Wally with a Brolly

As the season draws to a close and football dominates our screens nearly every day of the week, we're going to try to make this a regular feature, with the hope of this carrying on to next season. Expect the undoubted bias and personal grudges which Bappo has always demonstrated, just like the rest of the team.

Sunday

Super Sunday. Or the usual orgy of football on Sky Sports. I had decided to Sky+ 'Goals on Sunday' even though I hadn't watched MOTD for obvious reasons (Hansen, Lawro and Shearer? A close second to the ITV trio in boredom and lazy nonsense). This was to save myself for the gluttony of football to be aired for the rest of the afternoon.

And I wasn't disappointed. Spurs-Man City was a delight, but also a microcosm of both teams' seasons. First half clearly displayed City's potential awesomeness and why they won the title last year. Tevez was full of running, Yaya was beasting everyone in midfield, Kompany was assured and the defence was solid. Tottenham, on the other hand, were unsure and losing confidence. Bale was struggling, and Adebayor was doing everything in his power to remind us of how absolutely useless he is once he's signed a new contract. It was a classic case of Spurs feeling sorry for themselves as the season comes to a close.

He can afford to smile now.

And then the second half started, and Spurs, turned into a 4-3-3 by the underrated tactical genius that is AVB, suddenly looked inspired and dangerous again. Dempsey, Bale and Holtby constantly changed their positions after being granted more freedom, and Spurs were in the ascendancy. Of course, it really helped that Bobby Mancini seems to have an unexplainable faith in Gareth Barry, surely the most immobile and one-dimensional central midfielder in the country (can't run, no right foot), and that Yaya Touré decided he couldn't be bothered anymore. Add to that Gaël Clichy's impersonation of Patrice Evra (the Premier League's laziest left-back when running back towards his goal) and it was a recipe for disaster for Man City.



City were torn apart by Spurs' enthusiastic running, and we once more got a glimpse of the exciting talent Tottenham have. AVB has changed many things at the club, but the biggest hurdle is the underdog mentality. When on fire like in the second half, Spurs are scary, and probably the best, most complete attacking side in the country. Change the mindset and you should have a title contender. For Bobby, it was another reminder of his own players letting him down. He's also been the architect of his own downfall this season: there was no explanation for signing Scott Sinclair in the summer, and his appearance was just comical. I'm not even sure he touched the ball. All in all though, a very pleasant game, and another sign that AVB is guiding Spurs in the right direction.

I then settled down to watch the Liverpool-Chelsea game, or the return of Rafa Benitez to Anfield. Yawn. If ever we saw that Rafa is an opportunistic potato, it was that game. Contracted to Chelsea, but open to offers from everyone. He milked that applause and it couldn't have been more obvious had he shown a 'Hire Me' sign to everyone. Desperate stuff.

'Which shirt am I holding up?'

Always good to see for me is John Terry on the bench. After his usual vomit-inducing declarations during the week ("There will be no frustrations publicly"), the man clearly pissed off Benitez who rightly reserved younger, more focused players for the tie. As to why Gary Cahill is still at the club, I'm constantly flabbergasted.

Rafa's only positive move at Chelsea.

Liverpool, on the other hand, clearly thought this was going to be an easy win. Otherwise, how would you explain the presence of Jordan Henderson AND Stewart Downing in the starting XI? I mean, Downing's been ok. But Henderson as the central attacking midfielder, when Coutinho is also starting? That's borderline criminal.

We were treated to the usual Liverpool: good on the ball (except for Henderson), relatively solid, but so dependent on Suarez for a spark it's not even funny anymore. People talk about the Messi dependence at Barcelona (which is only partly true), but Liverpool would be just above Stoke were it not for Luis Suarez. No joke.

The first half was, frankly, quite boring. Apart from Oscar's decent header, nothing really happened. Decent possession from both sides, but that was it really.

The second half was much better. The introduction of Sturridge obviously helped. Of course. What were you thinking Brendan, you football philosopher? And to sacrifice Coutinho instead of the hapless Henderson? Shocking. But at least Sturridge came on, scored and shifted the momentum.

It was then Suarez's game from then on. From handling the ball to give away a penalty to biting Ivanovic to finally scoring a 97th minute goal, it was all about Luis. In all fairness, the game probably deserved a draw.

Now let me get to Suarez's 'incident'. I didn't see it to start with, and even after seeing it, I can't say I totally cared. The most stupid part for me? Biting Ivanovic. Not the act of biting itself. Simply the targeting of Branislav. I'm sure Suarez forgot, but Ivanovic is a Serb. You simply don't mess with those guys. No kidding. They're tough. Suarez escaped a big one. And you know what I liked most about all this? Ivanovic not even uttering an 'Ow' and getting on with the game with absolute professionalism. Superb.

Woof

What DID annoy me though, was the the constant patronising and moralising which followed on the screen. Flanked by the useless Jamie Redknapp and the very good Souness, Ed Chamberlin clearly wasn't interested in talking about a game which had had great football-related incidents. I mean, a 97th minute goal? Exciting, right? No, not to Sky.

Jamie started straight away with the moralising, with his argument that Liverpool was seen as a reference in the world for its values, similar to Barcelona. Apart from laughing at the notion that Liverpool are seen as similar to Barcelona, I was shocked by the hypocrisy of it all.

The master of double standards and lazy punditry.

Don't get me wrong, Suarez's act was bad. Biting??!! What the hell? Souness put it perfectly by saying kids in prams bite at everything that come their way. Because that's what it is in the end. Biting. It didn't kill anyone. I'm pretty sure Haïdara would have preferred being bitten by Suarez than assaulted by McManaman. Just saying. A bite is not going to end your career. A bad, reckless challenge will.

Not only that, but I don't remember people being so vocal when Roy Keane ended Haaland's career. That was premeditated career murder. At least GBH. But here's Roy, still seen as one of the greatest (jokes) and a regular pundit. Despite having committed the most despicable act a footballer can ever do. Oh, and in related news, Joey Barton is still playing football. When he should be in prison.Just saying. The only difference between them and Suarez, apart from precedence, is that Suarez is not British/Irish. We don't have that proximity to him. Ergo, he's the devil incarnate. Shocking double standards.

Yeah, that's not worse than a bite. Roy's a legend, you know.

The moralising was an easy way out for both pundits. Especially as they're both ex-Liverpool players, just like Lawro and Hansen on the BBC. Seriously, what's up with that? Will we have unbiased opinions if they both represent the club?

A hypocritical ending to a great afternoon of football.

Monday

The Luis Suarez story keeps going on, along with the FA's sudden realisation that they'll have to ban him but that, whatever decision they take, they'll be heavily criticised for it. Never a win-win for the FA.

Meanwhile, football goes on, with the Man Utd-Aston Villa game. We all knew how that would end. No point in watching that game. Villa are relegation candidates, and they're going to Old Trafford. of course they're going to fold. Only 3 teams really go for the win at Old Trafford every year: Chelsea (because they can), Man City (because they should) and Spurs (because they're carefree). All other teams come in with a defeatist attitude. That includes Arsenal and Liverpool. I don't care what Fergie says about it. In fact, I don't care what Fergie says about anything.

So it wasn't a surprise to see Villa not even put up a fight. It also wasn't a surprise to see RVP grab all the glory and guide Utd to the win. Whilst I mentioned the Suarez dependence above, Man Utd wouldn't have been close to the title this year without RVP.

The reason Utd won the title.

Rooney? Please. And his stint in central midfield doesn't mean anything. he's not good enough to play there. Ferdinand? Who bailed Utd out at the start of the season when they were leaking goals left, right and centre (remember the 3-2 against Southampton? I do). Giggs? The fact he's still playing is an insult.

I know the numbers say otherwise, and that, somehow, Man Utd have roller-coasted their way to the title. But they have probably been the most functional side to do it since Mourinho's Chelsea. No inspiration due to the absence of wingers, no engine in midfield apart from Carrick (second to RVP in influence) and a shaky defence. I'm saying it through gritted teeth, but that's been one hell of an achievement by Fergie, who really is one of the best managers of all time, even if he's never revolutionised the game in ways Rinus Michels, Johann Cruyff or even Pep Guardiola have. But in terms of man-management, he's the best. After 'Arry Redknapp of course. Only joking. This title is as much down to Ferguson as it is down to RVP.

I seriously dislike Man Utd and Fergie, but I couldn't help but be impressed by their achievements this season. And then Evra got a plastic bloody arm out of nowhere and bit on it. And then Rio blurted out that 'Man Utd won it the right way, not on bloody goal difference.' And then I realised why I hated that club. Stay classy, Man Utd.

Stay classy Patrice.

Tuesday

Barcelona get taught a lesson, and football 'fans' rejoice at their demise. Idiots.

I've been dismayed by the constant 'Barcelona are boring' point of view. People who say that don't appreciate football for what it is, and certainly don't appreciate the level of perfection Barcelona have achieved over the years. I understand success breeds dislike (just ask Man Utd), but people should appreciate what Barcelona have brought to football in general.

Guardiola's revolution has brought to us a change in football philosophy across the world. Do you think teams like Blackpool, Swansea and Brendan Rodgers (surely a team on his own) would have adopted such pleasant types of football had they not seen Barcelona constantly winning that way? And isn't the Premier League, and football in general, better for it?

In 2004, AC Milan and Juve faced each other in the Champions League final, and managed to play out the most boring of games, settling it on penalties. Less than 10 years later, all four Champions League semi-finalists played vibrant, attacking and technical football, whilst teams like Malaga and Galatasaray proceeded to do the same. THAT's Barcelona's legacy. So please, some appreciation.

Having said that, I was delighted to see Bayern win that game. They've found the perfect balance between a core of homegrown players, both from the club's youth set-up (Alaba, Lahm, Schweini) and the Bundesliga (everyone else apart from Javi Martinez, Ribery and Robben). Sure, they pay a lot, but it's local. That's to be appreciated.

And it was a deserved success. Bayern pressed high, were strong in the tackle, and played the ball intelligently, mixing intricate play with direct football. Dante and Schweinsteiger in particular were the impressive underrated players in that game.

Dante: underrated. Great piece of scouting by Bayern.

People are surprised, but why? Bayern have been the most consistent team in the Champions League over the least couple of years. This was their 3rd semi-final in 4 years, with two of them ending in finals, including one they should have won, and certainly deserved to. So why were they always considered longer shots to the trophy than Man Utd (eliminated by the weakest group last year), Man City, Arsenal or Chelsea, who all combined to be quite dreadful. Yes, even Man Utd. It's biased and probably untrue, but I can say what I want.

As for Messi, he clearly wasn't 100%, and he was suffocated by the Bayern pressing. Does that take away all of his accomplishments? People have short memories.