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Thursday 4 October 2012
The A-Z of French mediocrity: D-F
16:48 | 
Posted by
Bappo |
I'm going to be honest. Reading the list of French players who have played in the Premier League over the years makes me cringe. As the first part of the list showed, for every Cantona there is a Boumsong. It's not very inspiring.
Anyway, here is the follow-up to the list: we're heading into D-F territory. And, somewhere, Desailly and Distin feel aggrieved at the following players harming all their good work.
OUSMANE DABO
'The man who got beaten up by Joey Barton' is how Ousmane Dabo will forever be remembered. And somehow that's sort of appropriate. Dabo actually wasn't such a bad player; he played sparingly for Inter, Parma and Monaco before becoming an undisputed starter at Atalanta and Lazio. He even had 3 caps for France in 2003 so the man can't have been a bad player. Signing him on a free in 2006 when Dabo was still only 29 was therefore a bit of a coup for a struggling Man City. But it's fair to say that Ousmane didn't set the world alight during his time there, even prior to his 'confrontation' with Barton. Injured, out of form, slow, Dabo was quickly becoming surplus to requirements anyway. Still clearly traumatised by the assault he suffered at the hands of that scum, he left to go back to Italy in 2008, quickly becoming an important squad player for the Italian club.
Dabo is an example of a signing which made sense at the time yet didn't bear fruition. Disappointing for all parties involved.
STEPHANE DALMAT
Stéphane Dalmat is another case of what could have been for a talented French player. By the time he turned 22 he had already played for Lens, PSG and Marseille. At PSG he had come under the tutelage of Ali Benarbia, who Man City fans will remember fondly. At 22 he was already a semi-regular at Inter. An all-action midfielder, he was destined to have a great career. And then poor career choices ruined it all.
One of those choices was Tottenham. Still only 24 when he joined on a season-long loan, Stéphane announced himself to the White Hart Lane crowd with a string of beautiful goals and decent performances. And then he disappeared. This would happen regularly throughout his career as his presence at 11 different clubs in a 14-year career testifies. It was a shame really. Dalmat was exciting on the ball and quite versatile, with the ability to play anywhere across midfield. A missed opportunity for both Dalmat and Tottenham, but most importantly for football.
JEAN-CLAUDE DARCHEVILLE
One of the earliest memories I have of watching the Premier League live was when my dad took me to see Chelsea-Nottingham Forest during the 1998-1999 season. I remember vividly the sight of a slightly voerweight yet pacy striker named Jean-Claude Darcheville scaring the life out of Frank Leboeuf. Sure he was fat, but he could run. And he could also miss open goals. 16 games and 2 goals for a poor Forest side, the guy clearly wasn't Pierre Van Hooijdonk (remember him?). Jean-Claude clearly didn't set the world alight but, typically, he actually became a decent player in Ligue 1 after that. He even scored the winning goal in the French Cup final for Lorient. This led to one of the best moments ever associated with football. Please watch the video below. Honestly, it's brilliant.
BERNARD DIOMEDE
L'Equipe is the most famous French sports newspaper that exists. It's a reference in France and generations upon generations have enjoyed reading their reports. L'Equipe also has a cruel streak, as evidenced by its continuous backstabbing of Aimé Jacquet prior to the 98 World Cup which ended up hitting L'Equipe hard as the French manager led the national team to glory. Similarly they have been vociferous in their targeting of several French players such as Nasri, Ben Arfa and Menez and so were more than happy when they misbehaved at Euro 2012. L'Equipe has agendas and can be a very cruel player in the press game in France.
They were particularly cruel in 2004. After Zidane's retirement from international football, L'Equipe quickly established that only one of the 1998 World Cup winners hadn't officially retired from international football. So they called up Diomède and embarrassed him. The man had become a laughing-stock and ranks, with Guivarc'h, as one of the shock names when people mention the France 98 winning squad.
But it was typical of Diomède, and his time in England demonstrated why he had become such a joke. After 8 years at Auxerre where he had combined effectively with Steve Marlet and won the title in 1996, Diomède decided to take the plunge by joining Liverpool in 2000 at the age of 26, a perfect time to prove himself at the highest level.
Two games. Two games! That's all we saw of Diomède in the Premier League before he returned to France and distinctly average Ligue 2 sides (Ajaccio, Créteil, Clermont) and retired at the grand age of 32.
Despite his good times at Auxerre he will forever be considered a joke, even in France. So his time in England must rank as one of the most embarrassing tenures for a player of his 'calibre'.
MARTIN DJETOU
Djetou's career is so similar to Christanval's it's not even funny any more. The two actually were team-mates at Monaco and won the Ligue 1 title in 1999. Both were touted as the next Desailly by French fans and actually had a few France caps. Both eventually joined Fulham, albeit at different times. And both were equally unimpressive during their time there. It's not so much that Djetou was a poor player. Nobody quite knew where he played. This positional limbo (are you a centre-back? are you a holding mid?) meant that he excelled at neither. It is testament to his average play for Fulham that the Whites were happy to bring him back for a second season on loan but weren't inclined to actually sign him permanently. And let's just say his time at Bolton (3 games) didn't cast him in the best of lights. A truly forgettable player.
DIDIER DOMI
Didier Domi used to be quite good. I know, what a shocker. Seriously, he really was an up and coming player in the late 90's in France. He had actually managed to burst onto the scene at a still very good PSG and had nailed down the left back position for two full seasons there. It actually came as quite a shock when he left, aged 20, to join Newcastle. Blighted by injuries despite a promising start he left in 2001 to return to PSG. Not such a bad player you might say. His time at Newcastle wasn't actually so poor as he still seemed to hold quite a lot of promise. Unfortunately, and perhaps unfairly, I don't really remember much of his time with the Geordies.
What I do remember however are his awful performances on loan at Leeds during the 2003-2004. Admittedly the team itself was quite poor (hello Salomon Olembe and Roque Junior!) and definitely wasn't the worst of that bunch, but Domi still stunk the place out.
Last we heard of him he had been released by New England Revolution. Sigh.
JULIEN FAUBERT
Where to start with Julien Faubert? After a decent spell at Bordeaux where he somehow (hello Raymond Domenech) won a cap and even scored on his debut for France, Julien decided to move to the Premier League and West Ham for £6.5m. Originally touted as a right-winger, where he had played for Les Girondins, he moved back into the right-back slot. Needless to say it wasn't a success. Sure Faubert had pace and a decent cross on him, but his defensive aptitudes were horrendous. Especially for a player who cost that much. Of course it doesn't help when you're lining up next to James Tomkins but still!
And then came the shameful moment of when a desperate Real Madrid took him on loan. it ranks as one of the strangest moments of world football and is rightly emblematic of Faubert's career: we thought he was good but he turned out to be rubbish. He now plies his trade for the mighty club of Elzigspor in Turkey.
Of course one of his team-mates is Amr Zaki. Typical.
FABRICE FERNANDES
Fabrice Fernandes spent time in prison not long ago for fraud. Such a mess when you consider how exciting he was at Southampton under Strachan. For 91 games and 4 seasons at Southampton he was the South Coast club's version of Laurent Robert: a left-winger dedicated to creating opportunities for himself and totally uninterested in even remotely tracking his man. It was pure poetry in motion as the man would continue to try ridiculous flicks, a small minority of them actually coming off. Before moving to Southampton, he had actually set the world alight for Fulham in the old Division 1, partnering Saha, Boa Morte and Sahnoun to glory.
I actually have fond memories of Fernandes and I believe Southampton fans do as well. Not so much a failure as a case of 'what could have been'. He still delighted us though.
MARC-ANTOINE FORTUNE
I had a mate at school who had just come from France and a town called Brest. He made two outstanding statements in 2004. He told me about two players from the Brest team (at the time in Ligue 2) and told me one would play for France and the other would play for a big club. The first one was Franck Ribéry. The other one was Marc-Antoine Fortuné. With hindsight I don't know whether my mate thought West Brom were a big club (certainly bigger than Brest!) but let's just say that he was 50% right. So what can we say about Fortuné? I'll give you stats: 9 goals in 63 Premier League games for West Brom. You know when sometimes people tell you stats don't show the whole picture? Well, in Marc-Antoine's case, they'd be wrong.
A bull of a player, with good pace and strength, Fortuné really should do better. Except he severely struggles in the 'controlling the ball' part of his game, which is a bit prejudicial for a Premier League striker. A decent squad player but nothing more. And what are people going to say he is Fortuné-te? Too much? I thought so.
Anyway, here is the follow-up to the list: we're heading into D-F territory. And, somewhere, Desailly and Distin feel aggrieved at the following players harming all their good work.
OUSMANE DABO
'The man who got beaten up by Joey Barton' is how Ousmane Dabo will forever be remembered. And somehow that's sort of appropriate. Dabo actually wasn't such a bad player; he played sparingly for Inter, Parma and Monaco before becoming an undisputed starter at Atalanta and Lazio. He even had 3 caps for France in 2003 so the man can't have been a bad player. Signing him on a free in 2006 when Dabo was still only 29 was therefore a bit of a coup for a struggling Man City. But it's fair to say that Ousmane didn't set the world alight during his time there, even prior to his 'confrontation' with Barton. Injured, out of form, slow, Dabo was quickly becoming surplus to requirements anyway. Still clearly traumatised by the assault he suffered at the hands of that scum, he left to go back to Italy in 2008, quickly becoming an important squad player for the Italian club.
Dabo is an example of a signing which made sense at the time yet didn't bear fruition. Disappointing for all parties involved.
 |
| Am I the only one who finds this photo sort of a sign of things to come? |
STEPHANE DALMAT
Stéphane Dalmat is another case of what could have been for a talented French player. By the time he turned 22 he had already played for Lens, PSG and Marseille. At PSG he had come under the tutelage of Ali Benarbia, who Man City fans will remember fondly. At 22 he was already a semi-regular at Inter. An all-action midfielder, he was destined to have a great career. And then poor career choices ruined it all.
One of those choices was Tottenham. Still only 24 when he joined on a season-long loan, Stéphane announced himself to the White Hart Lane crowd with a string of beautiful goals and decent performances. And then he disappeared. This would happen regularly throughout his career as his presence at 11 different clubs in a 14-year career testifies. It was a shame really. Dalmat was exciting on the ball and quite versatile, with the ability to play anywhere across midfield. A missed opportunity for both Dalmat and Tottenham, but most importantly for football.
 |
| Dalmat vs Traoré, or another example of French mediocrity all round. |
JEAN-CLAUDE DARCHEVILLE
One of the earliest memories I have of watching the Premier League live was when my dad took me to see Chelsea-Nottingham Forest during the 1998-1999 season. I remember vividly the sight of a slightly voerweight yet pacy striker named Jean-Claude Darcheville scaring the life out of Frank Leboeuf. Sure he was fat, but he could run. And he could also miss open goals. 16 games and 2 goals for a poor Forest side, the guy clearly wasn't Pierre Van Hooijdonk (remember him?). Jean-Claude clearly didn't set the world alight but, typically, he actually became a decent player in Ligue 1 after that. He even scored the winning goal in the French Cup final for Lorient. This led to one of the best moments ever associated with football. Please watch the video below. Honestly, it's brilliant.
BERNARD DIOMEDE
L'Equipe is the most famous French sports newspaper that exists. It's a reference in France and generations upon generations have enjoyed reading their reports. L'Equipe also has a cruel streak, as evidenced by its continuous backstabbing of Aimé Jacquet prior to the 98 World Cup which ended up hitting L'Equipe hard as the French manager led the national team to glory. Similarly they have been vociferous in their targeting of several French players such as Nasri, Ben Arfa and Menez and so were more than happy when they misbehaved at Euro 2012. L'Equipe has agendas and can be a very cruel player in the press game in France.
They were particularly cruel in 2004. After Zidane's retirement from international football, L'Equipe quickly established that only one of the 1998 World Cup winners hadn't officially retired from international football. So they called up Diomède and embarrassed him. The man had become a laughing-stock and ranks, with Guivarc'h, as one of the shock names when people mention the France 98 winning squad.
 |
| Wow. Just wow. Please appreciate Pegguy Arphexad taking centre stage. Beautiful. |
But it was typical of Diomède, and his time in England demonstrated why he had become such a joke. After 8 years at Auxerre where he had combined effectively with Steve Marlet and won the title in 1996, Diomède decided to take the plunge by joining Liverpool in 2000 at the age of 26, a perfect time to prove himself at the highest level.
Two games. Two games! That's all we saw of Diomède in the Premier League before he returned to France and distinctly average Ligue 2 sides (Ajaccio, Créteil, Clermont) and retired at the grand age of 32.
Despite his good times at Auxerre he will forever be considered a joke, even in France. So his time in England must rank as one of the most embarrassing tenures for a player of his 'calibre'.
MARTIN DJETOU
Djetou's career is so similar to Christanval's it's not even funny any more. The two actually were team-mates at Monaco and won the Ligue 1 title in 1999. Both were touted as the next Desailly by French fans and actually had a few France caps. Both eventually joined Fulham, albeit at different times. And both were equally unimpressive during their time there. It's not so much that Djetou was a poor player. Nobody quite knew where he played. This positional limbo (are you a centre-back? are you a holding mid?) meant that he excelled at neither. It is testament to his average play for Fulham that the Whites were happy to bring him back for a second season on loan but weren't inclined to actually sign him permanently. And let's just say his time at Bolton (3 games) didn't cast him in the best of lights. A truly forgettable player.
 |
| Martin Djetou jumping into Pierre Womé's arms. If ever there was a photo to symbolise the average foreign Premier League player it's that one! |
DIDIER DOMI
Didier Domi used to be quite good. I know, what a shocker. Seriously, he really was an up and coming player in the late 90's in France. He had actually managed to burst onto the scene at a still very good PSG and had nailed down the left back position for two full seasons there. It actually came as quite a shock when he left, aged 20, to join Newcastle. Blighted by injuries despite a promising start he left in 2001 to return to PSG. Not such a bad player you might say. His time at Newcastle wasn't actually so poor as he still seemed to hold quite a lot of promise. Unfortunately, and perhaps unfairly, I don't really remember much of his time with the Geordies.
What I do remember however are his awful performances on loan at Leeds during the 2003-2004. Admittedly the team itself was quite poor (hello Salomon Olembe and Roque Junior!) and definitely wasn't the worst of that bunch, but Domi still stunk the place out.
Last we heard of him he had been released by New England Revolution. Sigh.
 |
| Domi: a quiet force of nature. And a distinctly average footballer. |
JULIEN FAUBERT
Where to start with Julien Faubert? After a decent spell at Bordeaux where he somehow (hello Raymond Domenech) won a cap and even scored on his debut for France, Julien decided to move to the Premier League and West Ham for £6.5m. Originally touted as a right-winger, where he had played for Les Girondins, he moved back into the right-back slot. Needless to say it wasn't a success. Sure Faubert had pace and a decent cross on him, but his defensive aptitudes were horrendous. Especially for a player who cost that much. Of course it doesn't help when you're lining up next to James Tomkins but still!
And then came the shameful moment of when a desperate Real Madrid took him on loan. it ranks as one of the strangest moments of world football and is rightly emblematic of Faubert's career: we thought he was good but he turned out to be rubbish. He now plies his trade for the mighty club of Elzigspor in Turkey.
Of course one of his team-mates is Amr Zaki. Typical.
 |
| I don't know who's more surprised: Faubert or Alberto 'you dragged me out of my retirement home for Julien freaking Faubert!' Di Stefano? |
FABRICE FERNANDES
Fabrice Fernandes spent time in prison not long ago for fraud. Such a mess when you consider how exciting he was at Southampton under Strachan. For 91 games and 4 seasons at Southampton he was the South Coast club's version of Laurent Robert: a left-winger dedicated to creating opportunities for himself and totally uninterested in even remotely tracking his man. It was pure poetry in motion as the man would continue to try ridiculous flicks, a small minority of them actually coming off. Before moving to Southampton, he had actually set the world alight for Fulham in the old Division 1, partnering Saha, Boa Morte and Sahnoun to glory.
I actually have fond memories of Fernandes and I believe Southampton fans do as well. Not so much a failure as a case of 'what could have been'. He still delighted us though.
 |
| Head down looking at the ball: the typical Fernandes selfish stance. |
MARC-ANTOINE FORTUNE
I had a mate at school who had just come from France and a town called Brest. He made two outstanding statements in 2004. He told me about two players from the Brest team (at the time in Ligue 2) and told me one would play for France and the other would play for a big club. The first one was Franck Ribéry. The other one was Marc-Antoine Fortuné. With hindsight I don't know whether my mate thought West Brom were a big club (certainly bigger than Brest!) but let's just say that he was 50% right. So what can we say about Fortuné? I'll give you stats: 9 goals in 63 Premier League games for West Brom. You know when sometimes people tell you stats don't show the whole picture? Well, in Marc-Antoine's case, they'd be wrong.
A bull of a player, with good pace and strength, Fortuné really should do better. Except he severely struggles in the 'controlling the ball' part of his game, which is a bit prejudicial for a Premier League striker. A decent squad player but nothing more. And what are people going to say he is Fortuné-te? Too much? I thought so.
 |
| Marc-Antoine has just missed his 7th sitter of the game. It finally dawns on him that he's meant to be a professional football player. |
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