Wally with a Brolly

Back when QPR made an approach for Neil Warnock in 2010, they were becoming the laughing-stock of the Championship. After all, they were meant to be the 'nouveaux riches' of the division. They were owned by a group of incredibly wealthy individuals (Ecclestone, Briatore and Mittal) who considered millions to be pocket money.

But the club was a figure of ridicule. It had quickly become obvious that none of these owners were genuinely interested in their new business venture, at least not to the point of the usual modern football club owners. Worst of all, they could not find agreement on any issue, or even bother to turn up for a game. Which, when you think of Mittal in particular, is quite justifiable by the way. But anyway.

They had given the decision-making authority to a certain Flavio Briatore. You remember him from his F1 days: he was the guy behind the winning machine that was Michael Schumacher, and after Fernando Alonso. He was also a comically stereotypical fat Italian who bedded supermodels and instigated the Nelson Piquet incident in F1, which led to our dear Flavio being being banned by the FIA (Fédération Internationale de l'Automobile). What better way to become a joke than being run by an Italian Mafia-like figure? QPR certainly knew how to do it.

"What does QPR stand for?"

And yet, when Neil Warnock, he of the many grudges but also impressive managerial accomplishments, moved to the club, he brought with it an element of respectability and accountability. Here was a no-nonsense, successful (at lower league level) football man who knew how to work on a shoestring budget.

Warnock didn't only bring success to QPR, he changed the club inside out. He combined the essential ingredients to make fans fall in love with their club again: a dash of creativity to go with handfuls of work and sweat. If you're a fan paying £40 for a Championship game and supporting a long-suffering club, you don't want prima donnas and instability. You want players who will make you get off your seat because you're anticipating something special. And you want the traditional 'water carriers' who will give their all for the club and don't need to kiss the badge because you know they love the club.

Warnock: turned the club around

Warnock understood that perfectly. He knew he needed to build a team unit rather than a collection of individuals. Gone were the Matteo Albertis and other previous signings, and in came Adel Taarabt, Shaun Derry and Clint Hill, amongst others. Many of these players were unheralded and moderate successes at the highest level. But they bought into Warnock's vision and motivation.

Of course Taarabt got all the headlines for his wonderful play and petulant behaviour, on which Warnock seemed to thrive. But perhaps as important were players like Bradley Orr, Paddy Kenny and Ale Faurlin. The young Argentinian was another example of Warnock's astute management: here was a player he had not brought to the club, but he recognised the midfielder's talent and nurtured it, even when his transfer potentially caused the club huge problems.

Faurlin and Taarabt: two examples of Warnock's magnificent man-management.

And so QPR raced ahead and never let go of their position at the top of the table. And Warnock, with his collection of underrated and overachieving players, completed a wonderful mission and brought QPR back to the Premier League.

And so the likeable, if slightly angry, Yorkshireman had finally brought respect back to QPR.

But Briatore and co weren't done with bringing ridicule. They clearly saw the club, which they hadn't really wanted in the first place, as a good business now that the Premier League was knocking at the door. QPR finally had potential; it no longer was a sleeping giant in an incredibly difficult league with no real financial incentives. It was now a London Premier League club, and people were willing to pay big bucks to get in on that act.

Warnock started trying to sign players with no money and no support available. The man was running everything at the club, shopping at Asda for players when even teams like Stoke were (at least) shopping at Tesco's, buying players like Wilson Palacios. Even Swansea, seemingly destined for the drop, paid £3.5m for Danny Graham. Warnock had no money whatsoever.

But he didn't complain, too happy at finally being able to run a club as he wanted, and delighted to be back in the Premier League, where he still felt resentment for the way his Sheffield United had been treated.

Warnock went about his business, looking for players with Premier League experience and something to prove. He was repeating what he had done the season before, but this time with Premier League players. He also understood the essence of his team, and knew that adding only a few players would keep the balance. His signings of Heidar Helguson and Danny Gabbidon were testament to his philosophy. Warnock had faith in his players, and thought that the dynamics of their promotion and their closeness from that experience would help them offset the difficult times of a relegation fight.

Mackie and Gabbidon: brought to the club by Warnock. And it was working.

But then Warnock lost his grip on the club. Tony Fernandes, founder of AirAsia, decided, after failing in a bid for West Ham, to buy QPR. Of course the man made sense; he was talking the talk of stability, even if he seemed to have a love for the cameras and headlines which was bordering on the obscene. With his takeover finalised only days before the end of the transfer deadline, he set about leaving the keys of the club to Warnock whilst giving him adequate support.

Warnock quickly continued along with his philosophy, bringing players such as Wright-Phillips and Anton Ferdinand to QPR, both of whom had a desire to prove they still belonged in the Premier League. Even the signing of Joey Barton went along with the thought process promoted by Warnock. He had built a team in his image.

And so the expected struggle for Premier League survival started. And QPR weren't doing too badly. January arrived and the club was still out of the relegation zone, hanging in there in 17th, even after a difficult run of results which had left Warnock seething.

But we could all see how this would pan out. Tony Fernandes had been struck with Abramovichitis. He had seen himself as The Decider. After rubbish talks of moving to a new stadium, of being chummy with QPR fans on Twitter (eugh) and of giving ridiculous interviews on Sky Sports News showing his loyalty to Warnock, he had decided he'd had enough. He was, after all, a businessman. He had built AirAsia from scratch you see. So he knew how to handle business. And sacking Warnock was a business decision you see. It made so much sense from a business point of view. Except, from a football point of view, it clearly didn't.

(inside voice) "Deary me I'm going to get the sack soon aren't I?"

Fernandes was seeing bigger and better. Forget the fact that Warnock knew better than anyone that settling in the Premier League is a gradual evolution, and that the club had been in a perilous state before. Forget the fact that his players were playing for their manager and for their club with great passion. Tony had had enough, he owned the club, and that was that. Tony had stars in his eyes and wanted better.

So he went for Mark Hughes. He was the perfect manager for the QPR Fernandes envisioned. Here was an overrated manager who had never revolutionised a club wherever he'd been and had never really achieved anything in charge of a Premier League. And don't tell me his time at Blackburn was an incredible success. Sam Allardyce did as well there. And don't get me started on Hughesy's shambolic time at Man City. People criticise Mancini but he's been the Guardiola to Hughes's Steve Kean at Man City. Seriously. More importantly, he was a pushover, an easy prey to Fernandes's megalomania.

QPR were starting to become a laughing stock again, from the owner mentioning unachievable objectives to the manager stating that he had come to QPR for 'the project' which he seemingly couldn't find at Fulham before that. Hughes had swapped a stable club where the owner backs his managers to one where a schoolboy was his new boss and had just sacked his predecessor, a man who had done more for the club than anyone in the last 20 years, because QPR were 17th. If that doesn't sound fishy to you, then I don't know what does.

"I'm here for the long-term project." Of course you are Mark. Except there was a better one in the neighbourhood already. You know, the one you left for this laughable situation. And how's the job search going?

And yet QPR survived despite an incredibly tough run-in. But once again, none of the players Hughes had brought to the club accomplished anything (I'm looking at you Zamora). Only the Jamie Mackies and Shaun Derrys produced any semblance of pride in their performances and helped lift QPR out of relegation.

But at least QPR were still in the Premier League. Mark Hughes was talking long term, Fernandes was talking about learning from his mistakes. It all seemed to make sense again, and ridicule should have disappeared. But it only got worse.

In the summer of 2012, QPR embarked on a transfer policy which lacked any direction and any coherence. Hughes and Fernandes bought left, right and centre. Everyone was welcome. From Hughes favourites (Andy Johnson) to overrated, old Premier League players (Park, Rob Green, José Bosingwa), QPR bought and didn't look at their product. They even added expensive imports (Granero and Julio Cesar). The goalkeeper situation was emblematic of the stupidity of QPR's transfer policy, after Hughes bought Julio Cesar only weeks after bringing Green to the club. Kudos on how to destroy your players' confidence. That's no way to create team unity Mark. Just saying.

Mackie surrounded by opportunists: QPR's sad story.

Each player's status was up in the air. But Fernandes was satiated. He had his 'big names' (haha) and thought the club finally had a Premier League look about it. Sorry Tony, your club was becoming a joke.

It was all too predictable after that. Players who had never played together could not put 3 passes together, the summer signings were actually crap (we all knew that before they signed) and Hughes, that manager of no tactical creativity whatsoever, couldn't find a solution. We kept being told that QPR were going to put it together and that they 'needed time'. That's relegation talk for 'we're screwed' by the way.

Once again, the only players giving a damn and performing were the Warnock signings. Clint Hill and Shaun Derry, them again, were giving their heart and soul for their club and running their socks off. Adel Taarabt was the only creative spark, albeit intermittently. Jamie Mackie led the line. Only Julio Cesar performed well out of the new players.

And we all knew where that was heading. Even Hughes knew it. His time was up. Fernandes didn't want to assume responsibility for the mess he had helped create. And so he sacked his manager. It was all a classic tale.

And once again Fernandes and QPR went in search of respectability. And he thought he found it in 'Arry Redknapp. But that didn't strike anyone as showing QPR was an established Premier League club. Quite the opposite actually. Redknapp only took over at relegation-threatened clubs. Even Tottenham had been in danger when he took over at White Hart Lane. And it was clear to everyone that Redknapp was comppletely detached from the fate of the club. It was obvious from the start that this was a win-win for Jamie's dad. If QPR go down, it's Hughes's fault. If they stay up he's a magician.


But the self-publicising Fernandes was delighted; he had an established manager (another one) at the helm. And he was forced to back him up.

And so forget about the fact QPR are down there because of squad instability, and that no contract has any relegation clause (apparently). Forget the fact that Redknapp will only add to that, buying Remy for a reported £8m and £80,000 a week, and tabling ridiculous bids for Samba and old boy Crouchy (again, great tactical acumen!).

"I'm staying until June, I'm taking the money in and then I'm getting the hell out of here."

It's a sad state of affairs now at QPR. Shambolic management at all levels has left the club in dire straits.

For I remember a team which gambled heavily to ensure Premier League survival, led by a crazy chairman. They did survive, then they went down, and now they've only recently come back to the fore thanks to a brilliant cup run. Problem is, they're in League Two now, they can't pay their debts and the survival of the club itself was at stake before that miraculous cup run. I give you Bradford.

Remember what players (and contarcts) like Carbone did to Bradford?

QPR are the new Bradford. They've become a joke. They're heading nowhere, surrounded by a majority of people who hold no loyalty to the club. And yet only Tony blindly (wilfully?) goes on, leaving his daydream and playing with his toy. But, unlike a 5 year-old, when the toy will break (because it will), he'll have to assume responsibility. One can only hope so, for QPR's sake. A club is in real danger. Premier League survival is not really the issue, long-term survival is.

We kick things off in the Round Table with Nigel Adkins's dismissal at Southampton. But, most importantly, we're delighted to welcome Cam to the team at Wally. As an avid pre-Abramovich Chelsea fan (also known as 'a true Chelsea fan'), will he counter the constant Chelsea bashing which has been a regular feature of Wally's Round Table? One might suspect he'll add to the unparalleled bad faith demonstrated by Westy, Chaka Demus and Bappo already.

1- We'll start with the obvious one. What did you make of Nigel Adkins's dismissal, and what do you think of Mauricio Pochettino? Will the Saints survive?

Westy: No matter how Pochettino does, this is a disgraceful decision. Adkins ahs improved Southampton's league standing by around 50 places since he took charge, how can they think Pochettino will do better with a squad who don't know him? And he's never managed, or played, in England! Ludicrous.

Cam: This really is a strange one. First of all it is extremely harsh on Nigel Adkins who achieved back to back promotions with Southampton and, despite a shaky start to the season, had begun to turn things around. Plus he clearly had the full support and respect of the fans and players; but as so often happens in modern football, the chairman decided to exercise his prerogative. As of Pochettino, he is still a relatively young manager but he hasn't particularly impressed me. After an impressive start to his managerial career at Espanyol, the team gradually nosedived under his stewardship and he was sacked with the team rock bottom of La Liga with just 9 points from 13 matches. So things don't bode too well for Southampton in that respect. Plus he doesn't speak English yet so I have to admit I'm baffled.

Bappo: A harsh one, undoubtedly. Adkins was doing well, although he had spent a decent amount of money so it's not like he wasn't given any support to start with. And he was liked by fans and players, but since when do modern owners actually give a damn about that? You only have to look at what happened to Di Matteo at Chelsea and you understand Abramovich isn't alone in deciding whatever he wants and not caring about anyone else. Pochettino? Recommended personally by Mourinho who's taken him under his wing. Did well at Espanyol considering they had no money and kept selling their best players. Southampton? They have a good chance of staying up. Only because the six teams at the bottom are just so rubbish.

Divided opinions

2- What did you make of the Tottenham-Man Utd game and of Fergie's new rant?

Westy: If you look at it in an unbiased fashion (granted, I'm finding this difficult), it should have been a penalty. Looking back to the Drogba one, that too was a very poor decision - although it's interesting how many people forget the Macheda goal in that game, where he pretty much threw the ball into the net like a hot potato...That being said, Spurs were much better than United in the second half, and a draw was the least they deserved. David de Gea was simply outstanding throughout as well - the boy doesn't get enough praise.

De Gea: immense, according to Westy.

Cam: Enjoyed the game, thought Spurs more than deserved their point and perhaps should have got the win they were looking for (considering Bale and Dempsey's chances). Fergie simply has to be charged by the FA. If not, it is pure double standards. Recently both Martinez and Big Sam have questioned match officials' integrity and were immediately charged. However Fergie does it, and the FA reluctantly asks him to clarify his comments. There is nothing to clarify. He clearly stated that the linesman was heavily biased against Man Utd during the game and also during a game against Chelsea a few years ago. This is questioning the integrity of match officials and is as clear breach of the rules as you can get.

Bappo: Tactically interesting, boring to the naked eye. I thought Michael Carrick was absolutely outstanding. His performance was Busquets-esque it was that good. Honestly. As for Bale, can you stop shooting all the time and vary your game once in a while? As for Fergie, call me harsh but I can't wait for him to retire. The guy just pisses me off all the time. I know the criticism is part of a ploy to divert attention away from the draw, mindgames, bla bla bla. But when you're 95 you expect more class. Of course he won't get charged. He's f*****g Alex Ferguson. So why should he ever get criticised? That's his attitude anyway.

                            Bappo can picture Fergie saying the same thing. Just swap the names of course.

3- Chelsea won last week-end against Arsenal, but their main target Guardiola went to Bayern Munich. How will the season pan out for the Blues, and who will manage them next season?

Westy: Interestingly, I think it'll still be Rafa. He's got a proven record in the Champions League, has a habit of winning penalty shootouts, and Chelsea fans will swallow whatever rubbish Roman wants to feed them. Realistically, they're only 3 players off winning the league, with the core of that squad arguably as good as Mournho's. A couple of new centre backs and a striker and they're back in business.

Cam: Chelsea will finish 3rd in the league and need to win the FA Cup and/or Europa League to avoid the season becoming a complete disaster. The Special One will return next season.

It all hinges on this man. This is a nice way of signing we don't have a clue as to what's going to happen at Chelsea.

Bappo: They'll finish 4th, right behind Tottenham. Hopefully they'll win nothing this season so Rafa doesn't get the job at Real due to a destroyed reputation. Bitter? Of course not. I don't think they'll win anything, Lampard will leave and cry me a freaking river, and they'll be managed by Michael Emenalo and Roman Abramovich. If only. At least that'd be entertaining. Instead they'll just go for another big-name manager. Boring.

4- Sunderland have climbed up the table, despite Titus Bramble starting. He's obviously played well, but who would be in your top 3 comical players of all time?

Westy: EMILE HESKEY!



and this striker:


Possibly two of the best clips ever!

Cam: Benjani Mwaruwari - at times he really could not hit a barn door for Pompey!
          Andy Reid - overweight!
          Bebe - won the homeless world cup? ! Got a £7.4m transfer to Man Utd. Disappeared?

Bappo: Richard Kingson - he would go from the sublime to the ridiculous at least 5 times in one single game. Superb.
             Jean-Titus Brambsong - the combination of Titus and Boum Boumsong was simply glorious. You were guaranteed shambolic defending every week-end!
             Benjani Mwaruwari - great name, great hair, and an unquestioned ability in missing an open goal. Superb.

Benjani: an old favourite.

           
5- The Stoke bubble has burst a little bit in the last few weeks. What do you make of Tony Pulis's side? Who impresses you for them, and who doesn't?

Westy: Shawcross and Huth were the bedrock of this side last year, but they've not been anywhere near as good. As much fun as it was seeing Jon Walters take the worst penalty since David Beckham, he's been pretty pants too. Also - Kenwyne Jones. Seriously?

Erm, so yeah, people who impress me? Whelan and Adam have been all right, but centre mid is never where Stoke's strengths are, so that probably says more about the other players than it does about them.

Cam: Stoke are what they are. Love them or hate them they play within the rules and they have a great record at the Britannia. They are not the most technically gifted of sides and definitely not the easiest on the eye, but they do score some wonder goals: Walters and Jerome a few weeks ago spring to mind and let's not forget Crouchy's goal against Man City!!!! Under TP there is a real appreciation of the team and strong emphasis on the collective unit as opposed to individuals. Asmir Begovic is a top goalkeeper and you can see why he continues to be linked with top sides.

Cam's eyes when he watches Stoke play. He's not the only one.

Bappo: Yawn. I don't care about Stoke, I really don't. They're one of the few teams I wouldn't mind seeing go down. And, whilst it was impressive getting promoted, staying up and playing like s**t whilst paying over the top money for ridiculously atrocious players is not ovearchieving. It should be entertaining, but it really isn't. And TP is a bit of a c**t. I hated his press conference after the Walters own goals: "This club takes care of its football players, Jonathan knows it's a family here, bla bla bla." We get it Tony, you support your player. No need for this patronising false modesty. It's embarrassing.
I have to say I'm impressed by Begovic. He's the only player I would take from that team. However, I can't stand Ryan Shawcross; over-rated, slow, stupid and a danger to society along with Robert Huth.

6- Arsenal are in turmoil, Liverpool are looking up but usually fail against bigger teams. Where will the game be won, and who holds the keys for each team?

Westy: Still Arsenal for me. They showed against West Ham that they can turn on the style when they want it, it's just their tendency to wave the white flag that's costing them. Still, they have got rid of Chamakh...surely the only way is up? As for Liverpool, they look great at home, but spineless away. The addition of Sturridge is interesting as to whether it frees up Suarez or steals his space. I do really hope Arsène adds some quality though, it's not (that) funny anymore.

Cam: Arsenal have got an awful lot to prove to their fans and need to start winning if Wenger wants to keep his job and his promise of delivering Champions League football year in year out. Although Liverpool continue to improve under Rodgers, Arsenal have enough to hurt them. Rodgers has been somewhat distracted this week as well, attending court in support of his son (Brighton player Anton Rodgers) who is charged with sexual assault and voyeurism: ironically, something which Mourinho accused Wenger of a few years ago!
Think Arsenal will edge it; the midfield battle will be key and Suarez running at Mertesacker is a complete mismatch!

Bappo: I think I've changed my stance on Arsenal about 74 times this season. I believe I've finally made my mind up now: they're going nowhere. Just no direction at this club. The game should be won in midfield, but not one player for each team likes to put in a tackle. So I'll say it's down to Per and Vermaelen, and whether they can stop Suarez and Sturridge.

This could be Mertesacker's reaction this week if he doesn't take care of Suarez.

7- Fulham host West Ham at Craven Cottage next week. Which London club will finish higher up the table, and why?

Westy: West Ham. They're more effective and Sam's a very pragmatic manager. Also, they've signed 4 strikers this window - also known as 'doing a QPR'. How could it possibly backfire?

Cam: Fulham are the stronger team but Big Sam has to be credited for West Ham's solid start to the season, particularly when you consider that they came up through the play-offs last season and have already had more than their fair share of injuries.

Bappo: West Ham will finish higher because they've got more depth. They've brought a lot of players to the club, and people like Alou Diarra and Jack Collison don't get a start. Compare that to Fulham, where the heartbeat of the midfield is Giorgios 'I can't believe I won Euro 2004' Karagounis. He's 35. And Berbatov is no use if you can't get the ball to him. He could play in midfield but he shouldn't really. He's meant to be scoring goals, not tracking back (not that he knows how to do that!). The problem with 'Keep calm and pass me the ball' is the 'pass me the ball' part. It just ain't happening.

The man on the left knows what he's doing. Not sure that's the case for Ricardo Vaz Te.

8- Newcastle are 'doing an Arsenal' and buying young, hungry French players. If you have to look back at French players in the Premier League, who was the best, and who was the worst?

Westy: Best can only be Thierry Henry. Epitomised a club and is arguably the best player to ever grace the Premier League.
            Worst? Stéphane Guivarc'h. Aside from having a name containing the world's most stupid apostrophe, he was an abysmal footballer. Newcastle thought they were buying a World Cup winner who had just scored 40+ goals in his last two season in Ligue 1. What they got was a waste of £3.5m. A close runner-up has to be Fulham's Steve Marlet

Thierry Henry: the best ever.

Cam: Best: Henry, Cantona, Ginola, Pires Makelele, Vieira, Petit, Leboeuf, Desailly. Best of the best: Henry (and Cantona).
Worst: Bruno Cheyrou - always doomed to fail when Gerard Houllier labelled him the 'new Zidane'! Also at £12m Steve Marlet was so disappointing and over priced that Al Fayed believed he had been defrauded by then manager Jean Tigana and consequently sued him!

Bappo: The very best was Thierry Henry, closely followed by Patrick Vieira. They changed a club, its culture and were the world's best. Cantona was great but he wasn't as good as advertised. He was a winner though.
Worst? Oh boy, where to start? I have a soft spot for Jean-Alain Boumsong and Steve Marlet. Both cost a lot of money, were internationals and, more importantly, were utter sh*te. Bernard Diomède also did a wonderful disappearing act. More recently, I'd like to congratulate Gabriel Obertan and David N'Gog for the outstanding job they've been doing at their respective clubs.

Steve Marlet: he's made it into everyone's list. That's not necessarily a compliment.

9- Everton and West Brom have both slowed down lately. Who, in your mind, has done a better job this season: David Moyes or Steve Clarke?

Westy: David Moyes gets this simply because he always does an amazing job. The signing of Leroy Fer looks another astute piece of business, and he deserves credit for his condemnation of Marounae Fellaini's antics against Stoke. Not that he could have really denied it... Then again, a certain silver-haired Frenchie has been known to forget to watch his matches on the odd occasion something bad happens. Probably mulling voer the Arshavin question...



Cam: Moyesy.

Bappo: Steve Clarke, if only because we've known for a while how special Moyesy is. And it's not easy to move from number 2 to number 1, especially at a club like West Brom which has just recently consolidated its place in the Premier League. So kudos to Steve. But they've both done outstanding work really.

10- Now that Tottenham are safely in the top 4, has your view of AVB changed from his time at Chelsea?

Westy: Not really. He was never given a fair chance at the Bridge, and a lot of the problems Rafa is facing are still because of the old guard, repeatedly told they were special by José, haven't been broken up and still believe in their own hype. He was told he was the man to reinvent the club, give them a new image, and then was sacked because that was what he was trying to do. Spurs, on the other hand, are looking better and better and making some sensible signings (Lewis Holtby for one). Good on them.

Cam: He definitely hasn't done his reputation any harm and appears to be doing a good job at Tottenham. He is undoubtedly a talented young manager and appears to have learnt a lot from his (albeit short) time at Chelsea. Still think he's deluded though in his comments that Chelsea would have won the Champions League last year with him as manager. Unbelievable Jeff!

Bappo: It hasn't changed, simply because I never thought AVB was bad. Sure, he likes a clipboard, can think for himself and loves business talk, but he was back-stabbed by Terry, Drogba, Lampard & co at Chelsea when he was simply speeding up the process currently undertaken at 'the Champions of Europe' (I just threw up). He's bought well, he's innovative and he's brave. Sounds like Mourinho really. Okay, he's not that good, and he's certainly not as crazy. But he's on the way.

AVB: happier times at Spurs.

LAS PREDICTIONES DE LA SEMANA

QPR vs Manchester City
Cam (1-3), Bappo (0-3), Chaka Demus (1-2), Westy (0-2)


Sunderland vs Swansea
Cam (2-2), Bappo (2-1), Chaka Demus (0-2), Westy (2-1)


Stoke vs Wigan
Cam (2-0), Bappo (1-1), Chaka Demus (2-1), Westy (1-1)


Aston Villa vs Newcastle
Cam (2-1), Bappo (0-2), Chaka Demus (0-0), Westy (0-1)


Norwich vs Tottenham
Cam (1-2), Bappo (0-2), Chaka Demus (1-3), Westy (1-2)


Everton vs West Brom
Cam (2-1), Bappo (1-1), Chaka Demus (1-1), Westy (2-1)


Arsenal vs Liverpool
Cam (2-1), Bappo (2-2), Chaka Demus (3-3) Westy (3-1)


Manchester Utd vs Southampton
Cam (3-1), Bappo (3-1), Chaka Demus (3-1), Westy (4-0)


Reading vs Chelsea
Cam (1-2), Bappo (0-2), Chaka Demus (1-3), Westy (6-3)


Fulham vs West Ham
Cam (2-1), Bappo (1-2), Chaka Demus (0-2), Westy (7-4)

It worked for Arsenal, so why shouldn't it for Newcastle? That seems to be the thinking for Alan Pardew and Graham Carr (Alan's dad) at the Sports Direct Arena (perversely I love typing that). There are now 10 French players in Geordie-land, which is a number even Arsène Wenger would find impressive.

Bonjour! Bienvenue à Nouveau Château:!

After all, if my maths are about right, here is what Newcastle have bought with just over €20m: five French players, but more importantly three internationals and one U-21 player. Now, when you look at the prices quoted for Wilfried Zaha, and the fact he's reportedly gone to Man Utd for £15m after scoring a grand total of 12 goals in 109 league games (also known as the 'Di Santo scoring rate'), you'll understand that Newcastle have done some good deals.

He's worth 7 Debuchys apparently. Good one.

Did I also mention that these five players cost much less than what Liverpool paid for Carroll? Or just about what they paid for Downing or Henderson? I guess I hadn't. Well here it is: Carroll freaking cost £35m. And you wonder if Newcastle know how to make good deals. Yawn. It's not like Shearer and/or Wise are running the club here. Serious people are at the club now. Even though Mike Ashley is still there. Great businessman, great belly. But I've got a feeling I'm getting carried away here, and that's not really the point of the article.

So Newcastle are only buying French players now. They're losing their Geordiness. I can hear people and the British press crying about it. I'll politely ask them to shut up.

People always question foreign players' loyalties. "They don't speak the language", or "they don't understand the local culture".

So let me set the record straight. Yes it's embarrassing when people move somewhere and still can't speak the language, especially when it's one as easy and universal as English. And yes, I'm thinking of people like Carlos Tevez, who apparently doesn't know what a 'constabulary' is, and probably doesn't know how to spell 'football'. But, in his case, I'm not sure he knows how to spell 'futebol' either. Just saying.



But yes it's embarrassing when football players join a club and still can't speak the local language. As embarrassing as, say, David Beckham naming his son Cruz when that's only a girl's name in Spain? Kudos for learning about the culture. And don't get me started on his Spanish. Apart from "dos tapas, por favor" and "gracias", I'm not sure Goldenballs knew anything about anything when he was at Real Madrid.

And perhaps English football fans should take a look more at themselves and their own players. There have been no successful British exports since Becks and Owen. That was a while ago and both stayed a short time. You're telling me Jermaine Pennant did ok at Zaragoza? I don't think they'd agree with you. Same for Chris Coleman at Sociedad. Oh boy.

"Can I go crossar the ballon on la derecha and try to score un gol por favor?"

And, call me harsh, but when you see English people abroad, then perhaps they don't have so much of a right to complain about foreign players struggling to adapt. You look at English people's inability to even try to learn the local language, even after years of living there. It's embarrassing.

I'm French, and my compatriots' accent can be a bit annoying, even though it has its advantages. Even listening to Wenger even though he's been here for 15 years can be a bit painful sometimes. But, having been back to France a number of times, I can tell you Olivier Giroud's slight accent is nothing compared to the embarrassment of English people who have lived in the South of France for years turning up to a boulangerie and going "Bonnejour, two baguettes please!". Horrendous. So that's that.

Secondly, let's stop talking about loyalties in football, especially when it comes to nationalities. Of course there are good chances a French player might not have the biggest affinity with Geordies when he comes to Newcastle. But neither does a Londoner, a Manc or a Scouse. Honestly.

So there we go. I had to make this point when hearing the criticism aimed at Newcastle and Alan Pardew. Wake up people, it's 2013. There are no more frontiers in football.

And now we'll have a look at the actual players Newcastle bought, and what they should be able to bring to a club seriously struggling at the moment.

MATHIEU DEBUCHY (£4.7m from Lille)

I've been on record before as saying this was one hell of a deal by Newcastle, potentially one of the best of the transfer window. Seriously.

Do you remember the right-back who tore Young and Cole apart at Euro 2012 for France? That was Debuchy. Do you like your right-back to be a good defender and a good attacking player? That's Debuchy.

Oh, and did I mention he's only 27 but has played more than 250 games for Lille? I guess I hadn't. Did I also mention that he comes from the same club as Cabaye? If I was a Newcastle fan I'd be giddy about this signing.

Debuchy: expect the same impact as Cabaye from the right-back spot. A great signing.

Sure, buying a right back for less than £5m isn't that exciting. Except when that player only cost £5m, is in the prime of his career and is (at least) of the same level as Glen Johnson. And he's a winner: he was an integral part of Lille's 2011 title run. He's certainly more of a winner than Mike Williamson or Danny Simpson. That's right, Geordies. It's time to get excited. You just bought yourself an international class right back for peanuts. Kudos.


MAPOU YANGA-MBIWA (€8m from Montpellier)
The most expensive player of the bunch, but maybe the one with the most upside and potential. Mapou (great name) became a regular for Montpellier when he turned 18, and learned his trade by playing everywhere across the back before finally settling in central defence by the time Montpellier found its way back into the top flight in 2009. Even more impressively, Mapou never lost his place in the team despipte the step up in the quality of the opposition.

Even though he's not necessarily the biggest for his position, Yanga-Mbiwa is quick, strong and very good in the air. He marshalled the Montpellier defence like a veteran last year, leading the club to its first Ligue 1 title and overcoming the odds largely in pre-Zlatan's PSG's favour.

With 186 league games for Montpellier under his belt, Champions League experience and already 3 caps in Didier Deschamps's new France squad, Yanga-Mbiwa is already experienced, even though he has sometimes shown lapses of concentration. But, still only 23, he also is clearly one for the future. A potential future (lesser) Marcel Desailly. That's how impressive the boy is. He was wanted by AC Milan at the end of last season. At €8m, he could be another steal. He's definitely not that risky a signing.

Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa: great name, potentially great signing.

Oh, and you'll love Alan Shearer and other 'pundits' trying to pronouce his name. If Merson can't pronounce Pogrebnyak correctly, what's he gonna do with Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa?

And if he fails? Well, he'll turn into another Jean-Alain Boumsong. And we all know that's entertaining.


YOAN GOUFFRAN (€2.5m from Bordeaux)
I'm a bit more sceptical about that one to be honest. There was a time when Yoan Gouffran was really highly rated in France. He was 20 and scoring for fun in Ligue 2 for Caen. He was also versatile as he could play down the wing if needs be. And Caen was (and is) always known as a good football school in France, so a lot of people were interested in his development.

This was even more so when Laurent Blanc's Bordeaux took Gouffran out of Caen. And then they stuck him on the wing. And he was god awful. Truly. As in 9 goals in his first 3 seasons. That included one season with 5. You do the maths for the other seasons. Shocking.

And then he made his way back into a central striker role. And he began doing ok. And, with 22 goals in 54 Ligue 1 matches since the start of the 2011/2012 season, he became respectable. Still not a great player in my book, and he's now 26 so I'm not sure if his career will really reach the heights some predicted in France for him.

But €2.5m means it's a small, risk-free investment. Low expectations but maybe big rewards is the way he seems to have been viewed by Newcastle. It could well work. Otherwise he'll fail and leave back for France, and Newcastle will have taken a minor hit. Win win.

Gouffran: low risk buy. Judging from his choice of coat, he might adapt to Newcastle relatively quickly.

MOUSSA SISSOKO (€2.5m from Toulouse)
The really tantalising one in the group. Still only 23, Moussa has accumulated over 183 Ligue 1 games for Toulouse since making his debut in 2007. As an all-action midfielder, he has the potential to become a Vieira-lite, or at least a better version than Abou Diaby.

Sure, he could score more goals (only 19 in Ligue 1) but he has proven himself at a high level and already has 5 caps for France. I'd even say his lack of goals is due to Alain Casanova's relatively conservative tactics at Toulouse, where the emphasis was always placed on the team maintaining a good, solid unit. In the wilderness that is the Premier League, with its laughable defences and wayward tactics, Sissoko could run riot.

Once again, let me emphasise how much of a steal he could prove to be at €2.5m. We're talking about a 23 year old international box to box midfielder. For €2.5m! Scary.

Sissoko: scary good signing. A typical box to box midfielder.

MASSADIO HAIDARA (€3.5m from Nancy)
He's perhaps the biggest gamble of the group. Still only 20 (since December!), Massadio has already played 46 Ligue 1 games since his debut at the age of 17 for Nancy. He's also got two U-21 caps.

So he's clearly one for the future. Quick, strong and loves to counter-attack, but the boy still lacks experience on how to be a top defender. He'll have his growing pains but he could be a steal, and he'll definitely provide a decent back-up to Davide Santon, who's showing signs of weariness. The boy is quite a physical speciment and loves to go up and down the left hand side.

Perhaps as importantly, Massadio knows what a relegation dogfight is. He did his apprenticeship at AS Nancy Lorraine which is the French equivalent of a relegation-bound Stoke. I just shivered typing that.

Haïdara will be fun, he might be comical at times, but he'll also have good games. He's one with the following seasons in mind, and at €3.5m he's another snip really.

Leaving French Stoke to go to Newcastle.

Having been to a football match in Ghana a few years back, I can honestly tell you it felt like a different universe. Joining the throngs of avid football fans at the beautiful Baba Yara Stadium in Kumasi for a CAN qualifier, I had been advised to come early. Setting out with two Ghanaian friends and a fellow English volunteer, we arrived two hours before kick-off. There was no empty stand like you see at Wembley when none of the execs have arrived or are too busy talking business, or when casual football fans are too busy downing their 7th pre-game pint. The stadium was packed. We're talking about 40,000 fans inside the stadium two hours prior to kick-off. And all of them singing, dancing, and just having a good time. It was glorious.


Pandemonium broke out when the teams entered the pitch. For your info, it was a game against one of the Congos (I think DRC), and Ghana eventually won 3-1. The match included a superb goal by Agyemang Badu and howlers from Richard Kingson (I'm tempted to put 'customary' in front of 'howler' when talking about Kingson) and a striker named Prince Tagoe who, according to my Ghanaian friend, was 'world-class' yet plays for Ettifaq on loan from Bursaspor and managed to miss an open goal. I kid you not.

There is a fervour and passion which only African football possesses. If you thought the sound of vuvuzelas was annoying during the 2010 World Cup, you learn to appreciate them live. Of course some of the football you see is actually laughable (I went to see a Ghanaian Premier League match. Wow) but it's an incredible atmosphere and experience.

The view inside the stand. Notice the superb dress sense. Wonderful.

Looking back on this time, and whilst watching South Africa vs Cape Verde at the 2013 CAN on Europsort (I know, I've got too much time), I thought of all the great African players who had graced Premier League pitches. It's funny because there haven't actually been too many African players in England. They have tended to start in France, probably because of the historical link between a large part of Africa and metropolitan France. And yet the few who have come have always brought a smile to our faces.

And that is perhaps the beauty of African football and its exports: you just can't stay indifferent. I could have done a list of laughable African products who ended up on our shores. Let me just give you three quick names: Ade Akinbyi, Aruna 'Zinedine' Dindane and Benjani Mwaruwari. It is in the latter's honour that I give you the Top 10 African Premier League footballers.

1. DIDIER DROGBA

The greatest ever. Even that is easy to admit. And that's even though Drogba was a maddening diver to start with, and he played for Chelsea. If that's not enough for me to dislike him, then I don't know what is. And yet Didier was incredible.

Combining unprecedented physical strength with pace and a superb touch, Drogba torched defenders for more than eight years, often bullying such fearless players as Vidic and Carragher. And that was just in the Premier League. Drogba gave constant nightmares to defenders across Europe, even Barcelona's Puyol, who had nothing to envy the Ivorian in terms of brute strength.

Drogba: simply the best.

Didier Drogba didn't just leave a massive imprint on his club. He left a legacy. If that's not a sign of greatness, I don't know what is.

2. LUCAS RADEBE

The precursor and bravest of them all. Radebe joined Leeds in 1994, at a time when South Africa had finally achieved the end of the apartheid. Lucas, like so many black footballers in his home country, had suffered from the racist policies in place. He had, however, managed to represent his country and to carve out a promising career as a central defender for the wonderfully named Kaiser Chiefs. Well, let's just say he'd settled in defence after trying out as a central midfielder and goalkeeper.

So Radebe joined Leeds in 1994, as an afterthought in a deal for another South African player. He never left the club and became a legend. As a solid leader from the back, he had the honour of  becoming Leeds's captain and famously rejected approaches from Man Utd and a host of other clubs. Radebe was class both on and off the pitch; he won the FIFA Fair Play Award in 2000. And he stayed at Leeds even though the club was collapsing.

When he retired, 37,000 came to his testimonial. That's nearly a sold-out Elland Road. A wonderful player and all around good guy. You know the man is special when Nelson Mandela calls him his hero.

Radebe: arrived as a nobody, left as a legend.

3. NWANKWO KANU

Aaaaah Nwankwo. There was always going to be a (man)love affair between you and I. Maybe it was because you had survived a serious heart scare at Inter Milan in your youth. Maybe it was because you had come through the ranks at Ajax. Or maybe it was because you had some of the silkiest feet in the world.

Kanu was never prolific. He could do everything, so he wasn't too focused on scoring. But boy could he score goals. Never from outside the box, mind you . Nwankwo also never ran. He knew he wasn't quick enough anyway, and deep down, I think he just couldn't really be bothered with it all. But his brain was fast, and he always knew where to be.

So how did he do in England? Well he did just fine, thank you very much. He was an integral part of an incredible Arsenal side, even though he used to come off the bench quite a lot. That didn't stop him scoring nearly 50 goals in the Premier League for the Gunners. He also had some phenomenal performances, such as when he tore Chelsea apart and led the way to a furious fight-back from 2-0 down at Stamford Bridge. And when he left, he was voted Arsenal 13th greatest ever Gunner. Not too bad.

Of course his time at West Brom wasn't as glorious. He did THAT miss which we all remember vividly. But then Nwankwo found his calling at Portsmouth. Along with several players close to the end of their careers, and under Harry Redknapp's stewardship, Kanu wrote History when he scored the winning goal in the 2008 FA Cup final.

It did end rather badly at Portsmouth when Kanu left without agreeing a pay cut and threatening to sue the club in 2012. But that was his right, and he wasn't the only one in that situation (Tal Ben Haim anyone?).  And I can guess he'll still be remembered fondly by Arsenal and Portsmouth fans.

Kanu: dodgy head wear aside, an huge success.

4. JAY-JAY OKOCHA

So good they named him twice. Jay-Jay set the world alight at the 98 World Cup with Nigeria. His trickery, his flamboyance and his unashamed lack of desire in tracking back made us all fall in platonic manlove with him then. But the he lost his way at PSG where he spent four forgetful years in what should have been the prime of his career. And then, out of the blue, he joined Bolton Wanderers in 2002.

"You wanted flair?" asked Big Sam? Well we got flair all right. Jay-Jay was just incredible, with outrageous goals and step overs galore. These were glorious times to be a Bolton fan (which I wasn't) and it was always impressive to watch Jay-Jay play. Let's forget his time at Hull and simply remember the good times.

I should say something witty about this photo but I just can't.

5. MICHAEL ESSIEN

Essien was just a beast. At his peak, he was a member of one of Europe's most terrifying midfields. Michael was capable of anything; he could play as a defensive-minded holding midfielder, a marauding right-back, a competent centre-back or a jack of all trades central midfielder. And he was close to world class in all these roles. The man also never scored easy goals, we were always due a cracking strike every year. Honestly, there's not much more to say than that. the man was just incredible  and was Chelsea's heartbeat during the Mourinho years and before his damaging injuries. A complete player.




6. YAYA TOURE

Wow, and I thought Michael Essien was an absolute beast. Yaya Touré has only been in England two and a half years, but he's had a major impact. He was the first marquee signing of the Mancini era, joining from Barcelona where he had won the Champions League and countless other titles. A holding midfielder in Spain, the massive Ivorian decided he'd try his hand at the 'trequartista' role in England. But we'd never seen a number 10 like him. He just bulldozed his way through, and had a tendency to turn up in the biggest games.

Yaya played a major role in Man City's capture of the FA Cup in Mancini's first season, scoring the winning goals in the semi-final and final. But he was even more influential in last season's title challenge.
With 6 goals from a more withdrawn position, Touré often took control of games, such as when he scored two late goals to beat Newcastle towards the tail end of the season, in a vital game for the title. Just a massive powerhouse and probably Man City's most important player with Vincent Kompany. A truly class act who brought a winning mentality to a club which had none.

The typical Touré photo: leaving someone trailing in his wake.

7. MUSTAPHA HADJI

How dare you forget about Mustapha Hadji? The Moroccan was an important and popular figure at an overachieving Coventry in the early 2000's. After scoring a wonder goal at the World Cup 98, Mustapha left sunny Deportivo La Coruna to join the Sky Blues. Whilst there, he only proceeded in scoring spectacular goals whilst being the main creative force for an attacking and enthusiastic side. And he wore a glorious ponytail. What's not to like about that? A very underrated, flamboyant player.



8. TONY YEBOAH

Tony Yeboah's time in England was brief but he had a massive impact. He was only there for just over two season (actually not that brief). What he did manage to do during that time was score bucket-loads of goal. Do I need to mention his special one? You bet I do. I'm even going to add the video. Just for kicks.

33 goals in 62 appearances for Leeds should have made him a cult hero. It did, but boring George Graham, aka 90's Alex McLeish, turned up and didn't see eye to eye with Tony. I'm guessing it had something to do with work rate and defensive work.

Tony was like Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink: he shot on sight, didn't care for helping his team out in any other situations than an attacking one, and was just obsessed with goal.

What a hero. What a man. Tony Yeboah.



9. KOLO TOURE

Don't laugh. I know he's become a figure of ridicule, what with testing positive for weight loss pills, or posing as a car salesman and having an affair (yes it's the Mirror, but it's worth a 'read': http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/kolo-toure-had-affair-with-student-by-pretending-1455570).

But Kolo Touré was still one half of one of Premier League History's best team's defence (did you follow?). After all, with Sol Campbell, and sometimes Pascal Cygan (laughs all round), Kolo was an undisputed started for the Invincibles, even though he had been converted from a wing-back or holding midfielder to centre back. That's quite an achievement.

Sure he's fallen by the wayside a little bit since then, and can't really be taken too seriously. But you can't deny his time at Arsenal was impressive by any standards.

Kolo: a bit of a joke now, but was incredible at Arsenal.

10. LAUREN

An unsung hero, Lauren gave Arsenal six years of his careers, and was an ever-present in the subsequent Arsenal side. He was Arsène's first-choice right back throughout the Invincibles's 2003-2004 season and was only ever left out due to injuries.

Quick, strong, clever, Lauren was a bit of an atypical wing back in that he rarely bombed forward or delivered a telling cross. He was the perfect right back for Arsenal, and provided a sturdy and feisty presence down the right hand side.

His consistency and underrated role in Arsenal's success surely outweigh his move to Portsmouth where he was blighted with injuries and didn't play as big a role as he would have liked. A hard-working player who deserved his success.

Lauren: we tend to forget he was an important player for Arsenal. Underrated.

A little light-hearted feature, this time of superb volleys by French players or players who played in France. We hope you enjoy it.


Francis Llacer (PSG)

We're starting with Caen-PSG 1994, and a wonder goal by Francis Llacer. How can I describe Francis Llacer? God only knows how he managed to play for PSG for so many years (1989-1999). The man was a distinctly average full-back in a very good side which possessed players like Leonardo, Rai, Valdo and others. Somehow he managed to carve out a niche as a tenacious, solid defender with no particular skill. He only managed to score 4 goals for the club, but none was more beautiful than this one. If you want a comparison, think of it as David May playing right-back and scoring a peach of a volley. Now you get me.

Mustapha Durak (Niort)

Who the hell is Mustapha Durak? He's a slightly small striker playing for Niort in Ligue 2. More importantly, he scored an absolute cracker reminiscent of Matty Taylor's incredible volley for Portsmouth a few years back. Except it's better.

John Arne Riise (AS Monaco)

Before joining Liverpool in 2001, John Arne Riise was playing in central midfield for a very good AS Monaco side. I know, centre midfield! Insane. But at least that gave him the opportunity to have a crack at goal even more often than if he had been playing left-back. Which gave us this. Superb.

Remi Mareval (FC Nantes)

At one point Rémi Maréval didn't have a club. He played for the 'Jobless Team' which the French FA puts together every summer to play friendlies against other teams in the hope of finding these players a team. He was spotted by FC Nantes and joined them when they were in Ligue 2. He was a constant presence at left back in their promotion season, kept his role in Ligue 1 and produced....this. OK it's technically not a volley, but I had to put it in there. Absolutely gorgeous.

Fun fact: Rémi Maréval once played for Oldham, in 2004. They could have done with a goal like that.

Youri Djorkaeff (Inter Milan)

We all remember Youri Djorkaeff. World Cup and European Cup winner for France. Played for Monaco, PSG, Inter and, eum, Kaiserslautern and Bolton. He didn't score this goal when he played in France, but he is French and the link is tenuous but it will hold. Hope you like this one.

It's been a crazy last year for Harry Redknapp. In early 2012, QPR's manager was facing a battle on all fronts. He was summoned to court for suspected tax evasion, was guiding Tottenham towards what seemed like a genuine title challenge in about 74 years, and he was the favourite to succeed Fabio Capello as England manager when the Italian was meant to leave after Euro 2012.

After a 13-day trial in which revelations were made about Redknapp's bank account in Monaco under his dog Rosie's name, 'of which he had no prior knowledge', 'Arry, as he is well known by the press, was deemed to be not guilty of tax evasion. He was no Jimmy Carr after all.

The one on the left didn't tell 'Arry she had a bank account in Monaco. What a bitch. Pun intended.

Not only that, but the FA had just sacked Capello. It seemed like a match made in heaven: Redknapp free to manage, and the FA seemingly desperate for an old wise head to lead the national team to 'glory' (aka a quarter-final penalty shoot-out defeat) at Euro 2012.

'Arry was ready; he kept telling us about the great work he was doing at Tottenham with lines like 'this club was heading nowhere a few years ago' and 'I'm trying to change mentalities and turn us into winners', or the classic 'we got to the Champions' League and beat Inter' story. These were all true but Redknapp was a master of PR. It helped that there appeared to be no other serious contenders and that the press was united as one in declaring him the most fit candidate for the job. Even though Roy Hodgson already had an impressive international record. And even though no one really wanted Redknapp as England manager.

For, you see, 'Arry is a master of PR. He really is. For years he told us he had never managed a big club and deserved the chance. Tell that to all the lower leagues managers out there Harry, who battle with dwindling resources and awful football infrastructures.

For years he had told us how he had overachieved. Take his 7th place with West Ham. What an achievement that was, eh? It must have been sooooo difficult winning games with players like Ferdinand,  Lampard, Joe Cole, Carrick, Kanouté and Di Canio to name a few. And it's not like Glenn Roeder managed exactly the same feat at the club with a lesser team. Oh he did, did he? My bad.

It must have been incredibly difficult having a good team with such average players Harry.

Of course I'm biased. After all, Roeder (ater a serious health scare) did his part in taking West Ham down to the Championship. But Harry had always told us what he had achieved was unthinkable.

Portsmouth was somewhere else where he had 'overachieved'. I'll admit that taking that club, even with Mandaric's millions at his disposal, was quite an achievement. Especially with a drunk Paul Merson in the team. But when I compare it to, say, Phil Brown getting Hull promoted and staying up, or even Swansea going up and playing their way to safety, was it such a remarkable achievement unequalled in football history? I'm not too sure. And yet that's what Redknapp made us think.

Now let me go on a little side note. Since his sacking in 2002 from the Leeds job, David O'Leary has struggled to find a job, apart from a semi-satisfactory time at Aston Villa. Despite producing young players and reaching a Champions' League semi-final with Leeds, O'Leary has been forever associated with his old club's financial troubles and fall from grace. It has been a permanent stain on his reputation, even though Peter Ridsdale was admittedly the biggest culprit, as was the Leeds board who approved all the decisions of the club before its financial collapse.

O'Leary: lacking in the PR department, now without a job. What could have happened to Redknapp after Portsmouth.

It's with this story in mind that I paint you Harry Redknapp as an unbelievable story-spinner. For, at Portsmouth, he created History. With a big H. He did win the FA Cup after all. Forget the fact that he betrayed that team to join Southampton, where he admirably failed. Forget the fact that he spent huge amounts of money on top players like Campbell, Distin, Kranjcar, Diarra, and even big money on lesser players like Mwaruwari (love you Benjani!) and Zinedine Dindane.

But let's not forget the impact this had on the club. Sure, they won the FA Cup and it was a nice day out for everyone associated with Portsmouth. I hope they enjoy it now they're in League One, releasing all their senior players, and doing their utmost to save the club. This situation is a direct result of the Redknapp years. Of course he wasn't the only one (hello Alain Perrin, Avram Grant & co!), but he was the main instigator, along with the usual 'financial directors' at the club. His overspending led to Portsmouth's collapse. They were already in financial trouble in the Prem. They're borderline dead now.

The FA Cup win with Pompey. An 'incredible achievement', according to 'Arry. And yet here is the final's line-up: James-Johnson-Campbell-Distin-Hreidarsson-Diarra-Bouba Diop-Muntari-Kranjcar-Utaka-Kanu. An FA Cup win was easily achievable with that team.

And yet Harry keeps on going, free as a bird from all the criticism which has been, rightly or unjustly (you decide), aimed at David O'Leary for his role in Leeds's collapse.

Of course it helps that your son is a 'pundit' for the main Premier League broadcaster. In business terms, that's a conflict of interest. Just saying.

Of course it helps that you're chummy and seem like a nice guy. It helps that you candy-coat everything you do with the journalists, and even display a sense of humour about things.



Redknapp is a self-publicist, and it's worked wonders for him. He possesses surprising selective memory which always turns to his advantage. His time at Tottenham was successful, there's no denying it.

And yet it didn't help him get the England job. How is that?

Perhaps it's due to the fact that Redknapp has never shown any tactical sense. I do believe he is a very good manager: he is surely one of the Premier League's great motivators. But tactical nous he does not possess.

Otherwise how do you explain even simple things like playing Luka Modric down the wing during the first year of Redknapp's term there? Croatia had been playing the little magician in the middle, where he had displayed superb skill in dismantling England in qualifying for Euro 2008.

"Luka, you'll play down the wing, because you're not ready for centre midfield".

Same thing for Gareth Bale. Seemingly on his way out as a rubbish left-back until injuries and circumstances led to him being played down the left wing, where he was an obvious fit.

And, apart from an attacking 4-4-2, Tottenham were rarely adapting to other teams. This was probably due to Redknapp's gung-ho and brave approach. Or maybe it was due to a lack of tactical imagination and flexibility. Unsurprisingly, such tactical know-how is an important factor in international football. And it was probably Redknapp's undoing, at the detriment of his undoubted patriotism and motivational aptitudes.

And then 'Arry was sacked, released from the Tottenham job. It was unfair and rather abrupt. It was a cold reaction to Tottenham achieving unprecedented success in consecutive years. Redknapp was quick to tell us so, and settled in a job as a 'pundit', where his analysis consisted of telling us which player was 'good', which one he had thought of signing, and of singing his own praises whenever Tottenham were playing.

And then the QPR job kept calling. It was another job in the Premier League, it was in London, and money was available to sign players. And, perhaps most importantly, it was a win-win situation for 'Arry.

Redknapp quickly got down to business. Within weeks of arriving, and despite playing ultra-negative football, there he was telling us that the team he had inherited was rubbish. Of course it was, we all knew it (well, except for Mark Hughes). It was going to be a miracle to keep them up. Read the message: if QPR stays up, Redknapp is a genius. If they go down? Well, it's not his fault if the club was a shambles when he got there.

They're thinking exactly the same thing: "if QPR go down, I'm getting out of there asap".

Once again, Redknapp has set about managing with a quiet disregard for the health of the club. He has called for signings to help the club stay up, even when they cost £8m and are on £80k a week, which the club can barely afford. Of course it's a Catch-22; if QPR don't invest then the club is going down. Even though I'd wager that someone like Neil Warnock could keep that troop of misfits in the Prem. Or that 'Arry could do it without new arrivals. And talks of Nico Kranjcar joining QPR will keep coming in the next few weeks.

This short-term attitude and strategy is strangely reminiscent of Portsmouth's situation. There are great fears, to which the vain Tony Fernandes is immune to, that QPR, were they to go down, would do a Leeds/Bradford/Pompey (take your pick). Redknapp is managing with the tools he's given, but it is worrying that his stewardship could lead another club down the pan. Once again, he wouldn't be the main culprit (Fernandes would be), but he would finally have to assume some responsibility, something which he has never done regarding Portsmouth.

But don't worry for 'Arry: the man is a wily old fox and will find a new club, even if QPR go down. I for one, despite my criticisms, am glad he's back in the Premier League. But it was time to set the record straight. Redknapp is an attractive proposition: he's funny, hard-working, down to earth and a straight talker. It's just a shame that these facets never appear when considering his achievements. I'm sure David O'Leary would agree, now that he's out of a job after wandering in the managerial wilderness.