Wally with a Brolly

1- Man City - West Ham. We've gone through Arsenal last week, now name who you'd get rid of at Man City after a disappointing season, and who you think should arrive.

Chaka Demus: Given the enormity of their squad, this could be quite a long list; however, I am just going to name the players that I know and should leave. Defenders: Richards, Maicon, Toure, Lescott - whilst the middle 2 might not be the youngest anymore, they are still all too good to be second team players. Midfielders: Sinclair, Rodwell - serves these 2 muppets right for going to Man City that they have sat on the bench all year but it is now time for them to leave with their tales between their legs. Forwards: Dzeko - is a very handy striker when he wants to be and like the others I have named, shouldn't be sitting on the bench waiting for an injury/change of formation to have a run out.

Who do I think should arrive? Zlatan - I'd love to see the big fella in the Prem. I know it won't happen though. It depends on who leaves but I think maybe a centre back to keep Kompany company (wahey!) and also a striker - Falcao?

Appropriate that he posed in the changing rooms.

Cam: Out – Kolo Toure, Barry, Nasri, Maicon, Tevez, maybe Dzeko and Lescott because they don’t play enough.

In – Lewandowski or Falcao, Isco, Bale, Chiellini, De Rossi all possibilities

Panth: Flotsam and jetsam could be City's new nickname. Perhaps an ornate, once glorious, piece of furniture now redundant and a little ragged could be their mascot. With this in mind Nasri, Dzeko, Barry, Clichy, Kolo T and Maicon to start.

True competition for Tevez and Aguero, more midfielders and a goalie to bring the best out of Hart.

Did I mention get rid of Nasri. The man offends me. He has such incredible talent but spends most of the time looking pedestrian!

Football Tom: The single biggest reason behind Man City's disappointing season has been their poor transfer dealings over the summer. Bar Nastasic - an inspired piece of business, none of the players who have come in have made a large impact. City's initial focus should be ridding themselves of deadwood. Scott Sinclair had an excellent maiden Premier league season but should find another club - for his career's sake and for City's. Maicon is past it and should leave. City also play their best football when they have a technical, fast and flexible font four (Nasri, Silva, Tevez, Aguero). For this reason, I believe Dzeko, despite his obvious abilities, should move to a club more suited to his style of play.

In terms of signings, City should focus on strengthening in the middle of the park and on the wings. Barry is getting older and Rodwell, as of yet, is not developing into the player he promised to be 3 years ago. Diame or Etienne Capoue  could be good cheapish options..If Sheikh Mansour is willing to open the chequebook, then Wilshere, Vidal or Rossi could be worth a bid.

Offensive strengthening is also on the cards - Robben is apparently available following Bayern's purchase of Gotze and I feel he still has a couple of good seasons left in him. Cavani seems to have been on the verge of signing for City for the past 18 months and could bolster their attacking options if Dzeko was to leave. Either way, there is little doubt that City will need strengthening (properly) in the summer months.


2- Everton - Fulham. Leighton Baines has been sensational this season. Do you think he'll stay at Everton next season, or will he move? If he does move, where do you see him ending up?

Chaka Demus: He'd be great at Arsenal but will they displace Monreal? How many more seasons does Patrice Evra have in him? I think Baines would be dynamite at Man Utd. Having said that, I think he is proud to be an Everton player and if Moyes stays and is given a bit of money to raise the overally quality of the squad; I think Leighton will stay.

Cam: He has had a top season and I do think he’ll move on to a Champions League side. I know Man U are keen, City and Tottenham will also probably make an offer. I can’t see him going abroad, although he’s definitely good enough.

Panth: A disgrace he wasn't among the player of the year list. Who did Hazard have to pay to get in there. Extremely talented player and has had good games this year but too inconsistent to be in the top 5 players in the league. The man basically hibernated once it got cold.

I guess someone always has to lose out. But It's just a shame they can't choose more than a token gesture from outside the top 4 and that was always going to be Suarez (rightly so).

Hard to say where he will go. Tottenham perhaps, possibly United? I wouldn't say no he'd be an improvement on Evra and with a few more years in him

The man needs to stop taking fashion and grooming tips from Bradley Wiggins he can't pull it off. Silly mod.

Wiggo looks good. Leighton? Not so much

Football Tom: It's testament to Ashley Cole's quality - evident once more in the midweek Basel game - that Baines is yet to impose himself as a regular England international. He creates more chances than any other defender in the Premier League, and his understanding with Piennar down the left side of Everton's attack is a joy to behold.

I believe he'll still be at Everton next season - Leighton is a bit of a home bird and apparently suffers from home sickness. He just seems so settled at Everton it's hard to see him leaving.

If he can manage to venture beyond Merseyside however, United seem an obvious destination. Evra has had a mini revival this year, but one still feels that left back position is up for grabs, especially considering that Buttner is far from the finished article. I'll be surprised if Ferguson doesn't buy another left back this year, and that left back could be 'Bainesy'.

3- Wigan - Tottenham. Martinez vs AVB. Who would you rather take as your new manager, and why?

Chaka Demus: Very good question. I think it would depend on the team they were managing. A struggling/developing team - Martinez. A team with a higher standard of players - AVB. It's hard to judge Martinez on what he would be a capable of with a top-10 side.

Cam: I’m a big fan of Martinez. I have been for a while and the way in which he has got Wigan to the FA cup this season is incredible. Hopefully he keeps them up and then gets the bigger job he deserves.

A lot of love for both

Panth: I think AVB has to have the edge purely because of a broader experience working within top class clubs. Although I do have a soft spot for Martinez. In a world of ranting managers, questionable player actions he on the whole comports himself well. Right so shag AVB, marry Martinez and knock off Benitez...

Football Tom: Great question and two very, very good managers.
AVB and Martinez share several characteristics: both place an emphasis on possession football played on the ground and usually favour a high line and pressing defensive game (sometimes to their expense, as Villas Boas discovered at Chelsea).  Refreshingly, they also show very little bias or prejudice in their player selection: age, nationality or reputation don't come into the decision process. If you're good enough, you'll play for them.

It's a difficult one. AVB has a marginally superior CV, especially on the European scene. His exploits at Porto were breathtaking. By the time he left, they were genuinely one of the top sides in world football (admittedly having Falcao in your team helps). Martinez has done more in England as his achievements with Wigan should not be understated. Ultimately, my decision would be based on the club in question. If I was a mid table team looking to push on, i'd plump for Martinez. If I were a side outside of the BPL I'd opt for AVB.

4- Stoke - Norwich. If they both survive, which team will struggle the most next season?

Chaka Demus: Sadly, I think Norwich will struggle the most...

Cam: Stoke’s dip in form has been worrying. Pretty much since the turn of the year, their form has nosedived. They were never the best away from home, but Fortress Britannia is not what it used to be and I do worry for Tony Pulis’ men.

Tony's keeping the hat on because he's losing his hair

Panth: I fear for Stoke. It feels like they have been found out a little this year, while also a suffering a slump in performance level. Perhaps if Pulis brings in new blood it might give them fresh impetuous. Otherwise they are certainly my choice of the two.

Football Tom: Stoke. I think teams are starting to figure them out, and beyond their brand of hoofball they have little to offer. Their win against QPR has probably kept them up, but I foresee a difficult season ahead.

5- Southampton - West Brom. Shane Long is one of those strikers who does a lot but isn't prolific. What do you make of these players? Any other come to mind?

Chaka Demus: I would take a Shane Long over a Mario Balotelli any day. The main man would be Dirk Kuyt - "HE WORKS HARD, BUT HE'S RUBBISH!". Loud Jon at his very  best. I would also say James Milner.

Cam: True he works hard… Emile Heskey springs to mind? Although he is apparently tearing up the A league!!

Emile: a tough act to follow for Shane Long.

Panth: It really reflects the almost autistic view we have of strikers especially in this country. I think he's a good player who will probably always be slightly underrated outside the circles inhabited by football aficionados.

Football Tom: I remember the unprolific but selfless centre forward being incredibly en vogue in the early to mid noughties, but seems to have died out in more recent years as managers, unsurprisingly, seem to have collectively decided that they want goals from their attacking players. This has partly to do with changes in formation: 4-5-1 is less popular now than it was 5-8 years ago, and partly to do with an overall shift to more offensive football (except Stoke).

A couple of examples immediately spring to mind: Heskey was a willing runner at Liverpool and perfect foil for goalhanger Mickey Owen, who got all the plaudits. As a Fulham fan, I also remember Zamora having a couple of successful but unprolific seasons where he was excellent at bringing people into play, but less good at sticking the ball in the back of the net.

But as Bappo has mentioned, the unprolific striker could be making a comeback. Shane Long always performs impressively despite rarely scoring, and Danny Wellbeck - despite obvious technical qualities - scores much less than he should.

6- Newcastle - Liverpool. We're going to make it simple. Luis Suarez: should he stay or should he go?

Chaka Demus: I think it's time for Luis to pack his bags to be honest. The Evra thing was bad enough but biting another player is just inexcusable. If anyone else in any other walk of life were to do that in any public place, you'd be arrested. Given that he's now banned until September; I don't think we'll be seeing him in the Prem next season.

Cam: Let’s put his biting, diving, racism and all round despicable behaviour to the side. He is a top quality player and will probably join a Champions League side when the transfer window opens.



Panth: Stay. He's pure box office. I want my football to reflect both the good and bad. It's what makes the game so endlessly interesting. Who wants a sanitised sport. Every sport has its scandals but football is particularly good at it.

Furthermore we all need a hate figure to rally around and spark debate. Am I going to talk about the rise of the inverted pyramid as the new tactical touchstone or the emergence of high pressing defensive formations while having a pint? No. I'm gonna talk about Suarez acting like a dick. 

7- Reading - QPR. Both are going down. Which one would you take next year in the Championship if you could manage one or the other?

Chaka Demus: I would take Reading as they are a team and a club with some kind of integrity and determination. QPR are an embarrassment.

Cam: Good question. Maybe QPR because although they will lose a lot of players, they do have a good financial backing from Mr Fernandes who does seem to be in it for the long haul. Cue him and Harry to bail once they get relegated…

Fernandes: consistency in being a clown.

Panth: Reading seems a far better run football club so I'd go with them. I respect that. QPR may have a seemingly bottomless pit of money. But who would be surprised if the arse falls out from under them.

Tony Fernandes seems to have a penchant for developing failing sports teams. Anyone who watches F1 will know how he's guided successive teams to last in the championship. The man has consistency i'll give him that...just the wrong kind.

Football Tom:  Reading, without a shadow of a doubt. They know the Championship, the type of players and tactics needed to get promoted from it, and they budget sensibly. QPR are simply a shambles: no apparent strategy, a lack of leadership, and a collection of individuals rather than a team. Tony Fernandes may know how to run an airline, but so far he he has proved less than adept at running a football club.

8- Chelsea - Swansea. This fixture will be remembered this year mostly for the ball boy incident. Which other moments do you remember as being outrageously stupid this season (or in the past)?

Chaka Demus: The Darrent Bent beach ball goal still makes me laugh every time I see it. The Graham Poll 3 yellow cards. That Frenchman, Cantona, karate kicking a Palace fan all those years back. Those are 3 that come to mind...

"Next one and you're off"

Cam: Ball boy incident was a shambles. Also the beach ball against Liverpool last season. Overall this season will end up being remembered for racism, an inconsistent FA and biting.

Panth: How about that classic doubles match of Jens Lehmann and Didier Drogba VS gravity and shame. Who'd have thought the underdogs would have won that match up. Football and its reputation really struck a seam of shit that night.

Thankfully my faith in football was reaffirmed when photos of Lehmann and Drogba sharing a beer at Oktoberfest were published in 2011. Throw in the fact Drogba is kitted out in Lederhosen and you have one of the most glorious photo series since Hugh Hefner managed to convince Cindy Crawford posing for Playboy was a good career choice.

Wow.

Football Tom: Well, one very recent moment springs to mind… Suarez carnivorous assault on Ivanovic defied belief (seriously… who bites someone!?-) and is probably the single most shocking moment of the season so far. It'll be interesting to see what Wally thinks of the 10 game ban handed to Liverpool's star striker, and whether it will affect Suarez' decision in the summer.

Bar those two incidents however, I can't think of too many outrageous moments in the BPL this year. We've had a couple of good ones with Dortmund in the Champions League, but all in all it's been two admittedly outrageous moments rather than a cascade of incidents.

But if you're looking for outrageously stupid acts in football, you should really focus your attention on a different continent. Here are a couple of incidents from the past couple of years in South America
- An Brazilian goalkeeper linked with AC Milan is arrested for the murder of his lover
- A Colombain defender kicks the team mascot, a living owl and promptly sparks a mass brawl
- River Plate fans unveil the longest football flag in the world, over 7km in length

Que loco! Luis would feel right at home.

9- Arsenal - Man Utd. Once deadly rivals for the title, how big do you think the gap is between these two now?

Chaka Demus: Pretty vast. Men against boys. I'd like to see Arsenal win this weekend but I don't think they will. Looking forward to hearing RVP's welcome back to the Emirates!

Cam: The gap is big. Arsenal must try and bridge it with a few top signings this summer. Spend some cash Arsène and don’t even think about selling Wilshere to Man U!

"Please love me when I come back. Just because I won something shouldn't make you hate me..."

Panth: Champions!! I could mention the fact Giggs has won as many titles as Arsenal but that would confirm how annoying all Man Utd fans are (we definitely are). Regardless though united are streets ahead. Van Persie's move is symbolic of the two clubs current positions. Arsenal may narrow the gap next year but they certainly won't bridge it.

The moment on Sunday where arsenal clap united on to the pitch while forming a guard of honour will be a depressing sight for Arsenal once great challengers of ours. In all seriousness I do miss those halcyon days when United-Arsenal games were like watching two finely poised and highly skilled ballet dancers kicking the shit out of each other with dynamite tipped shoes. 

Football Tom:  Large but not insurmountable. I am starting to wonder whether I might be the eternal Arsenal optimist, but in my mind the north london club has all the foundations to succeed: a sustainable financial model (a la Dortmund/Bayern - very 'a la mode' at the moment), a great academy with a large catchment area, a large London and international fan base, regular Champions League participation… Current players at the club aren't quite world class and it's been ages since they've won a title, but with a couple of key signings (please, please buy a recognised goalkeeper Arsene) they could compete.

We have to acknowledge that a large psychological barrier now seems to engulf the gunners, but none of these are unconquerable - just look at Spain, once perennial underachievers and now the biggest force in world football. All it takes is one moment, one title, and Arsenal could get their mojo back. In Arsene I still trust, just.


10- Aston Villa - Sunderland. If both teams survive, which one do you see progressing the most next season?

Chaka Demus: Sunderland. Unless Villa spend, spend, spend over the summer!

Cam: Villa are a very young team but Paolo really seems to have revitalized and rejuvenated the Black Cats. I can see him bringing in some big signings and building a solid squad which will be aiming for the top half of the league next season.

Still a mixed reception for Paolo.

Panth: Aston Villa. Hopefully. I dislike everything Di Canio stands for and I think (hope) it will all implode at some point. He can galvanise over the short term and can ride high on the new manager bounce but I'm sceptical over the longer term.

This comment of course now means Sunderland will push for a Europa league place next year.

I like what Paul Lambert is doing with Villa. He has had a lot to contend with given the club was stripped of most of its assets in the last couple few years. Villa better hope Benteke stays or all their young players come through ad hoped otherwise it would be another tough year for them.

Football Tom: Villa's young team are obvious candidates , if only because their team is a lot younger, and therefore has larger potential to grow. For many of Lambert's players, this was their first senior season, never mind first season in the Premier League: it was bound to be a daunting experience. Sunderland's case is more complex, their squad is older and seemed jaded, especially under MON. Both teams will need to add to their squads in the summer, but add in very different ways. Villa need an injection of quality and experience; Sunderland an injection of energy and creativity.