Wally with a Brolly

OK people, I've drafted in Chaka Demus and Westy for a round table discussion on a few football issues. This will hopefully be a weekly/regular thing so let us know what you think and whether you agree/disagree with us.

1- QPR, Reading, Wigan, Aston Villa, Southampton and Sunderland. Out of the current bottom six, who will stay up and who will get relegated?

Westy: Wigan, Villa and Sunderland will stay up. QPR are thoroughly detestable due to their scatter-gun approach to transfers and the mercenary-like attitude of their players. It's been good to see Harry bring players like Shaun Derry back into the fold, but I can't see them pulling it around. Sunderland have been atrocious of late, but provided they stick with Martin, they'll sort it out - the big worry would be an injury to Fletcher as they've got nothing else up front. Whilst I'd love Southampton to stay up, my head says they don't quite have enough steel to see out the tough wins (see the game against Swansea for example...). The main difference is the managers - Lambert, Martinez and O'Neill all have good experience of the tough end of the Premiership and that should be enough.

Chaka Demus: QPR and Reading are done for. I don't see either of them surviving. QPR are a complete joke but it's a real shame for Reading as they play some nice football and are pretty good going forward but they just have such a woeful defence and can't keep hold of a lead. Of the other, I'm not sure. I think Sunderland are in trouble. I'd like to see Southampton and Wigan stay up. I think Villa with Benteke and Weimann will be OK.

Bappo: QPR are already down for me. No team cohesion,no unity, no style of play and Redknapp isn't that good. So for me they're actually heading for League One within three years  No joke. As for the other two, it's hard to look past Reading, they're just too naïve. It's a shame because I like McDermott and his team-first approach. I'm going to say Wigan finally go down and Martinez loses his luckily-earned reputation (he stumbled upon that 3-5-2). I think it will be between them and Southampton for that third place but the Saints have a lot more firepower so it might help them in the long term. Sunderland and Villa really should be safe, but they'll sweat a little over the course of the season.

That slogan could not be more wrong. Sorry QPR but it's a unanimous sentence: you're going down.

2- After the Manchester derby and United's win, who will win the league this season?

Westy: United will, somehow. In spite of the fact that their midfield remains pitiful (why hasn't Sir Alex bought a decent holding midfielder?), they have too much nous for the rest of the league and pull out the results when it matters. City remains a team of individuals, as exemplified by the various antics of Nasri and Balotelli on the day - great when it's going their way, but fold the moment it goes against them.

Chaka Demus: Watching the game, all the pundits were just wetting themselves with excitement about this being the title decider, which was total b******s. Last season  Man Utd were, what, 8 points ahead with 5 game left? They then sh*t the bed and City came back to win it in extra time of the last game. Neither of the Manchester teams have played really well yet this season and they head the table. I think it will be one of the twobut it's too early to say as yet... I would love for it be Everton though, if only they hadn't had so many draws up to this point.

Aguero's goal: the reason why Chaka Demus doesn't want to make a prediction.

Bappo: Man City. It's still theirs to lose in my book. They've got the better players and Man Utd just have to start losing at some point because they're that average. Honestly. And because I still have hope that Mancini will stop being stupid and will revert back to a 4-2-3-1 with Lescott/Kompany at the back and Aguero/Tevez up front. Just please stop playing Nasri/Balotelli/Javi Garcia/Maicon. Yours faithfully, Bappo.

3- Now that we are close to the half-way point of the season, who will end up in the top 4?

Westy:  1. Man Utd 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Spurs (much though I'd love it to be Everton)

Chaka Demus: The top 4 at the end of the season? Utd and City, plus who knows? I have a feeling Liverpool will actually spend some money in January so I can see them being back there. I think Everton are quite a safe bet for now as long as they stay fit. They are a very good team unit, unlike City. Spurs could be in there as well but they are just so erratic and their supporters are so fickle it's a joke. I will say the two Manchester teams and the two Liverpool teams.

Bappo: 1. Man City 2. Man Utd 3. Spurs 4. Liverpool


4- Who has done the best job out of the new managers this season?

Westy: Rafa Benitez...nah, probably Michael Laudrup for doing an exceptional job in replacing Brendan Rodgers. Although not technically new, Big Sam also deserves a mention for bringing West Ham back as a far stronger force than when they left.

Chaka Demus: Rafa Benitez...of course. Just kidding - Steve Clarke.

Well done Rafa you made it! Oh wait...

Bappo: Rafa Benitez just for being who he is...a tw*t. The award must go to Michael Laudrup for transforming Swansea from a passing team with no urgency to one able to counter and attack with speed. Big kudos as well to Chris Hughton who not only is a nice guy but has done very, very well at Norwich. And special mention to AVB who, despite all the hoopla, has guided Tottenham within touching distance of the top 4 whilst having to play William Gallas at the back. Quite an achievement.

5 -Name the 5 most impressive players this season

Westy: I've taken this to mean players who have surprised and impressed me personally. We all know the Van Persies and Harts of the world are exceptional - this is, for me, those players who have performed far above what I had previously thought of them.

Therefore, Michu wins this by a mile. The rest of mine are somewhat surprising. Pablo Zabaleta has epitomised what a City player should be like - works very hard for the team and has made the 'where is Micah Richards' debate a complete non-issue. Kevin Nolan is another one who's impressed, grabbing some vital goals for West Ham as well as being a complete nightmare to play against. Marouane Fellaini is another whose inclusion can't be debated, and my final choice would be Shane Long, who works phenomenally hard for his team and provides a great focal point for West Ham's counters.

Chaka Demus: 1. Michu - just unbelievable
                        2. Pablo Zabaleta - he must run 50 miles every game he plays and, unlike the majority of his team, is the only player to look like he really gives a s**t. Nasri, Yaya Touré, Silva, Balotelli all look completely disinterested.
                        3. Jermain Defoe - looks very sharp and also looks to be enjoying himself which is good to see.
                        4. Jason Puncheon and Adam Lallana - very good work together and individually. I'd really like to see Southampton do well or at least stay up.
                        5. The entire Everton team working as one. Proper football.

Bappo: 1. Michu - for obvious reasons. Top scorer whilst playing for Swansea as an unorthodox centre-forward. Impressive.
             2. Sebastien Bassong - because he's made Michael Turner look like a Premier League centre-back and he's even scored 3 in 3. I wonder if AVB is happy he let him go to keep William Gallas. Unsung hero.
             3. Wayne Routledge, Nathan Dyer and Pablo Hernandez - because they're part of the reason Michu has been so good.
             4. James Morrison - because not only does he 'give me something' but he loves to score a belter and has been a huge reason why West Brom were out of the blocks so well.
             5. Marouane Fellaini - because he's a beast, because he chests the ball down like no other and because he's got incredible hair. All valid reasons.

Michu has impressed everyone with his goalscoring exploits. Not so much with his celebrations.

6- Name the 5 most disappointing players this season

Westy: 1. Adam Johnson. He should be a key member of a relatively poor team, and just wastes almost every chance he gets to cross or shoot (the fluke against Chelsea doesn't count, Cech should save that all day long).
             2. The entire Arsenal team. They should be utterly embarrassed at how poor they have been this season.

Chaka Demus: 1. Mario Balotelli - all talk and no trousers.
                        2. The majority of the QPR team are just an embarrassment.
                        3. Fernando Torres - up until this past weekend he has been shocking and rightly criticised by the media for his poor performances. Let's hope he can bring it round.

Bappo:  1. Yaya Touré - When you're that good and you have the ability to absolutely beast every game, it's embarrassing to see you coast and do f**k all. Really awful.
              2. Thomas Vermaelen - what's happened to you Thomas? You've managed to make Mertesacker look world class this season. You and Koscielny were meant to finally get it together.
              3. Papiss Cissé - please start scoring again and giving a damn.
              4. Gary Cahill - I know your partner is Sideshow Bob but could you please re-learn the art of defending?
              5. Ashley Williams - because you make Chico Flores and his uni-brow look class. Quite an achievement.

I would have added Torres and Gervinho but they've been sh*t for too long to call them 'disappointing'.

Congrats Arsenal. According to Westy, you've all been abysmal. Bravo.

7- Name your 5 most disliked players this season

Westy: Adam Johnson, Suarez, Gervinho, Taarabt, Balotelli. For Johnson, see above. For Suarez, there's no need to even ask. Balotelli was fun at the beginning but it's now just annoying watching his petulant side rear its head every single game. Also, when did he last do something good? Gervinho has been a complete waste of money and still has no idea what to do in the final third. Taarabt is up there because he's just too selfish for a side in that much trouble. Granted, he can produce moments of brilliance, but he needs to realise he's just one man of eleven.

That's right Luis, claim that award for most despicable player.

Chaka Demus: 1. Ashley Young - he's just such a whiny, diving little b*tch. I can't stand him.
                        2. Ramires/Jon Obi Mikel/whichever Chelsea player was responsible for the allegations against Mark Clattenburg. And then, in turn, Chelsea not offering any kind of a public apology to him having potentially ruined his career. Disgraceful.
                        3. Santi Cazorla - again for diving. Made Steven Reid look culpable for something he didn't do and turned that game against West Brom. Shameful behaviour. 

That's about it really. Not too many players I dislike this year.

Bappo: John Terry is in there. Because he has to be. After all he embodies the most despicable team in the land. A poster boy for the wrong reasons. Luis Suarez and Gareth Bale also make an appearance for the same reasons: diving. 4 bookings for simulation and sarcastic clapping of the ref: sorry Gareth but you're as bad as the rat-faced Uruguayan. I still want to like you but you're heading towards my doghouse. And it's hard to leave. Just ask Ryan Shawcross. And finally I'm going to award the last two places to Patrice Evra and William Gallas. Because they both just don't care and get away with it. They're also crap at very good clubs. Disgusting.

A special mention to Liam Ridgewell for his outrageous dive the other day. And then you wonder why I don't feel sorry for you about the Cazorla thing. What goes around comes around West Brom!

8- With Sunderland languishing in 15th, how should we assess Martin O'Neill's contribution? Better or worse than Steve Bruce?

Westy: Good question! I still think Sunderland are in a better place than they were with Bruce, but it's hard to say why. The squad is improved but just suffering a crisis of confidence. I'm pretty sure that the victory over Reading will boost them.

Chaka Demus: Tough one to answer. I think you really just have to take into account what a relatively poor squad of players they have. The defence is weak. The midfield is reasonable but not a whole lot of pace or creativity and then they are relying purely on Steven Fletcher to score goals. I don't think either manager should be overly criticised. Although I cannot for the life of me understand why a player like Louis Saha is sitting on the bench for 80 minutes every game. 

Bappo: In my view Martin O'Neill is infinitely better than Steve Bruce. After all, it's not like he signed Titus Bramble. Although he did sign Heskey for Villa. Ouch. The problem with Sunderland is their centre midfield. Cattermole/Gardner/Larsson are not the best candidates to thread some good balls to a potentially dangerous front 4 of Sessegnon/McClean/Johson/Fletcher. It doesn't help that only one of these four players has actually turned up. They should get better with time.

Adam Johnson: it'd be good if he decided to play a bit.

9 -What are your views on the Darren Bent situation?

Westy: I don't really understand why he's being left out, as I'm sure Villa would have more success pairing him with Benteke. Granted, the Belgian's been good, but they need to be more attacking, and you can't doubt Bent's goal-scoring ability. An odd one certainly.

Chaka Demus: I really couldn't care less. He thinks he is a lot better than he actually is and is paid too much already. I think he will definitely move in January. 

Bappo: Sorry but Benteke, at this moment in time, is better. He actually tries to do things like pass the ball to his team-mates or pressurise the defenders. Bent is just an English Pippo Inzaghi. He scores goals but does nothing else. And when your manager only plays one up front you're going to drop out. Is Lambert being a bit evasive about it all? Sure, but he's also right. And don't forget Weimann.

He's pulling that face every day now.

10- Where will Newcastle finish this season?

Westy: 8th/9th. The injuries have taken their toll on a good but thin squad. They massively over-achieved last season and a top half finish would represent a decent consolidation from last year.

Chaka Demus: With their current injury worries and Europa League matches in the New Year I think they are likely to finish in the bottom half. Not in danger of relegation I don't think but they will certainly need Demba Ba to stay fit.

Bappo: 13th. No Tioté due to the CAN, injuries to Cabaye, a misfiring Cissé and a weak defence. They'll be safe but they'll struggle a little bit.   



The Week-end's predictions

Newcastle v Manchester City
Chaka Demus (1-2), Westy (0-2), Bappo (0-2)


Manchester United v Sunderland
Chaka Demus (3-1), Westy (3-0), Bappo (2-1)


Stoke v Everton
Chaka Demus (1-1), Westy (1-1), Bappo (0-1)


Liverpool v Aston Villa
Chaka Demus (2-1), Westy (2-1), Bappo (1-0)


Norwich v Wigan
Chaka Demus (1-0), Westy (1-0), Bappo (2-0)


QPR v Fulham
Chaka Demus (0-2), Westy (2-1), Bappo (1-1)


Tottenham v Swansea
Chaka Demus (2-2), Westy (3-1), Bappo (1-2)


West Brom v West Ham
Chaka Demus (2-2), Westy (1-2), Bappo (0-1)


Reading v Arsenal
Chaka Demus (1-3), Westy (0-1), Bappo (0-2)