Wally with a Brolly

I reckon Ireland fans know what I mean. After the heartbreak of the Thierry Henry 'Hand of va-va-voom', many were quick to declare their 'secondary' allegiance to the (other) Green Army. So it was a pleasure for many to see Ireland make it to Euro 2012 after defeating Estonia in the play-offs.

The moment that made us root for Ireland. notice Henry's marker. Yes it's Paul McShane. A sign of things to come.

Giovanni Trapattoni had somehow managed to take a team of distinctly average yet likeable players to the finals of a major international tournament. Showing a commitment to Irish success which shamed Capello and his 'efforts' for England, the wise old Trap was probably looking for a last swansong, and Irish fans and neutrals alike were happy to go for the ride.

Trapattoni: passionate, competent and with fire in his belly.

And then the draw for Euro 2012 was made, and we should have known right there that Ireland was doomed. Croatia, Italy and the mighty Spain were standing in the way of the Irish. The last two World Cup winners and a perennial contender. This was to be no easy task for the Irish, and so it proved to be.

The draw for Group C was also the perfect opportunity for me to rekindle the love/hate relationship I'd always had with Slaven Bilic, the maverick manager of unheralded yet supremely talented Croatia. I hadn't really known Bilic as a player, but his legacy in my eyes had been to get Laurent Blanc sent off in the semi-final of World Cup 98 through outrageous play-acting. This act, combined with what I considered to be an over-hyped view of his achievements, had ensured the I was unsure as to how I felt about Slaven Bilic. He was a polarising figure, and I was secretly looking forward to seeing him at the Euros. I was just undecided as to whether I wanted him to fail or succeed.

The obstacle to my man-crush: a diving Bilic against France in 98. Not the most likeable guy then.

As for Italy and Spain, the feeling was one of deja-vu. Spain hasn't changed in the last 4 years, and for good reason too. Italy, on the other hand, were in turmoil due to the match-fixing scandal which forced their dignified manager Cesare Prandelli into dropping Domenico Criscito, his starting left-back implicated in illegal bets.

A ball-playing Spain squad and an Italian team hit by scandal. We'd all been there before.

Domenico Criscito: predicted left-back for Italy. Soon to be in prison. Not seen at Euro 2012. Classic Italy.

 Now let's recap each team's accomplishments, with their star players (good and/or bad) and the best quotes or moments.

                    IRELAND

The worst team of the tournament with Sweden. Even though their group was outrageously difficult, Ireland showed no courage in any of the games they played. Completely outclassed by their opponents, the Irish seemed happy just to be there and to listen to the incredible support their fans gave them. 

Based on a supposedly solid defence, Ireland were meant to counter quickly and work hard. Their effort cannot be doubted, yet the lack of quality, particularly in midfield, was shocking. Over-hyped due to the fact that most of their players play in the Premier League, albeit for bottom-of-the table teams (and Stoke), the Irish never had control of the ball for consecutive minutes during their matches. It was an embarrassing performance, and the most interesting thing to come out of their camp was the spat between Trapattoni and Roy Keane. A team in turmoil which will likely go through many lean years as no decent young players apart from McClean are coming through.

Speaking of McClean, many people were calling for his inclusion in the starting XI. Whilst Trap's confidence in Simon Cox was baffling, the winger from Sunderland would have had no impact whatsoever. He would have needed the ball, and Ireland never came close to controlling play in any of their games. 

There shouldn't also be any doubting of Trapattoni's abilities. The man did a great job getting this poor team to the Euros, and luck played a huge part in it. Facing Estonia in the play-offs was a godsend which hid many of their limitations. Trap was let down by his players, who weren't particularly any good in the first place.

Hansen and Pardew's assessment of their last game against Italy told the whole story: "Ireland went down bravely". Except they lost 2-0 and didn't create a single goal-scoring chance. It was an appropriate indictment of their time in Poland.

Best Quote: "He has been a great player and had great success. I don't know if he achieved the same results as coach or manager." Trapattoni saying out loud what everybody thinks about Roy Keane and his 'punditry'.

Best Moment: Keith Andrews acting like a maniac after being sent off against Italy.

Andrews making a point to the ref. Don't bother Keith. We don't listen to average footballers.

Star Player: Damien Duff. The Fulham man worked incredibly hard and helped John O'Shea immensely defensively. The fact that this made him Ireland's best player is staggering, especially considering he had no attacking input whatsoever. A special mention to Sean St Ledger who showed far more commitment than many of his 'established' Premier League team-mates.

Worst player: The rest of the team. We'll give Shay Given the benefit of the doubt as he wasn't helped by his defenders and was coming back from injury. But otherwise, it's hard to single out any particularly awful player when the whole team played so poorly and was out of their depth. However, we would like to congratulate John O'Shea on wasting years of experience at Champions' League level and deciding not to turn up and be the leader of the defense. Kudos, JOS.

Good luck trying to find the worst player. No, it's not a compliment.

Rating: F

                    CROATIA

Talk about not deserving to go out. Croatia were by far the most entertaining team of the group, putting Ireland to the sword, dominating Italy and matching Spain for the majority of their game.

Built on a talented group of technically comfortable players, Croatia were not afraid to take the game to their opponents. Led by an improbably attired yet tactically astute Bilic, the Croatians combined grace in midfield with pace and power up front. Had Rakitic scored that header against Spain, Croatia could have potentially put up the upset of the Euros, even if it shouldn't have been so surprising considering the calibre of their players. Even Kranjcar cannot find a place in the starting XI, and there were contributions all across the board from either under-rated Premier League players like Corluka or players like Srna, who demonstrates every two or four years that he is one of the best wide players in Europe.

Croatia would have walked past any team in Group A, and England and France will be happy that they weren't drawn against them in Group D, such was the quality of Modric and Co. It's just a shame they were in the other group of death, yet they bowed out in style and with pride. Seeing Modric swap his shirt with a respectful Iniesta symbolised the quality of football they produced.

Not only did they play with great gusto and heart, but their performance helped me define my relationship with Bilic. It's a man-crush. And man what a great beanie hat!

Slaven Bilic: tactically aware, fashion guru. A proponent of the suit-beanie hat combo that even Boyz II Men were wary of pulling off.

Best Quote: "It is a big problem all around Europe and all around the world, and on behalf of the entire nation, not even as a football manager, I want to say that I am really disappointed as a Croatian, a parent, and a sportsman, a person who comes from a modern, open-minded and tolerant state. Everone is welcome in our country, I don't like these kinds of supporters and nor do my players. I don't want them to come into the stadium." Slaven Bilic's reaction to racist chants heard from Croatian fans.

Best Moment: Luka Modric dancing past the Spanish defence, biding his time and playing a deligthful outside of the foot pass to a rampaging Ivan Rakitic. Gorgeous.

Star Player: Luka Modric. Apart from a difficult first half against Italy, the little Spur was outstanding throughout, dictating play from deep or playing higher up the pitch. A special mention to Ivan Strinic, a relative unknown who produced consistently good performances from left-back.

Modric: Superb.

Worst player: Who the hell is Gordon Schildenfeld? The burly centre-back seemed a step slow next to the 'rapid' Corluka. Schildenfeld wasn't particularly poor yet he didn't exude confidence either.

Rating: A

                    ITALY


Italy came into this tournament in a state of turmoil. Great credit must be given to Cesare Prandelli, seemingly the only honest Italian in that group, for deciding to send home his starting left-back Domenico Criscito due to his arrest by carabinieri for his involvement in the match-fixing scandal rocking Itlian football yet again (Yawn).

Playing a functional 3-5-2 due to the absence of many players, and positioning De Rossi as a new centre-back, Prandelli and Italy rode their luck in the second half against Croatia yet were convincing against Spain and Ireland. For once we saw an ambitious Italy rather than a simply efficient one, and the sight of Marchisio and Pirlo playing together in the centre of midfield attests to that desire to play expansive football. Shame Thiago Motta is there though.

And with Cassano and Balotelli playing up front together we now possess one of the most entertaining teams on the continent.

Italy finally playing expansively: a joy to behold. A dark horse for the rest of the tournament.

Best Quote: "We don't think there will be a 'biscotto' this time. Spain are world champions, they have too much class to do any deals." The Italian team pissed off at the suggestion of a 'biscotto' (nickname for unedr-hand deal) between Spain and Croatia that would have seen both these teams go through. Italians victims of under-hand deals. Isn't half of their team used to it anyway? Why the indignation?

How is a biscotto an appropriate synonym for under-hand Maffia-style dealings? We don't get it either.

Best Moment: Leonardo Bonucci shutting up Balotelli after the striker scored a glorious goal against Ireland and felt vindicated in his 'style' of play.

Grazie Leonardo!

Star Player: Andrea Pirlo. The metronome of this Italian team. Capped off a couple of fine performances with a superb free-kick against Croatia; Despite looking 45, Pirlo managed to boss play against Spain. Not a mean feat when you're playing in a 3-man midfield and one of your partners is Thiago Motta. A great player.

Pirlo: the metronome of the team. even though he doesn't actually run that much

Worst Player: Mario Balotelli. Lazy, petulant. A striker who doesn't make any runs. A great goal, but it won't hide his abject performances. Possesses outstanding entertainment value though. The Charlie Sheen of itnernational football.

Rating: B

                    SPAIN


Boring, boring Spain. This is what many 'pundits' would have you believe. Probably not as good as their 2010 version, Spain nevertheless dispatched a sorry Ireland by teaching them an absolutely frightening footballing lesson, and controlled their game against Croatia. The best team of this group, and yet they are somehow flying under the radar.

The talk of 'we shouldn't be so worried if we end up meeting them in the quarters' by Lineker and co smacked of idiocy. They had just slated a Spain team which qualified top of the second hardest group of Euro 2012 by only conceding twice and scoring six. Disregard them at your peril. Spain are still incredibly good.

(On a sidenote, could we please stop being bewildered by Del Bosque's decision to play without Torres a few times. The lack of a traditional Number 9 works for Spain, and it'd be great if commentators and pundits woke up to that. The game against Croatia was a perfect example of that. So please stop being so backwards. Football has evolved, and let us reiterate that it works for Spain!)


Oh yeah, and they still have Mata, Llorente, Cazorla, Fabregas, Pedro, Navas and Javi martinez to come off the bench. Just saying.

Not good enough to start. Think about that for a sec.

Best Quote: "I've decided to play a 1-0-10 with Reina in centre midfield." Del Bosque decides to try something new as his players get bored playing 'traditional' football (imaginary quote).

Best Moment: The goal against Croatia. An exquisite chip by Fabregas, followed by a perfect touch and pass by Iniesta into the path of Navas who decides to emphatically smash it into the top corner from 2 yards out.

Navas's finish: absolutely unnecessarily beautiful

Star Player: Andres Iniesta. Hard to pick one out, but as Iniesta goes, so does Spain go. Their main man, even though he plays on the wing.

Worst Player: Gerard Pique/Sergio Busquets/Alvaro Arbeloa: hard to pick one, but these three players have not been particularly impressive. Busquets slows play down, whilst Arbeloa and Pique haven't looked at their best defensively.

Rating: B. Spain top the group, smash the record for passes in one game, and play incredible possession football and yet we still give them a B. Just goes to show what we've come to expect from these footballers.




                    ANOTHER GREAT MOMENT


We harp on about the quality of the punditry at Euro 2012. Whilst there is no point in even mentioning ITV's coverage (hated by everyone, can't believe they still insist on Adrian Chiles and Clive Tyldesley), BBC was hot and cold.

Mark Bright was on top form. Trying to tell us for 90 minutes that a certain Mandzuko was playing up front for Croatia was a good start, and showed a superb disregard for the basics of phonics. But our personal favourite was his particularly astute comment regarding Del Bosque's decision to take off Torres for Fabregas, a gamble which (obviously) ultimately paid off. Baffled by the substitution of a classic Number 9 who had done nothing whatsoever and clearly wasn't in synch with his team, Bright told us: "It looks like Del Bosque wants to reinvent football by playing a central midfield player up front!".

Ever heard of Barcelona, Mark?

Mick McCarthy, on the other hand, was a delight. Clearly uninterested in the beauty of the game, Big Mick (can we call him that now?) spent the game having a go at lazy Italian players (i.e. Balotelli) and incompetent Irish players (i.e. Ireland). His commentary on Balotelli's goal was absolutely glorious.

                    TEAM OF GROUP C