Wally with a Brolly

1) Damn, it's on ITV. That means Adrian Chiles, Gareth Southgate, Lee Dixon and Roy Keane. Talk about mediocrity. When will they learn?

2) We're already into the second game of World Cup Qualifying! Didn't Ukraine-England take place yesterday during the Euros? Do these guys ever stop? Am I getting close to an overdose of football? 

3) Is this really the best England has to offer? Is that their actual bench? Wow.

With hindsight, it was probably fitting that ITV were the broadcasters for tonight's game. After all, when you propose mediocre/awful punditry and presenting then you only deserve an average team. And that's exactly what we got.

Now I don't think I need to explain how dreadful ITV is. I mean, two of their star pundits were shocking managers and poor at international level (Southgate for obvious reasons, Keane for committing the ultimate sin of giving up on his country) and the new arrival (Dixon) left MOTD because he couldn't dislodge Alan Shearer of all pundits! And the least said about Adrian Chiles the better.

Now let me get to England. I have to say I am a fan of Roy Hodgson. This is probably, deep down, due to my Fulham bias. But I appreciate what he's got to work with. Between the natural lack of quality players at his disposal (only 32% of starters in the Prem are English) and some players' shocking attitude (hello Carrick and Crouchy!), the man has had more problems than many other managers.

But it is time England fans wake up and realise that their team has goals which they will not attain any time soon. In fact, except if England 'does a Greece' (cue shudder due to realisation of Greece's win at Euro 2004), I feel confident in saying that England will not even be serious contenders until at least World Cup 2018. That is because England are in a transition and their fans/journalists/pundits are delusional regarding the new crop of talent coming through.

Even though I had thought about it, this realisation struck me as I was watching The Footballers' Football Show on Sky Sports. Despite its early 90s-NBA program-look the show raises interesting points and brings together interesting characters who make astute observations. Glenn Hoddle was there last thursday and basically complained about the way young players are trained in the UK.

"But wait, England has a couple of exciting, amazing youngsters!" Let me set things straight; England has decent young players. But so do many other countries. And please tell me how many of them start for their teams. The most talented (and mercurial) of them all can't even get a game for Chelsea at the moment. And yes, that's Daniel Sturridge I'm talking about. 

Tom Cleverley? Overrated after only a few games for Man Utd. Was badly outplayed against Southampton, when Man U only started playing well once Scholes came back on. 

Ryan Bertrand? Played well in the Champions' League but still not a starter for his club.

Oxlade-Chamberlain? Not a regular yet.

Danny Welbeck? Not gonna play much this season.

Phil Jones? The guy needs to learn the basics of defending first.

Jordan Henderson? OK, that one's a stretch. He's not even better than Jonjo Shelvey. And that's saying something, even though I have a soft spot for the bald midfielder.

Am I harsh? Certainly. After all, there is no shame playing second fiddle to players like Ashley Cole, Scholes, RVP, Rooney and Walcott. Actually, there's a lot wrong being second choice behind Walcott, but that's also down to Wenger's weird obsession with playing the ex-Southampton man.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that young English players get an over-hyped reputation once they start playing a few games for big teams. 

I understand these players are young and need time, and that is what Roy would be doing in an ideal world. But he also to blood them early due to the lack of any decent experienced figure to guide them along. 

Because where are all the golden oldies of (ironically) the ex-'Golden Generation'? What has happened to them? And didn't they also fail at international level as well? So how would these guys be great examples?

It is now only down to Lampard and Gerrard to guide the England youngsters, and that is both reassuring and scary at the same time. Reassuring because Gerrard has proven his leadership in the past and Lampard is still producing at a high level and has had the merit of adapting his game. Scary because they don't have much left in the tank, especially Gerrard (we'll get to that point later).

And where else is leadership and mentoring going to come from? Terry? Ferdinand? These were world class players. But notice the use of the past tense.

Who else then? Jagielka? Lescott? Johnson? These men have never been and never will be great international class players. Whilst they have been decent, England shouldn't actually ask them to pass on the torch and take added responsibility.

The only outfield world class player England now possesses is Ashley Cole but he is no leader, we all now that. And yes, I'm not counting Rooney as world class. the man has never taken over Man Utd and that's due to a lack of accountability on his part. Despite his super-sized ego Rooney will never lead his own team. And, considering his habit of failing in the big moments, especially at international level, that's perhaps for the best.

So, with that in mind, the near future is bleak for England, and tonight's performance demonstrated it. But with the right manager in charge, and with time, better times will come. But England fans be warned: out of the current crop of youngsters I don't particularly see one becoming world class. I sincerely hope I'm wrong as we're getting closer to 50 years of hurt.

THE LINE-UPS

ENGLAND: Worryingly, this was probably the best team Roy could put out. Organised in a 4-4-1-1 with Cleverley playing behind Defoe, this team clearly had the Hodgson feel. Playing deep, with wide midfielders asked to help with the defending, which explained the selection of Milner, England set out exactly like at the Euro. Considering they had (luckily) beaten Ukraine in that very tournament, it was probably wise on Hodgson's part. Not exciting, not particularly confident considering you're playing at home, but wise.

Cue the usual England performance: 

- An inability to keep the ball, 

- Defensive midfielders (Gerrard and Lampard) who don't know and don't actually try to defend and cover their defenders,

- Glen Johnson bombing forward and forgetting to defend, 

- Centre-backs looking to pass the ball to their midfielders who don't come to help and

- Gerrard trying a long ball every 2 minutes

Whilst the tactics weren't that surprising, I was nevertheless myself a bit baffled by some of the players on show and on the bench. Tom Cleverley hasn't really set the world alight for Man Utd but is starting. James Milner has been poor and has lacked imagination for Man City yet  started. Players like Adam Lallana and Raheem Sterling are very young and inexperienced even at Premier League level. So why isn't a player like Nathan Dyer, who has been on fire for Swansea this season, given a chance? After all, he's only been part of the best passing team in the country for the last year or so. Surprising.

Similarly, why bring back a disgruntled Carrick when this was the perfect game for him to showcase his talent? Say what you say about Carrick, but the man knows how to position himself and is 200% more tactically aware than Gerrard in the deep midfielder role. And he doesn't mind covering his defenders. 

Despite his statements to the contrary it seemed as though Roy Hodgson had partially succumbed to calling the big names rather than call players on form and/or ability. And it showed.

UKRAINE: I'll be the first to admit that I don't know much about Ukraine and many of their players. But I did remember a few things from the Euros:

1) Their wingers are dangerous and combine well with their wing-backs.

2) Serhiy Nazarenko is my favourite bald player with Jonjo Shelvey.

Unfortunately, whilst we didn't get to see much of Nazarenko, the first point happened throughout the game. Konoplienka and Yarmolenko were dangerous throughout and their 5-man midfield controlled the game, if not in terms of possession then surely in terms of protection and counter-attacking fervour. If you're Oleg Blockhin that's all you're asking of your team when playing away at Wembley. A shrewd set-up and defined tactical plan by Blokhin to make his team hard to beat.

THE GAME

So here are our conclusions:

* If England had a typical England game, then Gerrard had a typical Steven Gerrard game. And that's not meant to be a compliment when I'm talking about the 'looking-seriously-washed-up' version of Stevie G. Whilst you can't complain about his commitment and wilful running throughout the game, Gerrard demonstrated everything that was wrong about his game. The Liverpool captain provided no cover to his defenders, lost the ball countless times trying numerous Hollywood balls and even managed to get sent off stupidly. Yes, stupidly. Because, when you're already on a yellow (which could have been a red), you don't go diving in like that. And that's what irks me with Gerrard; he enjoys the 'statement' plays. So he'll never track his man throughout the game but he'll put in a big tackle to show his commitment. It'd be fine if he wasn't letting his player go 99% of the time. A match to forget for a player who looks more and more like he's lost in a deep midfield position.

*Another player who had a typical game was Glen Johnson. I have been a staunch defender of Johnson in the past and I do feel that he ahs never actually let England down. But tonight epitomised Johnson at his worst. The right-back was out of position numerous times, rarely tracked the exciting Konoplienka and didn't defend properly. Sure, he wasn't at fault for the goal or any truly dangerous plays. But he probably deserved to due to his lazy efforts on the defensive front.

* I would honestly love for there to be some sort of consistency when it comes to diving. Of course Yarmolenko faked an injury and got a perfectly good goal disallowed. And he was rightly castigated by a quite fair Tyldesley who himself surprisingly balanced out the cancellation of Defoe's goal with a reminder of Devic's own disallowed goal at the Euros in a rare show of objectivity. But can we also call a dive a dive when it's done by an English player? When Welbeck clearly dived in a very Pires-like fashion around the 80th minute, the first assumption by Townsend was the classic argument of 'he's been too honest and it's gone against him', which somehow only seems to be levelled at English players. However, when replays showed that Welbeck had shamelessly dived, both commentators kept quiet. I'm personally getting tired of that discrimination which happens every week-end. English players dive: we've all seen Gerrard, Rooney and now Welbeck do it. So can we please call them out when they do it?

* This was a great chance for Leighton Baines to show that he wasn't strictly a very good Plan B to Ashley Cole. Unfortunately the Everton man was poor. Curiously jaded, and afraid of Yarmolenko running behind him, Baines stuck to defending and didn't even do it all that well. A strangely subdued performance, and Leighton lost a lot of points. Hodgson's decision to replace him with Bertrand was telling.

* Defoe was nowhere to be seen apart from his disallowed goal. It's telling that he's the only real striker England have: his link-up play was awful and he never really made a run at the cumbersome Ukrainian centre-backs. Surely the criticism levelled at Darren Bent can also be aimed at Jermain: if he doesn't score he will bring nothing to the game. Tonight, that was clear for all of us to see.

* Similar to my position on Johnson, I had been a staunch defender of what Milner brings to the team. Tonight however, he was very poor. No creativity, no width, no dangerous passes and not even great cover on Konoplienka. Very poor.

* You look at how England players play, and no wonder they can't keep the ball. Whenever Lampard and Gerrard dropped deep to get the ball, they would just pass it back and start running. Look at Spanish players; they pass the ball and look to get it back in their feet in return. They also don't run 10 miles away from the ball carrier. No good options and no tactical awareness means no good passing. Until English players comprehend that they need to offer solutions to the ball carrier (and by solutions I don't mean a 45 yard pass) then the England team will be condemned to lose the ball. Compare that to a lesser Ukrainian side which never really panicked when in possession.

* Similar to the diving incident, can we please hand out the Man of the Match award to someone who truly deserves it? Lampard was decent in possession and scored a pen, but Konoplienka was everywhere throughout the game and was the most dangerous player on both sides. He, and not Lamps, deserved the man of the match award. And his goal was a peach.

* The Konoplienka goal, if I'm being picky, was the epitome of how Hodgson's approach can backfire. By defending deep and not offering decent protection to his defenders in the middle of the park, Roy leaves England at the mercy of a decent long-range strike. And boy was that one more than decent.

* Let's give Roy credit where's due though: his substitutions were spot on and quite brave. Whilst the introduction of Bertrand was negligible apart from a statement aimed at Baines, the arrivals of Sturridge and Welbeck livened up England. Full of running, unafraid of taking on defenders, and with a decent physical presence combining pace and power, both strikers became a handful for a tiring Ukraine defence. Whilst his dive is unforgivable, Welbeck was the catalyst for England's good reaction in the second half. If only these two were regulars for their clubs.

* Seriously, Livermore, Lallana and Sterling on the bench? A combined total of 36 Premier League appearances. And that's 28 for Livermore only. Scary.

* Konoplienka and Yarmolenko were just superb. Cutting inside and opening space for their wing-backs to burst through (especiallt the impressive Gusev) or taking players on on the outside, both wingers were imperial and tormented Baines and Johnson. They were good at the Euros and impressive tonight again. It'd be good to see what happens to them in the near future. There are certainly worse players in the Premier League. Even players like Walcott don't show the same appreciation of when to cut inside or go on the outside. 

* Konoplienka is not only good on the ball but boy can he run! The man took on Johnson and made him look like a very slow Paul Parker-esque version of a right-back. Impressive.

* Whenever I have seen Pyatov play he has looked like a disaster waiting to happen. But tonight the goalkeeper was solid and his save to deny Johnson was superb.

* How good was that miss by Tom Cleverley? Open goal and all he could do was shoot straight at Pyatov. Despite ITV's duo's attempts to condemn Defoe for an admittedly bad header, this was a shocking miss by an overrated player.

* Can anyone please tell me when Tymoschuk was actually meant to be class? Of course he's old and slow now, but who convinced Bayern to spend so much on an average holding midfielder? Tonight he played second fiddle to the impressive Rotan in midfield.

PLAYER RATINGS

ENGLAND

HART: A solid performance. The Manchester City goalkeeper didn't have a lot thrown at him but did well when asked to actually do something. He could do nothing for Konoplienka's wonder goal, but the good sign is that he seems to exude confidence and his defenders trust him. And that can only be a good thing. 6/10

JOHNSON: As mentioned earlier, a typical 'Liverpool Johnson' performance. Poor defensively, he never found the right balance between bombing forward and staying back. He simply couldn't handle Konoplienka. Good going forward, but that's to be expected if he doesn't spend any time defending. Drew a good save from Pyatov. 5/10

JAGIELKA: Didn't actually have too much to do but tried to do it effectively and cleanly. A laboured start with a few passes going astray, but he grew in stature. Still not particularly impressive but he didn't make major mistakes. To his credit he tried to keep the ball but never really had good options to pass to. 6/10

LESCOTT: Was solid apart from his misplaced pass straight to Yarmolenko which later led to the goal. Continued on his run from the Euros but looked a little less assured. 6/10

BAINES: A strange subdued performance. Poor going forward and found Yarmolenko to be a handful. A night to forget. 4/10

Replaced by Bertrand who didn't actually do too much.

MILNER: A poor performance by a player who seems to become less technically astute week in, week out (admittedly I didn't see the Moldova game). He didn't really help Johnson out on the defensive front either. His critics will say that he shouldn't start. On this evidence, they have a point. 3/10

GERRARD: A sub-standard performance from the captain. We already touched on it, but Gerrard was wasteful and didn't offer any good solutions. He was also a headless chicken throughout the game, never playing intelligently enough to help out his defenders or attacking players. Meant to be the shield and link between defence and attack, the Liverpool player failed in both aspects. 3/10

LAMPARD: Definitely didn't deserve to be named man of the match, but the Chelsea man has definitely adapted well to playing the deep midfielder role. Compare that to Gerrard. An effective if not flashy performance. A solid penalty as well. 6/10

OXLADE-CHAMBERLAIN: The young man (as Ray Wilkins would say) showed his age in an underwhelming performance. He didn't really help out Baines with dealing with Yarmolenko, and he never seemed particularly dangerous on the ball. 4/10

Replaced by Sturridge who made a clear difference. The arrogant Chelsea man took on his defender with aplomb and put in several dangerous balls into the box. Lively and creative, he helped destabilise a tiring Ukrainian defence. 6/10

CLEVERLEY: Didn't offer anything apart from his howler and another chance gone begging. Did well to hit the post but seemed to constantly lose the ball. 2/10

Replaced by Welbeck who was the catalyst for England's reaction. Produced an outrageous dive but also real moments of quality, and he deserved to be awarded a penalty in his favour. A definite option for England as his movement and power make him a good target man. 7/10

DEFOE: A disallowed goal and then he disappeared. No link-up play and few good runs. I guess it is hard to perform when you're not given any good balls to run on to, but the Spurs striker was poor and didn't get involved. 4/10

UKRAINE

PYATOV: Reliable, serious and solid. Didn't have too many saves to pull off but he did produce a good one from a Glen Johnson low strike. Directed his defence well and seemed to be a more assured presence. A good game. 7/10

GUSEV: Solid defensively and enthusiastic going forward, the right wing-back put in a good performance, especially in the first 20 minutes when Ukraine were all over England. Pressed hard, held his own and helped out going forward. Gusev found the balance Glen Johnson didn't. 7/10 

KACHERIDI: Quick to hit the floor when touched by Defoe, but the tall lanky defender put in a good performance. Headed and cleared everything out, and wasn't afraid to pop out of defence to get the team moving. A good match only tarnished by his handball which led to England's penalty. 6/10

RAKITSKIY: The other half of a solid partnership at the back for Ukraine. Didn't put a foot wrong all game.  7/10

SELIN: Found Johnson to be more of a handful than Milner and wasn't always helped by Konoplienka. A serious, solid performance even though he didn't venture out of defence too much. 6/10

Replaced by Shevchuk who helped Ukraine weather the storm.

TYMOSCHUK: Slow, cumbersome, wasteful in possession, the Bayern Munich man seemed past it tonight. 3/10

ROTAN: Impressive stuff from the midfielder. He controlled the tempo in the first half, rarely wasting possession and probing forward a few times, bursting past Gerrard and Lampard on regular occasions. More withdrawn in the second half as Ukraine protected their lead and hit England on the break, but Rotan shielded his defence effectively and without fuss. A very effective and impressive performance. 7/10

Replaced by Nazarenko. Always good to see his bald head, but only came on in the 90th. Not enough time to shine (apart from his shiny bald head, obviously).

GARMASH: Solid stuff from the midfielder. Didn't spend much time in the limelight due to his defensive job but did everything well. Tired as the game drew to a close but he protected his defence well. 6/10

YARMOLENKO: Outrageous play-acting aside, the winger was a thorn in England's side throughout the game. He combined extremely well with Gusev in the first half and gave Baines fits. A very impressive performance. 7/10 

KONOPLIENKA: The obvious man of the match, despite what ITV says. Constantly running at Johnson (when the England right-back wasn't out of position), Milner or Jagielka, the Dnipro man (who plays for Juande Ramos, as Tyldesley repeated 74 times) was superb. His pace and creativity proved dangerous all game long and he scored a sublime goal. Won himself a lot of admirers for his old-fashioned wing play. 8/10

ZOZULYA: Full of running and tried to help his team out defensively. Fed off scraps but still caused problems to Lescott and Jagielka. Perhaps should have done better with a late chance but he clearly wasn't as lucid as early on due to tiredness. 6/10

Replaced by Devic who only came on for 2 minutes and didn't have time to prove anything.