Wally with a Brolly

Odds are that if you’ve ever seen an England match, you’ll have had a pretty big feeling of déjà vu on Friday evening. Each of those typical emotions: hope, surprise, resignation, and incandescent rage, they all surfaced at some point, with the odd result that England actually won.

Let’s start with surprise and hope. Andy Carroll scoring a bullet header from 10 yards shouldn’t be too surprising really. After all, it’s what he was bought to do at Liverpool, what he succeeded in doing a lot at Newcastle, and actually, pretty much what he was doing towards the end of this season going into the tournament. The ball from Gerrard was sublime and Carroll’s header every bit as good, vindicating Roy’s decision to start him with Welbeck to exploit the obvious flaws in the Swedish defence, and Carroll probably (just) outperformed his lookalike on the opposite team.

Resignation came in the form of our own massive flaw: we simply have no idea what to do when we’re winning. Surprising really, when you consider that we have Ashley Cole and John Terry in the back four - whilst they are two of the most morally reprehensible people to walk the planet, with their experience, they should be counted on to know what to do to close out a game. Instead we go into headless chicken mode, trying to play an offside trap with split centre backs, refusing to play a single 5 yard pass, and abandoning anybody in the team in possession of the ball whilst 3 opposition players surround them. It’s a wonder we don’t concede more to be honest.

The incandescent rage could be aimed at any number of players, but watching Olof Mellberg score the tamest of headers to put Sweden 2-1 up with nobody anywhere near him made stomachs turn. Terry, presumably, was looking after Ibrahimovic, but Joleon Lescott had no such excuse. After Alou Diarra’s header in the France game, that now makes two very simple set plays where we have looked totally at sea.

Cue Plan B with Theo Walcott. If you believe the tabloids, Roy Hodgson is a genius for sending Walcott on when we were losing. Theo’s match statistics (1 goal, 1 assist, 2 key passes out of 5, with a 100% pass completion rate) would support this, but sending on a speedy attacker when you’re losing is hardly rocket science. Much as we love Roy, this is just what any England manager would have done, although we have to say, telling Theo to shoot down the middle of the goal from 25 yards was a wonderful premonition. Walcott’s shot shouldn’t have troubled Isaksson in the slightest, but the Swede decided instead to do his best Matrix impression, and England drew level. A shade over ten minutes later, Walcott made a trademark burst to the byline, cutting it back nicely for Welbeck to backheel into the net à la Kanu (there’s definitely a resemblance there as well…)

To cut a long-winded ramble short, here are the ratings:

Hart: 7/10 - Didn’t do much wrong to be honest, Larsson’s cross for the 2^nd Swedish goal probably curled too late for him to come and claim it, but he will be disappointed nonetheless. Also produced a wonderful save from Källstrom late on.

Johnson: 4/10 - Had a bit of a shocker after half time. Played Mellberg onside for the first and should have probably cleared it off the line as well before giving away the free kick for the second. A long range shot into row Z pretty much summed up his night.

Terry: 6/10 - Barked a lot, but was humiliated in a foot race with Ibrahimovic toward the end of the first period. Will be disappointed with how badly England lost their defensive shape at the start of the second half. Unlucky not to equalise with a great header however.

Lescott: 5/10 - As previously mentioned, was at fault for Mellberg’s header, and shares equal responsibility with Terry for the lack of shape in the second half.

Cole: 5/10 - Looked strangely shaky in defence and will feel he could have contributed more in attack.

Parker: 6/10 - A 25-yarder looked destined for the net but was denied by a great save from Isaksson. Otherwise, broke up play well, although doubts still remain about how much he offers going forward.

Gerrard: 8/10 - An all-action performance, although he will be disappointed not to have scored at the death. His cross for Carroll’s goal was simply perfect and surging runs caused the Swedes problems all night long. Man of the match.

Milner: 5/10 - Still struggles to get a foothold in this team, but much of the criticism has been over the top given that he has to protect Glen. The fact remains that he is not a winger, let alone one of international class.

Young: 4/10 - Utterly anonymous. Need we say more?

Carroll: 7/10 - Defended from the front and his header to put England in front was reminiscent of the traditional English number 9 he was supposed to replace. Will need to learn from the silly challenge for the Swedish free-kick though.

Welbeck: 8/10 - Continues to mature game-by-game and his movement off the ball is excellent, occupying defenders and holding the ball up like a player 5 years older. His improvised finish for the winner was spectacular and well-deserved.

Subs:

Walcott: 9/10 - Can’t deny that he changed the game, although it would be interesting to know exactly where he was planning to put that shot. Great burst and a surprisingly good ball for Welbeck’s goal as well.

Oxlade-Chamberlain - No time to make an impact