Wally with a Brolly

Ho-ho-ho! No, that's not what Wayne Bridge leaves as a message on his ex's voicemail. It's just that, now that Christmas has just passed, we at Wally continue our regular Round Table with a review of 2012, and we look briefly at what 2013 has in store for us.

1- What would be your one football wish for 2013?

Westy: Arsene Wenger to actually see something he didn't want to.

Chaka Demus: This is going to be a fairly obvious one but I would wish for Palace to finish in the Top 2 and be promoted to the Prem. I can't take play-offs again. Although Holloway does seem to thrive in them. Autmoatic promotion would be appreciated. Please boys!

Crystal Palce: heading to the Premier League? That's what Chaka Demus wishes for.

Bappo: A reality check for all the people involved in football. Whether it's the semi-acceptance by all authorities that racially abusing a fellow footballer, or anyone for that matter, is worth only a few matches' ban, or a lesser fine than the one issed for showing your pants, it's shocking that football has become completely detached from real life. A reality check as well for journalists: listen to people rather than follow your own agenda. No one wanted Harry Redknapp as England manager except you, and there is no need to constantly berate and ridicule Roy Hodgson since he's been the most decent England manager for a while. And a reality check in the sense that we should stop the double standards: when an English/British player dives, it's a dive. Just name it so. And when Sir Alex behaves like a spolit child, punish him like one.

2- Looking back at 2012, what was your worst memory of that year?

Westy: United gifting Everton two goals to effectively hand the initiative to City. Then again, having started Jonny Evans the only surprise was that it hadn't happened earlier.

Chaka Demus: The penalty shoot-out against Italy.

Bappo: Chelsea. In everything they did. I don't think I need to add anything to that statement.

Bappo just threw up in his mouth

3- Looking back at 2012, what was your favourite memory of that year?

Westy: Much as I despise Chelsea, it's hard to top that Torres goal in Barcelona.  Then again, it has helped spawn that godawful "We know who we are" chant. A bunch of racists? The most hated team in England? Sycophantic pawns to amega-rich owner with bizarre flights of fancy? I could do this all day...



Chaka Demus: I will have to say all that happened in the aftermath of Fabrice Muamba's heart attack in March. Principally the fact that he survived of course.

It seems that 2012 has seen a resurgence of racism, violence and bigotry in football and that the 'beautiful game' is far from beautiful nowadays. The reaction of the crowd at White Hart Lane on the day, the outpouring of support during his recovery and the reception that he received on his return to both the Reebok and White Hart Lane show that for the most part football fans still have a great deal of humanity, compassion and love the game for the right reasons.


Bappo: The fact that we are reminded, sometimes, that football is a force for good. The reaction to Fabrice Muamba's heart attack and to Tito Vilanova's condition showed us that football fans can be good. Sometimes.

Real Madrid's support for Tito Vilanova: basic but heart-warming. What football can do.

4- Name your 5 players of 2012

Westy: Messi - full stop
            Ronaldo - arguably doing as good a job as Messi given that he's basically tying Real together at times.
            Mario Gotze - is fast becoming Europe's hottest prospect. His partnership with Reus is outstanding at times. Throwing Lewandowski and Blasczykowski into that mix is just unfair.
            Giorgio Chiellini - Juve had an outstanding year, and the big centre back played a huge role in their unbeaten season.
            Robin van Persie - he's finally turning in outstanding performances week after week. Great player.

Chaka Demus: Andrea Pirlo - for his hair, his beard and the fact that he totally dominated during the Euros.
                          Robin van Persie - thankfully he survived Ashley Williams' attempt on his life at the week-end! That really would have spoiled Sir Alex's Christmas RVP was unbelievable for Arsenal and he is unbelievable for Man Utd. Pure class.
                         Sergio Aguero - needs no introduction really. Hard-working, skillful, exciting to watch and capped off one of the greatest Premier League seasons ever with a goal deep in injury time against QPR. Brilliant.
                        Didier Drogba - Chelsea would not have won the FA Cup and Champions League without him. His play-acting aside, he has to be one of the best all-round players the Prem has ever seen.
                        Finally that little Argentinian fella who has scored nearly 100 goals this year...Messi I think his name is. Very tidy little player.

"A very tidy little player" according to Chaka Demus. Understatement of the year.

Bappo: Messi - Just incredible.
             Zlatan - Because not only is he arrogant but he's also the best 'real' striker in the world. He also won the league with AC Milan, scared the s**t out of France and England at the Euros and has been on superb form for PSG. Oh, and that goal.
             Andrea Pirlo - Because he led Juve to a Serie A title and probable Champions League glory (my dark horses). Because he was THE best player at Euro 2012. And because nobody quite combines that beard and hair combo and runs the game without ever running at full speed or actually tackling. An incredible player.
             Robin van Persie - Because, even though I'm not a huge fan of RvP as a person (arrogant, cocky, picks on the little players), he's still a superbly gifted player who scored at a Ronaldo-esque rate in the Premier League.
             Ronaldo - We simply forget how good he is. An awesome player and an actually very decent human being.

Andrea Pirlo: World football's best groomed player. And a decent footballer as well.

 5- Name your best game of 2012

Westy: Reading 5 - 7 Arsenal. Had this on Sky+ intending to watch the highlights, and it turned into the most entertaining game. Shame Reading couldn't quite go all the way and nick it at the end, but Chamakh's lob was a really good way to end it all. Amazing.

Chaka Demus: Man City vs QPR easily. Such drama! Unbelievable, Jeff! The look on Fergie's face when he thought he'd won it only to cut back to the Etihad and hear "AGUEROOOOOOOO!". Let's just say I'm glad that I was a neutral on that day.



Bappo: For pure entertainment, Sweden 4 - 2 England. I not only enjoyed it for Zlatan's absolute demonstration, but also because it finally showed to English fans that there are other things than the Premier League.

6- Name your 5 heroes of 2012

Westy: Javier Hernandez. Sure he isn't playing the whole time, but his contributions are superb and he's keeping United in this season's title race.
            Sergio Aguero. I know, it's a bold call from me, but that goal deserves it. Fair play.
            Messi. He's unreal, and it's no longer premature to call him the best player to ever grace the game. Just on a different level.
            RVP. For having a football kicked at him but living to tell the tale.
            Jack Wilshere. For spending over a year on the touchline to come back and be the only Arsenal player to give a ****.

           FABRICE MUAMBA

Is there really a need for any comment?

Chaka Demus: Roberto Martinez - he is a truly lovely man and he works miracles with the players that he has. Wigan's run of form at the end of last season was remarkable and this year they are playing some very good football but aren't getting the results they deserve. If they go down this year it'll be time for him to go to a better club.
                          Rafa Benitez - purely for the fact he doesn't give a toss what anyone thinks of him and just gets on with the job at hand. Fair play to you Senor.
                         Di Matteo - FA Cup and Champions League when they really should not have won either.             
                         Leon Osman.
                         Chris Hughton.

Bappo: Fabrice Muamba - For being alive and a great inspiration.
            Mark Clattenburg - Not for his refereeing but for his dignity when faced by the calomnious accusations from a group of players who should know something about racism.
             Psy - because I'm hoping that Peter Crouch will do 'Gangnam Style' next time he scores.
             David Luiz - for being who he is. Don't change who you are David.
             Zlatan Ibrahimovic - for being who he is. Don't change who you are Zlatan.
       

7- Name your 5 villains of 2012

Westy: Balotelli. What a clown.
            Joey Barton. See above.
            Arjen Robben/Messi. For missing penalties that could have sent the Champions League to a more worthy* winner (* they've deserved it before, but not this year)
           The Arsenal squad. For letting down your manager and your fans.
           Mark Hughes/Harry Redknapp/Anyone associated with QPR.

Chaka Demus: Joey Barton - I trust this needs no explanation.
                          John Terry - ditto. Him trying to get his hands on the Champions League trophy was a close second to losing to Italy as my worst memory of the past year.
                         Mario Balotelli - for stamping on Scotty Parker. He didn't get sent off and then went on to score the winning penalty.
                         Sergio Busquets - for ongoing diving, cheating and just generally being a disgrace of a human being and footballer.
                         Racist, cretinous, low-life c***s who call themselves football fans who shout and make obscene and offensive gestures towards players, referees and other fans which spoils the name of English football all over the world.

Bappo: Chelsea. Didn't deserve to win the Champions League, captain is a racist c**t they backed all the way, accused a decent man of (ironically?) being a racist, fans are awful, club is run like a joke.
             Stoke - for being who they are. The most soporific team in world football.
             Liverpool - see Chelsea. Daliglish and Suarez are especially at fault for turning a once-proud club into a joke. Suarez would have deserved his own mention but I thought it was nice to put the whole club on trial.
             Tony Fernandes - for screwing up QPR. Never been a fan of the R's but it's especially annoying to see someone with so much business acumen run a club that way.
             Joey Barton - for being who he is. I don't care what your views are on anything Joey. You should be in prison, just like your brother.

Predictable, but he's that much of an idiot. And I'm being polite.

8- Make 3 predictions for 2013

Westy: QPR to go down bitching and blaming everyone but themselves.
            United to sneak the title despite having a far worse squad than City or Chelsea.
            Liverpool's new start striker to get injured within a week.

Chaka Demus: Goal-line technology? Maybe? Or am I being too optimistic because it's Christmas? This is more of a wish than a prediction I guess.
                          Crystal Palace win the Championship and finish 2013 in the top half of the Premier League. Glorious.
                          Phil Brown decides that he likes gardening so much he starts a TVshow with Monty Don.

Wonderful.

Bappo: QPR go down and start a wonderful journey towards bankruptcy and League 2 within the next 5 years.
             Blackburn appoint Shebby Singh as manager with Steve Kean re-appointed as 'football consultant'.
             Owners across the UK panic and hand the likes of Iain Dowie, Phil Brown, Paul Ince, Steve Kean, Roy Keane some type of football-related job at their club.

9- What would be your team of 2012?

Westy:                                                    Buffon

Alves                                Chiellini                                   Kompany                                  Cole

                                        Marchisio                                Toure

Messi                                                        Silva                                                                Ronaldo

                                                               Falcao

Chaka Demus: Everton, I think. Or Cardiff.

Bappo:                                                    Neuer

Lahm                               Kompany                                     Ramos                                   Jordi Alba

                                        Pirlo                                            Toure

Messi                                                       Iniesta                                                               Ronaldo

                                                                Ibrahimovic

10- And finally, what would be your goal of 2012?

Westy: Zlatan against England. Why the **** would you even try that?


Chaka Demus: Sorry Westy, but it has to be Darren Ambrose's wonder strike against Man Utd in the Carling/Capital One/League/Coca-Cola Cup. This is definitely in my top 5 of all time. What a f***ing goal.


Bappo: I wanted to put Zlatan's goal, or Aguero's. But I discovered this one, from Belgian side Lokeren. Absolutely glorious. I witnessed beach soccer on grass,

Hello boys and girls. The Round Table returns with apologies for the delay. The questions were put to everyone prior to this week-end's action so forgive us if some issues might look a bit outdated.

1- It's fair to say people have been surprised by Gary Neville's performances as Sky pundit. Where does he rank for you? And who are the worst in the business?

Westy: It's been great to see him be so honest about Man Utd. We're all used to the 'I'm sorry, I didn't see it' excuses, and it's nice to see someone genuinely speak their mind. It does help that he was an opinionated **** as a player too - see Robbie Savage for someone else who's made the transition comfortably. As for the worst, Garth Crooks would be there, but watching the Alistair Magowan clips I just think he's hilarious. Lawro gets my vote. Just annoying.

Bappo: Let me first say that I seriously disliked G dot Nev as a player. He was scum, loved himself, was successful and kept sporting that ridiculous pre-pubescent boy's mustache. He was absolutely disgusting. But as a pundit? From the on-air orgasm to his criticism of absolutely everyone, he's quickly become my favourite commentator and expert. That's also because he gives a damn and actually does his research. Unlike Garth Crooks, who not only loves himself, makes no sense but also clearly knows nothing about football. After all, in one of his 'team of the week-end', he did say it was a shame James Morrison hadn't been picked by Hodgson. Isn't that because he's already got over 20 caps for Scotland Garth? Muppet. Lawro and the ITV lads aren't far behind though.

Garth Crooks: an explosive combination of smugness and incompetence.

Chaka Demus: It was clear to all watching (and more importantly listening) that Gary Neville's 'goal-gasm' at Torres's goal against Barcelona changed football punditry forever. He played for Man Utd for about 30 years so he knows his stuff. More importantly he didn't retire all that long ago so he still knows and played with a lot of the players that are still in the Prem, which helps. The main thing is that he really knows his stuff and doesn't talk and chat s**t just for the sake of filling air time. The worst? Garth Crooks. Also, Adrian Chiles as the host of ITV - he's just atrocious.

2- Aston Villa defeated an optimistic Liverpool 3-1 at the week-end with Benteke in particular looking impressive. The Belgian has played very well, but which new signings have also opened your eyes so far?

Westy: Michu's still wining this battle for me. Other than him, I've been seriously impressed with Steven Pienaar back at Everton - he's been awesome. I've also quite liked the look of Tettey in midfield for Norwich; he was particularly good against Arsenal.

Bappo: Hard to look past Michu really. Absolutely fantastic. I also think Claudio Yacob at West Brom has been an inspired signing, linking well with Mulumbu to form a dynamic midfield partnership. And he cost nothing as well. I've got to say I also think Sebastien Bassong has been spectactular at Norwich. They were porous before he turned up and have become solid since then. He's even scored some important goals as well. And of course Cazorla at Arsenal - I knew he was class but that man is just a pleasure to watch play football. And he does it with a smile on his face.

Chaka Demus: Michu is an obvious answer but definitely a deserved one. Santi Cazorla really impressed me early on but with Arsenal's shocking form and his dive against West Brom I am beginning to doubt that. Kevin Mirallas at Everton looks like a very lively player but seems a little injury prone. Then, I've only seen him play one full game (which I think was against QPR so we can't go too mad about it) but Alexander Buttner looks like an incredibly gifted and hard-working full-back.

Tettey and Bassong nominated: a reward for Norwich's impressive start. Forget Leon Barnett on the far left though. He shouldn't be included on the list.

3- Norwich have been on a great run, notably led by Wes Hoolahan. Who would be in your top 5 most underrated players in the Premier League?

Westy: Claudio Yacob has been a great find for West Brom, and I'd probably put Mulumbu in there as well. On top of that, James McCarthy looks really good playing for an average Wigan side. I'd round it off with Mark Noble and Wayne Routledge who are both having excellent seasons.

Bappo: West Brom have many in my books (Morrison, Mulumbu, Brunt, Long). In fact nearly half of their team is in there, but I'd like to recognise Gareth McAuley's good work. Before last season he was just an average 31-year-old centre back who'd always played in the Championship. Since then he's settled well into the Prem alongside Jonas Olsson to form an efficient pairing. Apart from him, I think Wayne Routledge has been criminally underrated this season; he's added goals and cleverness to his goals. Damien Duff also deserves some credit: every year people say he'll be left out of the Fulham squad, and every year he proves them wrong. Even though he's lost his pace he's still a very clever winger.  Finally I like the looks of Leon Osman and Sandro - effective, no-nonsense players who work hard for their team.

Chaka Demus: Top 5 underrated - very tricky as I think there are quite a few to choose from.
                          1. James Morrison - nothing too flashy (other than his goals) and very rarely puts a foot wrong. A very reliable player.
                          2. Leon Osman - has been consistently good for years so I was very happy he got called-up to play against Sweden.
                          3. Matty Taylor - like the other two he doesn't really have that much to set him apart (a very good left foot though) but works very hard for his team (be that Bolton or West Ham).
                          4. Matthew Etherington - incredible feet, likes to run at players, good with both feet, not the quickest anymore but a real diamond in the thick rough that is the Stoke squad.
                          5. Sandro - I seem to have picked five hard-working midfielders but there you go. Sandro has certainly benefited from Scotty Parker's injury but he has done well - a shame that he will probably lose his spot now that Parker is on the mend and Dembele is back as well.

Can we just hand out the award to West Brom? Wally's been impressed by the boys from the Hawthorns.

4- First Grant Holt. Now Rickie Lambert. If you had to name a striker now plying his trade in the Championship who could have the same impact, who would it be?

Westy: Jumping on the bandwagon a bit I guess, but Glenn Murray has been impressive in helping Crystal Palace massively overachieve. Either him or strike partner Wilried Zaha would be a great shout for lower Premier League sides. Sorry Chaka!

Zaha: predictably nominated. But then he looks like he's THAT good.

Bappo: Charlie Austin is a candidate for me. Scored bucket-loads at Swindon then adjusted really well to a poor Burnley side and the Championship. The boy clearly knows where the goal is and it would be fun to see him have the same route as the two previously mentioned strikers. He even played for even sh****r teams so it would be quite an achievement.

Chaka Demus: Wilfried Zaha - I am obviously biased but I really think he is going to be a great player. I just hope he stays with us until we (hopefully) make it to the Prem at the end of the season.

5- Chelsea lost the final of the 'Club World Championship' and Torres only scored a fluke against Monterrey. Will there be a Chelsea and Torres revival? And what did you make of David Luiz playing in midfield?

Westy: Torres revival? No. I do feel sorry for him though - it was funny at first with him not scoring for weeks on end, but now it's just a little bit painful. Benitez will help him play better, but in reality it's a bit of a doomed vanity project of Abramovich's - much like a certain Andriy Shevchenko. As for Sideshow Bob, the further you can get him away from your own goal, the better. He's always been technically good, but defensively he's an utter clown.

Bappo: Torres revival? No. And he doesn't even deserve one to be honest. The man is just lazy now, he's lost pace and his touch wasn't that good, even at Liverpool. He was great because he had an instinct, anticipation and reactions and his pace was frightening. He's lost all of that, and scoring against Nordsjqelanddfjlsmqbv (not a typo), Sunderland and Monterrey is not an achievement. As for David Luiz, he just lacks concentration. If he focused on his job he'd be an outstanding centre-back, and has been so several times (Champions' League final anyone?). It'd be great if he could have a mentor to teach him the ropes at Chelsea, but JT is no Desailly.

Chaka Demus: I have always liked Torres and would like him to do well. I think with Benitez he will be better and his confidence will come if he scores more consistently. David Luiz is certainly not a central defender and is certainly more suited to the defensive midfielder position.

One of them is a professional footballer.

6- Arsenal bounced back with a 5-2 win over Reading. Walcott finally played up front. Would you play him there? How good could he be?

Westy: No, he's not a striker. Theo's biggest detriment is his inability to make any sort of decision and strikers need to know exactly what they're going to do without any sort of doubt. He needs to be playing on the wing with simple instructions - either get to the byline and pull it back, or cut in and shoot. Plus, it's ridiculous that he's demanding to be played there like he's God's gift - it's not like he's set the world alight!

Bappo: Walcott is a typical young-ish English player; he's incredibly overrated and believes in his own hype. Honestly the boy just isn't that good a footballer. I'm going to go all ESPN on you: in the NBA what separates a great player from an average one is not athleticism, it's what they call 'Basketball IQ'. Walcott has all the tools but he has NO 'football IQ', no footballing brain. He's even said it himself when he wrote: "If I didn't have pace I wouldn't be a professional football player." So who am I to doubt Theo? How good could he be? A better version of Gervinho. Admittedly that's not too difficult, but that's still what he'd be. If only he could grow the same hair/wig! Maybe I'd warm up to him then.

Chaka Demus: I would definitely play Theo there. Chamakh is terrible. Gervinho is very hot and cold. Giroud could be good but it's taking him quite a while to settle. I don't think Podolski is quick enough to be a striker. Walcott's finishing and final ball have been his supposed 'weaknesses' over the years but I really think he has improved a lot.

There's something not right with this picture.

7- QPR beat Fulham for their first win of the season, and now go away to a struggling Newcastle. Will 'Arry's unbeaten run continue? Or will Newcastle turn things around?

Westy: I really, really hope they lose. Newcastle deserve so much more than QPR, and I think you'll see them comfortably ease past QPR's mercenaries. That being said, Newcastle really need Cabaye back, or at least play a midfielder with a semblance of creativity.

Bappo: Newcastle will win, strictly because QPR are that bad. I know 'Arry's done OK, but his team hasn't really played any heavyweights yet. I was disappointed in Fulham more than anything, it's not like QPR set the world alight. Hopefully a nice little comfortable win for Pardew and his boys.

Tiote and Cabaye: without them Newcastle struggle.

Chaka Demus: I think QPR could well beat Newcastle. The Toon have been poor for quite a while now. I think I am right in saying that Tiote and Cabaye are both still out so their midfield is significantly weaker and less creative. Their first win will have spurred QPR on and I wouldn't bet against them this week-end.

8- The Champions' League draw pitted Man Utd vs Real Madrid and Arsenal vs Bayern Munich. What do you make of the English clubs' chances? And who are your dark horses for the tournament?

Westy: Sad to say, but I can't see any of the British teams making it through. Real and Ronaldo will just be too strong for Man Utd, and I can't see United having the weapons to hurt Ramos and Co at the back. Make no mistake, Mourinho won't want to lose that one either. As for Arsenal, they've been poor recently and Bayern (CL penalty miss aside) are generally clinical and remorseless. Pluky losses for both of them is probably the best we can hope for. As for dark horses, I'd go for Dortmund, who have looked classy all the way through.

We're expecting this again.

Bappo: Man Utd will be pulverized in midfield. They were awful in the group stages and Real will doubly want to win the CL considering they're in turmoil. And Utd's defence is just shocking at European level. Just not good enough. They'll do OK at home and then will be found out away. As for Arsenal they'll need Wilshere, Arteta and Cazorla to turn in two outstanding performances if they want to have any luck of progressing further. I also hope Koscielny and Vermaelen will play because they can be solid. But I think they'll fall short.

Chaka Demus: This is boring but I mostly agree with what Westy says. Dortmund have been my dark horses from early on and neither of the English teams will progress through to the next round I think.

9- Everton and Tottenham look like serious contenders for the top 4 this year. Which team has a better chance of reaching that target, and why?

Westy: Probably Spurs because Everton are bound to get an injury at some point. It's been good to see AVB coming out of some rough patch looking good, and he deserves a lot of credit. The Chelsea fans (that loveable bunch) really got on his back early after he tried to move their precious JT and Lamps on, and whilst he made some mistakes, he didn't deserve the backlash he got. Moyes is again doing a fantastic job, but their financial constraints will probably stop them getting the Champions League spot they crave.

Bappo: Tottenham, strictly because they have a stronger squad and a better starting XI anyway. And they have one of the best midfielders in the country in Moussa Dembele. Honestly, he's that good. Add to that Lloris, Caulker, Sandro, Bale, Lennon and Defoe and you have one hell of a spine to the team. I wish Everton could make it but they'll be hit with injuries at some point and their squad is so thin that it would be a miracle if they made it. But they'll give it one hell of a go and will keep showing that Moyes is the best manager in the land.

Chaka Demus: I think Everton do. They are drawing a lot of games but they aren't losing many at all. Their team spirit is excellent and they have arguably the best manager in the league. Spurs have conceded a LOT of late goals (ironically 2 against Everton), are too inconsistent and their fans are too quick to boos and criticisms rather than getting behind their team.

Wally is unanimous: Moyesy is the best in the business.

10- It's the end of the year, and people are thinking of their team of the season. Who would be your goalkeeper for 2012 (Premier League only)?

Westy: The frontrunners have to be Hart, Krul and Vorm, and actually I'm going for the Newcastle stopper. In a defence that consists of Coloccini (who admittedly has been pretty good) and Mike Williamson, Krul has made some outstanding saves, and often been the difference between Newcastle winning and drawing. Michel Vorm has had an excellent start to Premiership life as well, but I feel Krul deserves this more.

Bappo: Hart has been good but he's been overrated. His performance against Dortmund overshadowed the fact that he's made mistakes in the Premier League. Still a very good goalie, especially at such a young age. I think Krul has been the keeper of 2012 for me: reliable, solid, makes no mistakes and makes that bunch of average players (Coloccini is also overrated) look like Premier League quality. Quite an achievement. I'd also like to nominate Ruddy, Howart and Vorm who have all performed very  well. But Krul just wins it for me.

Chaka Demus: Keeper of the year - tricky one. I am going to say Ali Al-Habsi. He is Wigan's best player by a mile. Were it not for him they'd be in more trouble than they already are. In fact, they would be in the Championship already were it not for him.

Kelvin Davis: funnily enough he wasn't nominated for goalie of the year.

The week-end's predictions

Wigan vs Arsenal
Bappo (0-2), Chaka Demus (1-2)


Man City vs Reading
Bappo (3-0), Chaka Demus (4-1)


Tottenham vs Stoke
Bappo (1-0), Chaka Demus (1-1)


Liverpool vs Fulham
Bappo (2-0), Chaka Demus (2-1)


West Ham vs Everton
Bappo (2-1), Chaka Demus (1-2)


West Brom vs Norwich
Bappo (0-1), Chaka Demus (2-2)


Newcastle vs QPR
Bappo (2-0), Chaka Demus (2-3)


Southampton vs Sunderland
Bappo (2-2), Chaka Demus (3-2, biggest game of the week)


Swansea vs Man Utd
Bappo (2-1), Chaka Demus (2-2)


Chelsea vs Aston Villa
Bappo (2-0), Chaka Demus (3-1)

OK people, I've drafted in Chaka Demus and Westy for a round table discussion on a few football issues. This will hopefully be a weekly/regular thing so let us know what you think and whether you agree/disagree with us.

1- QPR, Reading, Wigan, Aston Villa, Southampton and Sunderland. Out of the current bottom six, who will stay up and who will get relegated?

Westy: Wigan, Villa and Sunderland will stay up. QPR are thoroughly detestable due to their scatter-gun approach to transfers and the mercenary-like attitude of their players. It's been good to see Harry bring players like Shaun Derry back into the fold, but I can't see them pulling it around. Sunderland have been atrocious of late, but provided they stick with Martin, they'll sort it out - the big worry would be an injury to Fletcher as they've got nothing else up front. Whilst I'd love Southampton to stay up, my head says they don't quite have enough steel to see out the tough wins (see the game against Swansea for example...). The main difference is the managers - Lambert, Martinez and O'Neill all have good experience of the tough end of the Premiership and that should be enough.

Chaka Demus: QPR and Reading are done for. I don't see either of them surviving. QPR are a complete joke but it's a real shame for Reading as they play some nice football and are pretty good going forward but they just have such a woeful defence and can't keep hold of a lead. Of the other, I'm not sure. I think Sunderland are in trouble. I'd like to see Southampton and Wigan stay up. I think Villa with Benteke and Weimann will be OK.

Bappo: QPR are already down for me. No team cohesion,no unity, no style of play and Redknapp isn't that good. So for me they're actually heading for League One within three years  No joke. As for the other two, it's hard to look past Reading, they're just too naïve. It's a shame because I like McDermott and his team-first approach. I'm going to say Wigan finally go down and Martinez loses his luckily-earned reputation (he stumbled upon that 3-5-2). I think it will be between them and Southampton for that third place but the Saints have a lot more firepower so it might help them in the long term. Sunderland and Villa really should be safe, but they'll sweat a little over the course of the season.

That slogan could not be more wrong. Sorry QPR but it's a unanimous sentence: you're going down.

2- After the Manchester derby and United's win, who will win the league this season?

Westy: United will, somehow. In spite of the fact that their midfield remains pitiful (why hasn't Sir Alex bought a decent holding midfielder?), they have too much nous for the rest of the league and pull out the results when it matters. City remains a team of individuals, as exemplified by the various antics of Nasri and Balotelli on the day - great when it's going their way, but fold the moment it goes against them.

Chaka Demus: Watching the game, all the pundits were just wetting themselves with excitement about this being the title decider, which was total b******s. Last season  Man Utd were, what, 8 points ahead with 5 game left? They then sh*t the bed and City came back to win it in extra time of the last game. Neither of the Manchester teams have played really well yet this season and they head the table. I think it will be one of the twobut it's too early to say as yet... I would love for it be Everton though, if only they hadn't had so many draws up to this point.

Aguero's goal: the reason why Chaka Demus doesn't want to make a prediction.

Bappo: Man City. It's still theirs to lose in my book. They've got the better players and Man Utd just have to start losing at some point because they're that average. Honestly. And because I still have hope that Mancini will stop being stupid and will revert back to a 4-2-3-1 with Lescott/Kompany at the back and Aguero/Tevez up front. Just please stop playing Nasri/Balotelli/Javi Garcia/Maicon. Yours faithfully, Bappo.

3- Now that we are close to the half-way point of the season, who will end up in the top 4?

Westy:  1. Man Utd 2. Man City 3. Chelsea 4. Spurs (much though I'd love it to be Everton)

Chaka Demus: The top 4 at the end of the season? Utd and City, plus who knows? I have a feeling Liverpool will actually spend some money in January so I can see them being back there. I think Everton are quite a safe bet for now as long as they stay fit. They are a very good team unit, unlike City. Spurs could be in there as well but they are just so erratic and their supporters are so fickle it's a joke. I will say the two Manchester teams and the two Liverpool teams.

Bappo: 1. Man City 2. Man Utd 3. Spurs 4. Liverpool


4- Who has done the best job out of the new managers this season?

Westy: Rafa Benitez...nah, probably Michael Laudrup for doing an exceptional job in replacing Brendan Rodgers. Although not technically new, Big Sam also deserves a mention for bringing West Ham back as a far stronger force than when they left.

Chaka Demus: Rafa Benitez...of course. Just kidding - Steve Clarke.

Well done Rafa you made it! Oh wait...

Bappo: Rafa Benitez just for being who he is...a tw*t. The award must go to Michael Laudrup for transforming Swansea from a passing team with no urgency to one able to counter and attack with speed. Big kudos as well to Chris Hughton who not only is a nice guy but has done very, very well at Norwich. And special mention to AVB who, despite all the hoopla, has guided Tottenham within touching distance of the top 4 whilst having to play William Gallas at the back. Quite an achievement.

5 -Name the 5 most impressive players this season

Westy: I've taken this to mean players who have surprised and impressed me personally. We all know the Van Persies and Harts of the world are exceptional - this is, for me, those players who have performed far above what I had previously thought of them.

Therefore, Michu wins this by a mile. The rest of mine are somewhat surprising. Pablo Zabaleta has epitomised what a City player should be like - works very hard for the team and has made the 'where is Micah Richards' debate a complete non-issue. Kevin Nolan is another one who's impressed, grabbing some vital goals for West Ham as well as being a complete nightmare to play against. Marouane Fellaini is another whose inclusion can't be debated, and my final choice would be Shane Long, who works phenomenally hard for his team and provides a great focal point for West Ham's counters.

Chaka Demus: 1. Michu - just unbelievable
                        2. Pablo Zabaleta - he must run 50 miles every game he plays and, unlike the majority of his team, is the only player to look like he really gives a s**t. Nasri, Yaya Touré, Silva, Balotelli all look completely disinterested.
                        3. Jermain Defoe - looks very sharp and also looks to be enjoying himself which is good to see.
                        4. Jason Puncheon and Adam Lallana - very good work together and individually. I'd really like to see Southampton do well or at least stay up.
                        5. The entire Everton team working as one. Proper football.

Bappo: 1. Michu - for obvious reasons. Top scorer whilst playing for Swansea as an unorthodox centre-forward. Impressive.
             2. Sebastien Bassong - because he's made Michael Turner look like a Premier League centre-back and he's even scored 3 in 3. I wonder if AVB is happy he let him go to keep William Gallas. Unsung hero.
             3. Wayne Routledge, Nathan Dyer and Pablo Hernandez - because they're part of the reason Michu has been so good.
             4. James Morrison - because not only does he 'give me something' but he loves to score a belter and has been a huge reason why West Brom were out of the blocks so well.
             5. Marouane Fellaini - because he's a beast, because he chests the ball down like no other and because he's got incredible hair. All valid reasons.

Michu has impressed everyone with his goalscoring exploits. Not so much with his celebrations.

6- Name the 5 most disappointing players this season

Westy: 1. Adam Johnson. He should be a key member of a relatively poor team, and just wastes almost every chance he gets to cross or shoot (the fluke against Chelsea doesn't count, Cech should save that all day long).
             2. The entire Arsenal team. They should be utterly embarrassed at how poor they have been this season.

Chaka Demus: 1. Mario Balotelli - all talk and no trousers.
                        2. The majority of the QPR team are just an embarrassment.
                        3. Fernando Torres - up until this past weekend he has been shocking and rightly criticised by the media for his poor performances. Let's hope he can bring it round.

Bappo:  1. Yaya Touré - When you're that good and you have the ability to absolutely beast every game, it's embarrassing to see you coast and do f**k all. Really awful.
              2. Thomas Vermaelen - what's happened to you Thomas? You've managed to make Mertesacker look world class this season. You and Koscielny were meant to finally get it together.
              3. Papiss Cissé - please start scoring again and giving a damn.
              4. Gary Cahill - I know your partner is Sideshow Bob but could you please re-learn the art of defending?
              5. Ashley Williams - because you make Chico Flores and his uni-brow look class. Quite an achievement.

I would have added Torres and Gervinho but they've been sh*t for too long to call them 'disappointing'.

Congrats Arsenal. According to Westy, you've all been abysmal. Bravo.

7- Name your 5 most disliked players this season

Westy: Adam Johnson, Suarez, Gervinho, Taarabt, Balotelli. For Johnson, see above. For Suarez, there's no need to even ask. Balotelli was fun at the beginning but it's now just annoying watching his petulant side rear its head every single game. Also, when did he last do something good? Gervinho has been a complete waste of money and still has no idea what to do in the final third. Taarabt is up there because he's just too selfish for a side in that much trouble. Granted, he can produce moments of brilliance, but he needs to realise he's just one man of eleven.

That's right Luis, claim that award for most despicable player.

Chaka Demus: 1. Ashley Young - he's just such a whiny, diving little b*tch. I can't stand him.
                        2. Ramires/Jon Obi Mikel/whichever Chelsea player was responsible for the allegations against Mark Clattenburg. And then, in turn, Chelsea not offering any kind of a public apology to him having potentially ruined his career. Disgraceful.
                        3. Santi Cazorla - again for diving. Made Steven Reid look culpable for something he didn't do and turned that game against West Brom. Shameful behaviour. 

That's about it really. Not too many players I dislike this year.

Bappo: John Terry is in there. Because he has to be. After all he embodies the most despicable team in the land. A poster boy for the wrong reasons. Luis Suarez and Gareth Bale also make an appearance for the same reasons: diving. 4 bookings for simulation and sarcastic clapping of the ref: sorry Gareth but you're as bad as the rat-faced Uruguayan. I still want to like you but you're heading towards my doghouse. And it's hard to leave. Just ask Ryan Shawcross. And finally I'm going to award the last two places to Patrice Evra and William Gallas. Because they both just don't care and get away with it. They're also crap at very good clubs. Disgusting.

A special mention to Liam Ridgewell for his outrageous dive the other day. And then you wonder why I don't feel sorry for you about the Cazorla thing. What goes around comes around West Brom!

8- With Sunderland languishing in 15th, how should we assess Martin O'Neill's contribution? Better or worse than Steve Bruce?

Westy: Good question! I still think Sunderland are in a better place than they were with Bruce, but it's hard to say why. The squad is improved but just suffering a crisis of confidence. I'm pretty sure that the victory over Reading will boost them.

Chaka Demus: Tough one to answer. I think you really just have to take into account what a relatively poor squad of players they have. The defence is weak. The midfield is reasonable but not a whole lot of pace or creativity and then they are relying purely on Steven Fletcher to score goals. I don't think either manager should be overly criticised. Although I cannot for the life of me understand why a player like Louis Saha is sitting on the bench for 80 minutes every game. 

Bappo: In my view Martin O'Neill is infinitely better than Steve Bruce. After all, it's not like he signed Titus Bramble. Although he did sign Heskey for Villa. Ouch. The problem with Sunderland is their centre midfield. Cattermole/Gardner/Larsson are not the best candidates to thread some good balls to a potentially dangerous front 4 of Sessegnon/McClean/Johson/Fletcher. It doesn't help that only one of these four players has actually turned up. They should get better with time.

Adam Johnson: it'd be good if he decided to play a bit.

9 -What are your views on the Darren Bent situation?

Westy: I don't really understand why he's being left out, as I'm sure Villa would have more success pairing him with Benteke. Granted, the Belgian's been good, but they need to be more attacking, and you can't doubt Bent's goal-scoring ability. An odd one certainly.

Chaka Demus: I really couldn't care less. He thinks he is a lot better than he actually is and is paid too much already. I think he will definitely move in January. 

Bappo: Sorry but Benteke, at this moment in time, is better. He actually tries to do things like pass the ball to his team-mates or pressurise the defenders. Bent is just an English Pippo Inzaghi. He scores goals but does nothing else. And when your manager only plays one up front you're going to drop out. Is Lambert being a bit evasive about it all? Sure, but he's also right. And don't forget Weimann.

He's pulling that face every day now.

10- Where will Newcastle finish this season?

Westy: 8th/9th. The injuries have taken their toll on a good but thin squad. They massively over-achieved last season and a top half finish would represent a decent consolidation from last year.

Chaka Demus: With their current injury worries and Europa League matches in the New Year I think they are likely to finish in the bottom half. Not in danger of relegation I don't think but they will certainly need Demba Ba to stay fit.

Bappo: 13th. No Tioté due to the CAN, injuries to Cabaye, a misfiring Cissé and a weak defence. They'll be safe but they'll struggle a little bit.   



The Week-end's predictions

Newcastle v Manchester City
Chaka Demus (1-2), Westy (0-2), Bappo (0-2)


Manchester United v Sunderland
Chaka Demus (3-1), Westy (3-0), Bappo (2-1)


Stoke v Everton
Chaka Demus (1-1), Westy (1-1), Bappo (0-1)


Liverpool v Aston Villa
Chaka Demus (2-1), Westy (2-1), Bappo (1-0)


Norwich v Wigan
Chaka Demus (1-0), Westy (1-0), Bappo (2-0)


QPR v Fulham
Chaka Demus (0-2), Westy (2-1), Bappo (1-1)


Tottenham v Swansea
Chaka Demus (2-2), Westy (3-1), Bappo (1-2)


West Brom v West Ham
Chaka Demus (2-2), Westy (1-2), Bappo (0-1)


Reading v Arsenal
Chaka Demus (1-3), Westy (0-1), Bappo (0-2)