, going from Bordeaux to Manchester United before moving up North. The only constant between the two is the lack of talent.
David Bellion was a highly-rated youngster in France, at Cannes? So was Obertan, at Bordeaux. Bellion played for Manchester United? So did Obertan. Bellion played in Geordie-land, at Sunderland? So did Obertan, currently at Newcastle. I'm telling you, they're so similar it's crazy. Add the premature baldness and lack of talent and you'd have to check their DNA.

For once Gabriel is looking up. Shame he doesn't know he's lost control of the ball.

Gabriel thinks he's such a great dribbler he's perfected the 'head-down' move: Take the ball, put your head down, try and dribble. There are usually two endings to that move:
a) Lose the ball
b) Cross to no-one

Obertan has perfected both. I think a £5 bet on him going back to France and to a club like Brest or Bastia is a good bet. Truly average.