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Saturday 11 May 2013

Wally's Weekly Football Manchat: Kenny Jackett's risky gamble doesn't pay off

Last week, we started a weekly chat between Cam and myself. Several questions were sent to Cam every day about the main football topics of the day, just to gauge his reaction. This week, we're delighted to have welcomed Chaka Demus to the party. We'll try and keep this going as long as possible. In the meantime, enjoy.

Wigan-Swansea tonight [Tuesday]. And, if Wigan win this game in hand, they will be even on points with Newcastle, and close to survival. Do you think they can stay up? If so, who will get relegated? And which surviving team will have the better season next year?
 

Chaka Demus: Unfortunately I don't think Wigan will do 'The Great Escape' again. Their defensive errors on Monday were truly awful. A few of their players have really shined this year (Maloney in particular) and will surely leave over the summer - as will their manager, I hope, but overall they deserve to go down.

Gary Caldwell and Roberto Martinez might finally be caught out.


Surely Newcastle can't have such a shockingly bad season again? I think they will improve next year and get back to where they should be.

Cam: Massive game. I think everyone is going to be glued to the TV tonight to see if the Premier League's greatest escape artists can do it again. I'm hoping Martinez & Co can get the three points tonight, firstly because I love Roberto Martinez and what he has done at Wigan, but secondly because I would love to see the relegation battle go right to the wire. Plus, a lot of teams have had terrible seasons and rightly find themselves fighting for their lives. Newcastle for example have been poor especially when you look at their players (Krul, Coloccini, Gutierrez, Cabaye, Tioté, Cissé) and the season they had last year it really is inexcusable from the Toon. That said I would hate to see them get relegated as they are a massive club with great fans and unrivalled passion that befits the Premier League. For me Wigan can stay up but simply have to win tonight. As to who will get relegated, I honestly have no idea. Norwich, Newcastle, Sunderland, Wigan and Southampton are all bang in trouble and even Fulham and Villa are precariously positioned despite reaching the hallowed 40 point mark.

Bappo: Huge game for Wigan. Even if they lose today, I think there is a possibility (! Clive Tyldesley voice) that they can save themselves. Their last game is against Villa, and that will be a massive crunch game. Wigan have been there, done that and their players have no fear really, because they're not going to move clubs should they get relegated. None of them really are of Premier League quality. That is, except James McCarthy, Shaun Maloney, Arouna Kone and Emerson Boyce. One of those was a typo. The other thing going for Wigan is that the other teams around them are equally crap. I mean, Newcastle? What a shambles. I could see Sunderland sneaking into the relegation zone on the last day, leaving us with Paolo Di Canio reacting in a way we've never seen a man react before, and imploring La Mamma, Dio and Benito for help. Great, politically incorrect entertainment in store.



Bappo has a twisted desire to see this man's reaction if Sunderland go down.


Out of the surviving teams, I do see Villa as having the better season next year. Should they keep Bentekkers and Weimann, and with their youngsters gaining experience and progressing (particularly the impressive Lowton), they could make a decent climb up the table. Lambert seems to have turned things around, and the majority of the players seem to enjoy playing for him. Stoke, however, will go down. Good riddance to them.

Swansea have had a pretty great season. Do you think Michael Laudrup can recreate the same magic next year?
 
Chaka Demus
: I don't see why not. It can't be bad having one of the most majestic, skillful and graceful midfielders of all time as your manager, can it? They're a good group of players and when they can be bothered play very attractive possession football.

Cam: Swansea's success this season has been both surprising and impressive even if they appear to have taken their foot off the gas recently. Michael Laudrup has worked wonders and deservedly received a lot of credit as have many of Swansea's players. However, the biggest challenge facing the club is that infamous second season syndrome which will undoubtedly kick in around August time. The other Premier League clubs will have studied Swansea with interest this year and figured out what to expect and how to effectively combat their slick passing game. Plus they will probably lose a player or two this summer (Michu, Hernandez, De Guzman, Vorm, Williams…) and some players may be content to rest on their laurels as they have been following the Carling Cup success.


Look at that man. And you think Swansea can't keep up their success?


European football will prove to be a challenging distraction, Cardiff's promotion will add two hotly contested derbies to their fixture list, and I'll go on record and say that there is little to no chance of them winning any silverware next season. Plus in terms of improving their league position, I do not see them breaking into the top 5 (Man U, Man City, Chelsea, Arsenal, Spurs) and nor do I see them leapfrogging either of the Merseyside clubs. So without trying to come across as "The Grinch" I do not believe that Swansea's 2013/14 season will be as successful as their 2012/13 season and I unfortunately doubt whether this season's magician will be able to recreate the same magic next year. This is a shame because I have really enjoyed watching them play truly great football at times this season but as a realist, I just feel that they have exceeded their capabilities this season and will struggle to repeat this next year. Success is difficult to obtain but even harder to maintain.

Bappo: Why not? Although that might prove to be quite difficult. I'm torn between a prediction of seeing Swansea continuing to progress or expecting them to go down. Seriously. They're going to be stretched, and big players like Vorm, Williams and Michu might leave this summer. In any case, it'll be near-impossible for that team to keep up that level of performance. Michu won't score 20 goals again, De Guzman is only here on loan, and Boy Flowers won't perform like that again. Relegation might be a possibility, but I sincerely see them as having a drop-off. Expect a 12th or 14th place next season. Michael Laudrup is too good to take them down.

Sir Alex Ferguson's retirement: your view.

Chaka Demus: It has come as a bit of a shock, I must admit. SAF has been manager at MU since before I was born so it hard to imagine anyone else at the helm but I think Moyes is a very good choice. Deciding to retire in a year when your team has won the league with weeks to spare isn't a bad time to go either... He's not always been my favourite person and the word 'legend' is thrown about a little too loosely these days but you can't deny that he is a true great

Cam: I can't say I was surprised by this news to be honest. I mean come on it's been on the cards for a few years now. The man is 71 and in need of a hip replacement, he can't carry on forever. What did surprise me is the way everyone (the media included) has been so shocked, flabbergasted and devastated. Take a look at Peter Schmeicel's interview where he only just stops short of breaking down and crying! He is a great man who has worked wonders at Old Trafford and left a legacy that will probably never be repeated. He has at times worked wonders, he has won countless trophies and records and he will go down as one of the world's greatest ever managers. However, lets not forget the fact that his success did come at a price and he did spend and waste an awful lot of money including: £30m for Veron, £30m for Berbatov, £20m for Nani, £20m for Anderson, £20m for Hargreaves, £15m for Young, £15m for Valencia….

Do I have the utmost respect for him and what he has done for football and the Premier League? Yes.
Am I surprised he has announced his retirement now? No.
Wil I miss him? No.
Am I looking forward to seeing how Man U now evolve under a new manager (David Moyes)? Yes.
Was I pleased to see David Moyes get the job and be awarded a 6 year contract? Yes.
Do I think David Moyes has got a tough job on his hands? Yes.





Bappo: I've made my feelings clear here. It hasn't been a shock though. He's 71 and has dedicated his life to this club 24/7 for 26 years. That'd be knackering for anyone really. I can't say I'll miss him, what with his lack of grace and inability to genuinely take the moral high ground sometimes. The hardest thing for his successor will be to ensure that Man Utd still get preferential treatment from refs everywhere they go. Now THAT will be difficult.

Spurs-Chelsea tonight. If you had to pick a side from both teams, who would make it?

Chaka Demus: A team from Spurs and Chelsea - TOUGH:
Cech - Walker -Ivanovic -Vertonghen -Cole
                           Luiz
Hazard                Lampard                  Bale
                    Mata                Defoe

You guys are probably going to disagree with that but it's the best I've got just now - my subs bench is unreal though!

Cam: Chelsea & Spurs best team:

Cech, Walker, Vertonghen, Ivanovic, A Cole, Hazard, Mata, David Luiz, Lampard, Bale, Defoe

Bench: Lloris, Azpilicueta, JT, Dembele, Ramires, Oscar, Torres




There's love for Branislav from all of us. But then again, looking at that picture, why wouldn't there be?

Bappo: Definitely a tough one in my book, and I'll go for a good old-fashioned 4-2-3-1.
Cech in goal, even though I'm a huge fan of Lloris and think he'll become the Premier League's best goalkeeper in the next few years. but Cech is goalkeeping royalty.

In defence, Walker-Ivanovic-Vertonghen-Cole. Pretty self-explanatory here. Please don't kid me and put JT in there. He's not worth it anymore. And Gary Cahill is a bit of a joke. I'd obviously put Ivanovic as my captain. He's a Serb, so he's tough as nails. But he actually seems like a nice guy, and he's one hell of a pro! Just like a this reaction at the Suarez bite. Glorious.

In midfield, my two 'holding players' would be Sandro and Dembele. They have a good understanding, are both more dynamic than Lampard (overrated) and Mikel, and are technically better than Ramires. Sandro is one of the Prem's best shields, and Dembele one of the best dribblers from midfield and an underrated physical presence and tackler. They both offer more than all other central midfielders at Tottenham and Chelsea. Even Josh McEachran. I like David Luiz but he's not there yet. And he's incredibly lazy.

My three attacking mids would be Mata-Bale-Hazard, in no particular order or position. They'd be allowed to do what they want. Hazard is silky smooth and has had a better season than people think. Bale is Bale and Mata is Mata. Just please stop the 'It doesn't Mata to Juan that he's played so much' headlines. Oscar is not good enough yet and whilst I'm a big fan of Lennon, he's just not as good as the other three. But there's no shame in that. As for Dempsey, I used to love him at Fulham but he's just not good enough for this team. Same thing for Gael Kakuta. Actually, not the same thing for Kakuta. He's just crap.

Finally, up front will be Romelo Lukaku. Crap, I'm not allowed to put him in. OK, I'll settle for Jermain Defoe. He's better than Adebayor and Torres put together. That's an uninterested Adebayor I'm talking about. In terms of pure talent Adebayor is up there but he just focuses on his pay check. As for Torres, he's a shell of his former self, can't be bothered and simply doesn't have the same enthusiasm for goal that he used to have. I feel bad for Demba Ba but thre's just somethng in my head which tells me he's not as good as people think he is.

Surprisingly, McEachran is left out. £5 to any man who knows where McEachran is playing at the moment.


David Moyes: the right appointment at Man Utd?

Chaka Demus: A lot has been made over the last few days about Moyes not having won anything at Everton. I don't think that really matters given how he consistently over-achieved with regards league position and has finished above the red side of Liverpool for the last 2 seasons. The fact that mid-way through this season there was talk of Everton making the Champions League is astonishing. I think he is a very good appointment and will do great things at Man Utd - certainly very big shoes to fill though!

Cam: I was very pleased to see Moyesy get the job and the way in which he was swiftly awarded a 6 year contract demonstrates the faith shown in him by the club. The plan is that he carries on the SAF dynasty and while this is no small task, he is undoubtedly a top Premier League manager with a decade of Premier League experience and being a tenacious Scot he is clearly cut from the same cloth as Fergie. He has worked wonders with Everton and deserves his chance to manage a top club.

What does he lack? In my opinion David Moyes lacks a couple of things. European experience for starters and also that knack of winning games when your team's not playing particularly well, something which SAF absolutely mastered. However, Fergie will still be at Man U advising his hand-picked man as much as possible and lets give David Moyes a chance. It is harsh to compare his tenure at Everton to SAF's at Man U given the difference in resources as much as anything else. However, do I believe that Moyes will complete the newly signed contract and still be there in 2019? No. He has massive shoes to fill and the only way is down (not Essex).

How did this band of useless human beings end up being referenced on Wally?


Bappo: Call me harsh, but who else was going to come? Mark Hughes? Steve Bruce? Jose Mourinho wasn't wanted, mostly because he has an annoying habit of thinking he's bigger than the clubs he works for (seemingly true for Chelsea, where they've been begging him to come back, as shown by Lampard and Terry's continued forays into the press praising Jose. Funny it's happening at a time when they're becoming irrelevant for Chelsea), and Klopp loves Dortmund too much even though he fits the bill. I would have loved to have seen Man Utd go for someone like Pellegrini, who has all the right credentials. Carlo Ancelotti could have been a sneaky signing as he's a proven manager. David Moyes was the right choice in that context, and I'm happy for him. I think he'll do well although he's got big boots to fill. He's a proven Premier League manager, has worked long-term for a club, develops young players and Fergie likes him and will guide him early on. His lack of European experience doesn't worry me, as Man Utd are miles away from winning the Champions League. And it's not as if Klopp had huge experience before this season, and he's done ok hasn't he? I'm just disappointed for Kenny Jackett who took a huge risk by resigning from Milwall and thinking he was on the short list. Unlucky Kenny.

Jackett: big gambler. Didn't pay off. Obviously.


Leicester-Watford: who do you think will go through, and who do you want to see go through?

Chaka Demus: I listened to the 5 Live commentary of the game last night and Leicester were really on top. I am glad they got the goal at the end and would like to see them (against Palace) in the final. 8 of Watford's starting XI last night were Udinese loan players and I just don't think that is right - Ian Holloway had a good rant about this in January. If Palace were using that many players from another club to win us promotion, I would struggle to really get behind my team.

Cam: After Leicester won 1-0, this game is evenly poised and could go either way. I think Watford are the stronger team and I hope that they go through mainly because of my love for Gianfranco Zola, one of the greatest players to ever grace our shores.

Bappo: I'd like to see Leicester go through, and I think they will. Watford are hungover from that season finale and their keeper's slippery hands. And that's not even taking into account that Manuel Almunia is their usual keeper. Yikes. I like Pearson and he's bought British, whilst I think Zola is a bit overrated and is presiding over a team made up of Udinese loanees. They're just a more exotic Peterborough who, somehow, have ended up with a lot of Man Utd loanees. Just like Hull as well. Funny that. I think Leicester will go through, and look out for Anthony Knockaert, a young French U-21 who's done very well. He could be the key.

Knockaert: look out for him, says Bappo


Crystal Palace-Brighton: who do you think is the better manager between Gus Poyet and Ian Holloway, and who are the players to look out for?

Chaka Demus: I think right now that Ian Holloway is still the better manager of the two. Having said that, I think Poyet will become a better manager in the future with a few additional years of experience. Players to look out for: LuaLua, Mackail-Smith - Murray, Dobbie, Zaha, Phillips, Bolasie, Dikgacoi. I don't like our chances to be brutally honest but I am trying to remain optimistic.

Cam: Both great managers full of energy and charisma but I think Poyet has got more potential. Holloway has had his stint in the Premier League and I would like to see how Gus would fare in the top league. Players to look out for include Zaha, Mackail Smith, Vicente, Bolasie.



Gus and Ian sharing a giggle. Reports that this was based on a 'knock-knock' joke prove unfounded. Allegations that this laugh was at Wayne Bridge's career over the last 4 years are, however, not denied.


Bappo: I think Gus is the better manager, and the one with more potential. I've always seen Holloway as a likeable clown overrated for his time at Blackpool. Yes, they did play good football. Yes, it was brave. No they did not have any balance to their team. He's done the same thing at Palace, where his team can't defend. He's actually done quite poorly at Palace in all fairness. Players to look out for? Mackail-Smith, Barnes, David Lopez, Vicente and Liam Bridcutt for Brighton, and Zaha, Bolasie and Parr for Palace. It'll also be good to see how crap Wayne Bridge is now.

FA Cup final week-end: where will the game be won and lost for either team? And what is your prediction (actual score and scorers)?

Chaka Demus: The game will be won and lost by Wigan's defense as they are the weak link in the equation. Giving the ball away, stumbling over one another, being far too casual in front of goal, losing concentration at the wrong moment - these have been the causes of their current league position.

If their back 4 stay switched on it could be a reasonable game but I still think Man City will win at least 3-1. Scorers: Maloney (Wigan take a shock lead through a well-hit free-kick by the pint-size Irishman and the commentators start saying "Could it happen?" etc). However, the inevitable will happen and Man City score from the resulting kick-off. Yaya Toure loves an FA Cup goal so he'll get one. As will Zabaleta after running the length of the pitch he strikes a loose ball first time from the right channel about 25 yards out and nearly puts a hole in the back of the net. Joleon Lescott will then finish his playing days at City with a monstrous header from outside the box. Don't ask me how I know all this. I just do.


Lescott bearing the mark of that header Chaka Demus is talking about. You can't tell me no-one's ever made this joke before.


Cam: The game will be won by Man City as they are the much stronger team all over the pitch. In goal, defence, midfield and attack they are streaks ahead of minnows Wigan. As much as I'm rooting for the underdog, I just can't see Martinez's men doing it. Wigan's defence is not the best to put it kindly, they were a shambles against Swansea midweek, and City's midfield with the beast that is Yaya Touré will dominate the play.

I predict City to win 3-0, two goals from Aguero where he will dribble 4 players and scream it into the top corner and one from Yaya, a thunderbolt from outside the box after a 63 yard gallop. Wigan to lose the final I'm afraid then lose to Arsenal and need to beat Villa on the final day to have a chance of surviving.

Bappo: The game will be lost and won depending on Man City's players' moods. If they all behave like Samir Nasri, then it'll be a shock win for Wigan. If they all behave like Kompany, then it'll be a rout. City's team is just too good, and I fear for McCarthy against Toure. It will be 3-1 Man City: Aguero will open the scoring before James Milner adds a second through sheer hard work (what else?). Kompany will score a header before showing us his guns and making me feel overwhelmed by how awesome he is. With 5 minutes left, Nasri will try to dribble Al-Habsi three times over, will fall on his arse, Wigan will counter and Kolarov, who will have just come on, will forget that he's meant to be a left-back and will leave a gaping hole down his side. Arouna Kone will run into space, shoot 3 times straight at Pantilimon (Hart will be controversially dropped to teach him a lesson) before Franco di Santo swoops in and shoots wide. Except the ball will bounce off Kolo Toure (brought on for some unexplainable reason) and head straight into goal. Di Santo will earn himself a goal bonus and a summer move to Liverpool where he'll partner Borini in a new-look attack. Glorious.



                                           Exhibit A of why Wigan might be in trouble.
Thursday 9 May 2013

The GOAT? Fergie's legacy

The first English game I ever watched was the 1996 FA Cup final between Liverpool and Man Utd. The Spice Boys were playing, and so was Eric Cantona, who was the reason my dad had turned on the telly to follow the game.

Of course Eric proceeded to delight my father and scored a superb goal in the dying minutes of a tight affair, despite David 'Calamity' James' best efforts, and Man Utd lifted the trophy. Ferguson was already there, chewing his gum nervously on the sidelines and flashing his wide, unique grin.



1996, Fergie, a late goal and a Man Utd win. Not many things have changed since then. Except now he's gone. Wow.

As the 'surprise' announcement came through yesterday, there was the inevitable and deserved usual respectful reactions from the world of football.

But the issue of one's legacy is always a thorny one, especially in the football world where loyalty often blinds reason, sometimes to atrocious consequences.

And yet there is one thing on which we can all agree, even with the despicable partisanship which is actually omnipresent in football, and even though I write this through a clenched fist and gritted teeth: it is that Alex Ferguson was one of the greatest managers in the History of the game. Of that there is absolutely no doubt.

For we do not celebrate champions for their ability to impress us once. Sure, some are rightly lauded for their one-off accomplishments. But we consider to be the greatest, the sportsmen who consistently compete and win. Those guys truly capture our imagination. That's why Chris Hoy and Bradley Wiggins are such icons here in the UK. Both have won titles over different disciplines over a certain number of years. And both have done it cleanly, which is why Lance Armstrong will forever be denied entry into the pantheon of cycling.

Enjoy that throne Wiggo, you deserved it.


Another good example, and perhaps a better one (no insult to Wiggo or Sir Chris intended), is Michael Jordan. Why is he considered by a majority of fans to be what the Americans call the GOAT (Greatest Of All Times)? Because he won countless MVPs and 'World Titles' (aaah the usual American sports arrogance), was the leader of the Dream Team and helped define a generation of future basketball players and fans. Jordan was basketball.

The original GOAT


Now don't get me wrong; I'm not comparing Ferguson to Jordan. After all, at the end of the day, Fergie wasn't actually the one kicking the ball into the back of the net. Nor has he launched a sports shoe brand (although I'm eagerly awaiting that). But his constant quest for excellence and success at the top of his sport allows him a place not only in the pantheon of football, but maybe even that of sport altogether. If Michael Jordan was the NBA, Ferguson was Man Utd and the Premier League.

You need only look at one stat, one number: 26. 26 years at Man Utd. 26 years of commitment, every day, in making Man Utd the best club not only in the land, but in the football world. 26 years of constant thirst for success, of the pursuit of glory, of sustaining that desire, that energy and eagerness in getting the best not only out of himself but also the people surrounding him. 26 years of re-inventing himself, faced with the evolution of social and sports values and demands. I'm not quite sure people actually understand how difficult and tiring that is.

For, to me, those 26 years are more impressive than the '38' trophies (I count 'only' 24 trophies, because the InterContinental Cup, Supercup, Charity Shields and Club World Cups are just vanity trophies) won over that period of time, although these are undoubtedly memorable and unequalled. Maintaining that desire and thirst for 26 years demands not only great belief in one's self, but a total, exhausting dedication to your work.

For the world has changed so much over the past 26 years. The Berlin Wall fell 24 years ago. Ferguson was already there, although not physically in Berlin. The Internet started in 1992. Fergie was there. September 11 happened. Fergie was there. Hell, even Messi was born after Fergie took over. Damn.
Fergie taking a break from coaching to help bring the Berlin Wall down. He was already there you see.

Ferguson's adaptability is probably one of the most memorable features of his reign. He inherited a team of pub-crawling underachievers, and yet led them to success within a few years. And, despite that success, Fergie saw the rise of the Golden Generation and got rid of the old-timers, recognising the new fast-paced and more technical nature of the young Premier League. And when these players seemingly found the going tough and weren't up to it, Fergie re-invented again, bringing people like van Nistelrooy, Ferdinand and others. That ruthlessness in the search of success characterised Ferguson. His  ability to create new teams from 'scratch' was probably unparalleled.

But Fergie was also a visionary, and not necessarily in the footballing sense. Quickly aware of the growing popularity of the Premier League and Champions League, and with the advent of modern technologies which made broadcasting worldwide, Ferguson, along with Peter Kenyon, realised the need for his club to go global in a football world whose finances were getting out of control.

Fergie and Kenyon: the architects of Man Utd's, and football's, growing corporatism.


People have become fixated with the 'nouveaux riches' of the Premier League, what with the arrival of 'soul-less' teams in the shape of the newly successful Chelsea and Man City. But Man Utd were the first 'nouveaux riches' although, to their credit, it was of their own, conscious doing.

People have now accepted the concept of the Club World Cup, however pointless that competition is. And yet, in 2000, this showcase affair was in its toothing phase. Man Utd smelled an opportunity, and Ferguson was quite bullish in not giving a damn about missing the FA Cup for an opportunity to put the club on the world map. Have you ever complained about teams not caring about the FA Cup anymore? Man Utd started that trend with their 'shameless' desire for intercontinental exposure.

Fergie's legacy: Man Utd as the world's most-supported club.


Similarly, Man Utd were the first club to undertake what has now become a tradition for the big clubs; that is, the pre-season 'exotic' tour of Asia or North America. Once again, this had no football purpose: it was a strictly promotional endeavour. Call him a hero or a visionary, but Ferguson's recognition of the globalised appeal of football also led to the corporatism which has engulfed modern European football.

But there is no denying the impact Ferguson has had not only on Man Utd, where he changed the club completely, to football itself, and the image the sport portrays nowadays.

But leave aside the numbers and profit and loss column, and what of Ferguson's football legacy? We all  know success followed him all the time, but how should we consider him as a football manager in the strictest sense of the term?

There is no doubt that Ferguson was football's greatest man-manager and motivator (sorry to the self-proclaimed 'Arry). You only need to look at this year's title romp to realise the extent of his man-management skills. The 2012-2013 version of Man Utd was probably the worst I'd seen in a seriously long time, and yet Fergie coached them to run riot in the league, even approaching at one point the record number of points. Quite an achievement when Jonny Evans, Patrice Evra, Ryan Giggs, Antonio Valencia and Nani have played important roles. Quite an achievement indeed.

Man Utd's 2012-2013 version: the worst in a long time. A tribute to Ferguson's managerial skill.


However, Fergie wasn't the greatest tactician or talent spotter. Whilst he had serious cojones in promoting that famous Golden Generation, this had as much to do with the incredible level of talent produced by the Academy as it had to do with him particularly spotting those players. And his list of failed transfers is as long as that of successful ones: for every Carrick and Vidic, we also had Veron and  David May. As for his talismans, the only really superb piece of transfer was Ronaldo. Cantona and RVP were what I call 'obvious signings'. I understand the stupidity of calling an obvious signing an 'obvious signing' but these are so obvious I have to put it in the title.

Perhaps the thing that grates me more than anything is the idea that Ferguson assembled teams without any help. Call me ungrateful or harsh, but I vividly remember Man Utd being the first team to break the £50k a week barrier with Roy Keane. I also remember Man Utd being some of the biggest spenders of the late 90s and early 00s. Juan Seba Veron, van Nistelrooy, Rio Ferdinand and Wayne Rooney didn't come for free you know. Of course, that's also down to Ferguson's vision in helping make Man Utd the most visible club around the world, but it also shows that Utd were serious cash-splashers. Even in recent years, despite the Glazer mismanagement, Fergie has been able to dole out over £150k a week to Rooney and RVP. We're not exactly talking about paupers here.

Rio: still the most expensive English defender of all time. Clearly disproving the idea that Fergie created his teams out of nothing. Horrendous 'hair' as well.


Tactically, Fergie was a successful conservative. Long an adept of the 4-4-2, he eventually moved to a 4-3-3 when that became the norm. Fergie was no inventor of total football a la Rinus Michels, nor a creator of a high press line like Arrigo Sacchi. No, Fergie knew his men and had faith in his system. He was stubbornly successful but, from a purely footballing point of view, he was no revolutionary.

What we will remember Ferguson for was his iron will in victory and belief in his team. It's quite clear that success engenders luck, and Fergie had that as well. Fergie Time has been well established, but perhaps more importantly for Man Utd, Ferguson's men seemed to have the right slice of luck when they needed it most. I remember Bayern outrageously dominating the 1999 final and yet succumbing to two set pieces, hardly the stuff of convincing champions. I also remember John Terry slipping and hitting the post and, whilst I particularly enjoy that whenever I think of John Terry, it nevertheless was a sign that the gods smiled on Ferguson and Man Utd. Bitter? Perhaps. But luck is also an acknowledgement of success, and Ferguson drilling a never-say-die into his team had a lot to do with it.



Ferguson was a polarising figure. Man Utd fans understandably love him, and other fans' views of the man range from indifference to personal dislike. Whilst I never hated Ferguson, and whilst jealousy undoubtedly played a part in my feelings for this highly successful manager, I have nevertheless been disappointed by some aspects of his reign. His talk of values was conspicuously absent when he failed to condemn Roy Keane's challenge on Alf Inge Haaland, surely one of the worst acts ever committed on a football pitch. The reverential and submissive attitude the majority of managers held him in, whilst understandable, also created an emptiness in personality in the league which underlined why Mourinho was loved.

For, with his success came a bullying personality. Sure, Fergie was happy to help and act as a father figure. But he was condescending towards others who questioned his reign. His petty ban of the BBC for revealing bungs and preferential treatment handed out to his sons was also not emblematic of a man who liked to view himself as the benevolent father of the Premier League. His sudden public appreciation of Arsene Wenger, for example, only came once Arsenal became irrelevant. I had hoped that with age would came grace, whether in defeat or victory, and the ability to rise over football's innumerable petty matters. But that never came (although his reaction to losing the title last year was impressive), and whilst this can be explained by a determination to always be on top, it nevertheless disappointed me.

Jealousy and these darker aspects of Ferguson's time probably explain why I personally won't miss him now. But have no doubt that, deep down, there is an appreciation and a humble recognition of his achievements. And with that comes a fundamental value which is in short supply in football: respect. And there is no greater compliment than that.

Goodbye Sir Alex
Friday 3 May 2013

Wally's Mayday Round Table: Ludacris, Chiellini and George W Bush and no this is not a game of Shag, Marry, Avoid.


1.     Swansea v Man City

In spite of their amazing season, there is no denying that Swansea have taken their foot off the gas since their League Cup triumph. Was this inevitable or should Mr Laudrup and Co shoulder some responsibility for this sheer complacency?

CHAKA - I think it was inevitable really. They had their cup win and place in Europe next year sewed up and have checked out early. There wasn't much more for them to play for and that shows in their rather lacklustre performances since then. I'm not excusing it and I think Laurdrup should have done more to keep the momentum going because, as it stands, they will start next season very much on the back foot.   

KD - Swansea have undoubtedly performed incredibly well this season. I think it is to be expected to a certain degree; all the players are likely fatigued (there isn’t a lot of rotation in that very small squad!) and I think the early season efforts have taken their toll. For me, Swansea’s summer policy should be to add depth if they are to maintain their premier league standing.

BAP - Sure they've taken their foot off the gas, but what's the point in fighting for 8th rather than 12th? The financial differences aren't massive, and Swansea are already guaranteed European football next year. Considering they've basically been assured of Premier League safety since January, I think it's only fair that they've relaxed. Complacency? Sure, and I'm pretty positive even Laudrup himself has let himself go a little bit. Inevitable? Probably. But I wouldn't put it past Laudrup to have been planning for next season already whilst his players casually see the season out. Enjoyable for everyone involved.

Congratulations Michael but keep up the hard work!

2.     Fulham v Reading

Where are the key areas that Reading need to strengthen for next season. And which, if any, of their players do you think are good enough to playi in the Premier League next season.

CHAKA - I don't think they will necessarily need to strengthen next year. They are a competent Championship side and unfortunately therein lies the problem. They needed to strengthen before moving up to the Prem but didn't do so. I saw an interview with Adam Le Fondre this week and he stated his possible intentions to leave; however, do a few super-sub goals make you worthy of playing in the top flight? I have my doubts to be honest. 

KD - Pretty much all of them. This might be slightly unfair (I’m obviously just frustrated that we’ve been relegated – even if it was blatantly expected), but I am worried that some of the current players will not be up for the championship fight. I feel the most important transfer work Adkins and his team can do this summer is to recognise those players that are prepared to stand tall and scrap week in, week out and sound out the dead wood – the players on high wages that fancy one last pay cheque, a.k.a rinsing our parachute payments – and ditch them a.s.a.p. My initial attention is on Danny Guthrie and Pavel Pogrebnyak, and almost certainly Daniel Carrico! I do not think many of our players are good enough for the Prem; perhaps Jem Karacan and Adam Le Fondre. There is transfer mumbo jumbo surrounding Brendan Rodgers seeing Alex Pearce as an ideal replacement for Carragher. As a Reading fan, let me tell you, he is not. Alex Pearce is a very average defender, as are Sean Morrison and Adrian Mariappa. Whatever we do, we must keep Alex McCarthy at the club and in the first team. What a player!

Too much of this at Reading?

BAP - Reading were the Sylvan Ebanks-Blake of Premier League teams: great in the Champo, not good enough in the Prem. There's no shame in that, and at least they stuck to their beliefs, values and ideals. That's right QPR, that was a dig right at you. You deserve it. reading should be fine in the Championship. I don't think they'll go down again but they will struggle to go back up, simply because motivation will be hard to find again and the Championship is one of the most competitive leagues in the world. Reading won't lose a lot of players because none of them really belongs in the Prem, but they might need to freshen the place up a little bit. As for players good enough to play in the Prem, I just know some team is going to buy Adam Le Fondre, even though he has no Premier League quality. Whenever he's started a game this season, he's been shit. Honestly. I do think that Alex McCarthy in goal would be a good sneaky buy for some team ready to give a young English keeper a chance (West Ham? Jussi is class but getting old), whilst Jem Karacan has the quality to play for a team like Fulham or below them. Stephen Kelly has obviously got Prem experience, but I'm not sure he's good enough anymore. Someone will put in a stupid bid for Pav (heartstrings) Pogrebnyak even though he's been shocking. Finally, I hope some team like Utd or City put in a bid for Mikele Leigertwood. The boy is just class. That obviously was a joke. But don't put it past City: after all, they did buy Jack Rodwell and Scott Sinclair last season. We know how that ended up.

Bappo likens Reading to this man.



3.     Norwich v Villa

After their emphatic 6-1 win over Paolo “I’m a fascist, not a racist” Di Canio’s team, has the media been unfairly critical of Paul Lambert’s young, inexperienced and largely British team this season? Also is Benteke world class? And where can you see Darren Bent next season?

CHAKA - Something that has annoyed me this year is the excuses, as well as unfair media criticism, that have been made of the inexperience and youthfulness of Lambert's side. They are the first XI of one of the most established clubs in England and, in my eyes, shouldn't be judged any differently even if most of them haven't started shaving yet. What Lambert is starting at Villa is comparable to Rodgers at Liverpool, just with a far smaller budget. It is obviously going to take time but I think overall he is doing admirably well. 
At times they have been truly diabolical and at others magnificent - thanks in large part to the Belgian/Austrian pair up front. Any player that scores 18 (and maybe more) goals in his first season (one behind the PFA Player of the Year) in a very average, relegation-threatened side has had an extremely good year. Too early to say he is 'world class' but he certainly could be. 
Darren Bent is going to join Palace over the summer. He and Glenn Murray will be unstoppable in the 2013/14 season. Who needs Wilfried Zaha?

Great striker and he loves snowball fights - what's not to love?
KD – Benteke is unbelievable Jeff!! I love watching him play and score goals from positions and plays that many other strikers would not even see, let alone finish emphatically. I think he certainly has the potential to soon be considered ‘world class’ – the caveat being that he will need to maintain that form next season and onwards. Darren Bent for me is still a conundrum. When did he go from being a £24m striker to a warming the bench if he was lucky striker. I know what many will say: ‘he was never a £24m striker in the first place KD’, and yes you may be right, but he was certainly a bottom three starter. I can see him moving on but I can’t tell you where; back to Sunderland maybe? That’s my punt anyway. And back to the first question (sorry CAM), I’m not even sure the media have been that harsh. They have truly been poor and I think they deserve to be where they are. The fact that the team is largely British just shows what a poor state the British youth set up is in. There are some decent players coming through, sure, but the depth of quality is missing.


BAP - Lambert has been a victim of his success as much as Lerner's supposed reluctance to spend (I say 'reluctance' because Villa did spend £8.3m on Benteke). At Norwich, he fashioned a side out of no money and from the lower leagues, all while buying young, hungry English players. He's come in with the same task ahead, but his team has been found out so many times this year, especially defensively. Because of injuries and some bad signings (hello Ron Vlaar. You might have scored a blinder but you still can't defend), Lambert has had to blood in many youngsters. And, whilst people like Lowton have stepped up, others like Clark, Baker and Bannan are still subdued by the responsibility. This is especially disappointing from  Clark and Bannan who were meant to be the brightest prospects to come out of the Villa academy for years. But I do think criticism has been fair to Lambert as some of his signings have been very poor, and his team is unorganised, which is down to him as much as the players.
As for Bentekkers, I don't think he's world class. He reminds me of Demba Ba and Papiss Cisse (of last season that is, because Papiss has done his best George W Bush impression and gone AWOL), and you wouldn't call them world class, would you? I do see the potential in Bentekkers to be a very good player, he's got everything going for him. By the way, his great season has made us forget two things: 1) Andreas Weimann is also having a very, very good season and look a tidy little player, and 2) Gabriel Agbonlahor has become really, really average. As in, Fernando Torres-like fall from grace. Except he was never that good to start with. And he hasn't become as bad. But you get my point.

Papiss Cissé doing the George W Bush


4. WBA v WIgan

Are Wigan as good as relegated after Monday night’s massive win for Villa or do you still give them a chance of beating the drop? And is the FA Cup final against Man City, impressive as it may be, a major hindrance for Martinez’s men in their quest for survival?

CHAKA - I think they are toast to be honest; however, they do have a game in hand on those around them. If they had held out for a win against Spurs at the weekend, I think they could have done it. The fact that Figueroa is out for the rest of the season isn't going to help either. 

Wigan - according to Chakademus


KD – Unfortunately I think Wigan’s premier league dream is over. I love Wigan and I love Roberto Martinez. Maybe I will rephrase: I love Wigan because I love Roberto Martinez. I think they will end up ‘doing a Portsmouth’; achieving so much in a competition that ultimately counts for nothing if you are relegated from the most financially generous league in the world. And let’s face it, they almost certainly won’t win the final.

BAP - I wouldn't put it past Wigan to pull it off, not only because they've done it before, but most importantly because teams like Newcastle (surprisingly), Sunderland (less surprisingly) and Villa are also quite s**t. Newcastle are certainly doing their utmost to join the relegation party. It's also quite impressive that there's even talk of Wigan surviving. After all, their team isn't reall full of quality. Need I mention Alcaraz and others? Thank god for Emerson Boyce. I don't think the FA Cup final will be that much of a distraction: if they win, it'll spur them on to survive and, if they lose, it should do the same. Of course, the disappointment of losing or the surreal joy of winning might make them forget about everything else, but Wigan are a team which clearly listen to their manager, and I don't see Martinez going all crazy or depressed because of the FA Cup final.

5.     West Ham v Newcastle

Big Sam hosts his old team with West Ham sitting comfortably above the Toon Army in the league table. Was larger than life Mike Ashley wrong to sack Big Sam and delusional to award Alan Pardew that 8 year contract?

CHAKA - As much as Big Sam makes me laugh and I appreciate for being a manager that speaks his mind; it wasn't an error to sack him. If I wanted to watch route one, lump it up to the big front man football; I'd go across the road to my local park on a Sunday morning. 
The 8 year contract was a real shock; especially after the sacking of Hughton. I do like Pards but an 8 year contract is an outrageous risk. I can honestly say that the Toon's performance in their 0-6 thrashing by Liverpool at the weekend was one of the most pathetic displays of football (especially at home) I have ever seen. He has a lot to do to instill some sense of pride and fight into his team for their last 3 games... 

KD - Delusional on the 8 year contract for sure! Who does that nowadays?!?! I know England love a 5 year contract for a one-year manager but 8 years is just Luda! I like Big Sam, he is a cracking manager. If he starves off that impending heart attack and get’s a reasonable summer transfer kitty I can see them finishing mid-table again next season. If either of the above don’t happen, they are going down.

Mike Ashley's decision-making: Luda!

BAP - It was wrong to sack Sam, even at the time. Newcastle were comfortable and that's where they deserved to be. But I guess his sacking did help takng Newcastle down, which in turn finally sorted the place out and brought some common sense to delusional fans thinking of Premier League glory. The 8 year contract was ridiculous: a 4 year contract (not unheard of) would have been enough to show faith in Pards. But I'm sure that contract has a lot of very helpful clauses to get rid of Pardew. It must be flexible. And Ashley knows what he's doing, business-wise. He's run the club fantastically well since they went down, and perhaps Tony Fernandes can learn from Ashley's experience, although I doubt he will due to his massive ego.

So sacking Sam was sort of wrong, but his style of football is also just Kieron Dyer. It's embarrassing really. Just slightly better than Stoke in my eyes. As for Pards, is he the man of the hour? I don't think he's that great, so an 8-year contract (already a lot for any manager) is a bit uncalled for. Superb beard though. If he keeps it, I don't mind having him in the Prem for 8 years. Glorious.

6.     Spurs v Southampton

So after an exceptional season Gareth Bale has been crowned PFA Player and Young player of the season. Whilst there cannot be too many complaints about his Young Player award, was he really the best player in the league this season or can top scorer RVP and top cannibal Luis Suarez feel aggrieved to have been overlooked by their fellow professionals? Also shouldn’t the voting take place after the season has officially ended? And finally where will Bale be playing his football next season?

CHAKA - Firstly, there was no way Luis Suarez was going to win it. Not a chance. And in any case, no-one was going to vote for him for fear that he went after them with his nashers if he lost... The fact that Bale won both the young and overall awards was odd. I think RVP deserved the old man/salt and pepper one. He'll probably win the golden clog though so he'll happy with that. 
If Spurs make Champions League, I think he'll stay. If not; I could see him making the traditional Spurs-Man Utd move or to the blue side of Manchester. For some reason I don't see him going to Europe just yet.

KD - Good point. I am surprised that RVP didn’t win; I am not surprised that Suarez didn’t win (just because someone who sets such a bad example will struggle to win awards and, in my opinion, rightly so). Bale was immense this season gone and I’m sure many clubs will be enquiring over his signature this summer. I can’t tell if he will leave or not. Indeed, I’m not p-sychic. I would love to see him stay in the premier league, and I think AVB has the ability to convince him. We also know that Daniel Levy is an extremely tough negotiator and very stubborn when necessary (see Luka Modric fiasco), so if he decides to put his foot down then Bale may not get a choice!

BAP - Bale will stay at Spurs. Where would he go? He doesn't fit the Real Madrid "worlwide superstar" kind of signing, he doesn't fit Barca's way of playing, Bayern don't really need him and PSG aren't interested. Who else is going to buy him? If Spurs got £35m for Berbatov at 28, how much do you think they'll ask for Bale if Man Utd come sniffing. And I do believe bale is clever enough not to go to Man City or Chelsea. So he'll stay.

As to whether he's the best player this season, I'm not so sure. He has scored a lot of goals for his club and Spurs do depend on him. So have Liverpool and Man Utd with Suarez and RVP respectively. Perhaps even more, even though RVP does have Carrick to help him out (don't laugh). Mata was good but not flashy enough I feel. As for Hazard, he's had a very good, underrated first season in the Prem. Crazy considering he cost £30m. So Bale probably just edged it, but I have a feeling Suarez would have won it if he hadn't done all his shenanigans. Good thing for Bale actually, because we all remember of much he dived early in the season. I mean, 5 yellow cards just for diving? We seem to have forgotten that pretty quickly!

Bale in full flight

7.     QPR v Arsenal

So ‘Arry and Tony Fernandes are “definitely staying” at QPR but how many of their current players can you see playing in the Championship next season?

CHAKA - A lot will jump ship. Clint Hill will stay because he is a lionheart and a true leader of men; but a lot of them will consider themselves too superior to play in the Champ and go elsewhere.

KD - About three of that current squad are man enough for the championship. I think there will be an overhaul this summer with Fernandes losing mega dosh on most of the big names just in order to get them off the wage bill. Of that squad, here is a list of players I don’t see being there (unless just to keep picking up the gash and playing in the reserves) next season:
Julio Cesar, Bosingwa, Fabio, Samba, M’Bia, Granero, Taarabt, Park, Remy, Cisse, Zamora
Having said that, I think the players that might stay that are, at least on paper, decent players are: Green, Onuoha, Young, SWP, Hoilett, Johnson, Mackie, and Bothroyd (I use the term ‘decent’ very generously).

BAP - What I do like with that QPR team, in a certain twisted kind of way, is that it's so obvious who cares and who doesn't, because the players simply don't hide it. Clint Hill? Cares. Jose Bosingwa? Could not care less. Too busy joking around with Daniel Carrico after the draw which sent their teams down. Kudos, boys. Way to show you care. This comment also clearly applies to Adel Taarabt (only cares about himself) Chris Samba, Park Ji-Sung (well done on naming him your captain Mark Hughes!), Armand Traore, Nedum Onuoha, Shaun Wright-Phillips and...well, pretty much the whole of the team.

We all know what's going to happen now. We're going to hear players coming out in the press saying they want to help QPR bounce back (we heard that from Granero already) because the fans are so great, it has great potential, the owners are lovely and London is lovely this time of year. Then we'll see a mad, unofficial rush to get released or transferred for cheap. There's fighting talk from Fernandes about not letting any players go, and not needing to, but the club is haemorraging (hope that's the right way it's spelt) money as we speak, so they'll have to let players go.

Remy is already gone, Samba will somehow find a team despite being abysmal since his return, Granero should leave to a better club, and someone stupid will bet on SWP 'rediscovering his form'. And Julio Cesar will do well to get out of there.

The rest will be back. Expect Taarabt to still be there and behave like a spoilt little brat. Either that or some idiotic manager will buy him, play him down the left wing and be surprised that he's misbehaving.

Basically, to answer your question, I have no idea who'll still be there next season apart from Clint Hill.

Lionheart Clint Hill


8.     Liverpool v Everton

Simply put, which of these Merseyside clubs has had the better season and why?

CHAKA - Had this question been asked a few months ago, I would have said Everton. However they have had a bit of a shakey spell since their FA Cup exit. Liverpool were very slow out of the blocks at the start of the year but have grown steadily stronger and more unified and demolished the Toon. What Rodgers is doing is certainly working but is taking time. 
I think overall I'll have to say Everton but if they lose Moyes this summer they will be in trouble. I see a much brighter year for Liverpool next year. I sound like Mystic Meg...

KD - Big game, big game! Everton, definitely. Liverpool’s season slowly warmed up after January but, ultimately, Everton have bettered their neighbours once more. Ouch!

BAP – Very good question that. Can we qualify Everton's season as a success considering they are exactly where they should be? Can we say Liverpool have done well considering they're nowhere close to where they think (crazily by the way) they should be? Liverpool have made the better signings, although I'd like to know what Assaidi is here for. Seriously, is he a professional footballer? Is he Brendan Rodgers' cleaner? Questions that need answers.

Liverpool are obviously better set for the future, and seem to have found a footballing style which might pay dividends if they manage to teach Jordan Henderson how to take a touch and Stewart Downing how to cross/shoot/use his right foot/lift his head up/pass properly. Getting Martin Skrtel to remember what defending is would also be valuable, as Carra can't be there forever. And finally, Joe Allen? Positives and negatives no doubt.

Everton have been the most consistent team whilst Liverpool have been more impressive if you count out their ugly start to the season. Make out of that what you will.


9.     Man U v Chelsea

Where do both of these clubs need to strengthen for next season?

CHAKA - Man Utd - a bulldozer in central midfield. Now that Paul Scholes is done I miss the hilarity of his tackling. We need that back with someone else. Chelsea - a new centre back I think. I'd love to see Chiellini in the Premiership.

Chiellini would be great in the Premier League


KD - Man Utd: Both flanks and a central midfielder (some may say centre back, but Fergie seems to think not)
Chelsea: Central defence and a striker

BAP - Man Utd, without a shadow of a doubt. Surprising? Not really. Their best players are too old and will break down eventually. Vidic has already started, we all know Rio can play 3 games a week (except for England, when he can't play once a week) but his back is broken, RVP is due a long-term injury (sad thing to say) and dependable Carrick is the wrong side of 30 (and criminally underrated). And remember, Patrice Evra is their starting left-back. That's the guy who can't be arsed to run back when he's lost the ball up the pitch. And he's their left back! Can we also stop talking about Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes? They're irrelevant now.

United's younger players are getting there but are still not anything close to good enough to lead a title challenge by themselves. And certainly not good enough for Champions League glory. Please don't give me any of that "Phil Jones is the next England captain" crap. FYI, Phil Jones is one year older than Raphael Varane of Real Madrid, and look at the difference in composure, tactical and technical ability! A bit harsh, no doubt, but Jones isn't there yet. Oh, and another news flash: Danny Welbeck is not good enough. There. I said it. As for Tom Cleverley, Chris Smalling and Rafael, the jury is still out.

Apart from those 2 groups of players? Nani, Anderson, Ashley Young, Antonio Valencia (the Premier League's ultimate one-trick pony with his "run down the right hand side, stop, push the ball forward, cross" trick. A close second of course is Gareth Barry's beautiful "jog, control ball, avoid right foot, look up, avoid right foot, walk with ball, avoid right foot, 5 yard left foot pass" combination which has delighted Bobby Mancini for years), Jonny Evans. Yeah. That's what I thought too.

Chelsea don't need anything except stability. Their team is young, technical and growing. Maybe all they need is some depth at the back and in the holding mid positions. My advice? Get rid of JT and Lamps. You heard it here first. Oh, and maybe, somehow, arrange a money + Fernando Torres for Falcao deal. Pull at Atletico's heartstrings and maybe you'll get a player who a) knows how to score and b) is actually bothered about scoring.

10.  Sunderland v Stoke

Which of these clubs has been the most disappointing this season? And is Di Canio really the right manager for the Black Cats after their 6-1 drubbing on Monday night?


CHAKA - It certainly was a wake up call for Paolo; however, I do think he'll do a great job there. I think you'd have to say that over the course of the whole season Sunderland have been the more disappointing - what happened, Martin?

KD - Stoke have definitely been the most disappointing for me, simply because of their style of play. Whilst it was working for them, you could be forgiven for saying ‘sure, it may not be pretty, but you have to admire the fact that it is efficient, and managers are there to win games after all’; now, it’s far more like ‘it looks ugly, it doesn’t work, they’ve been found out and he’s run out of ideas’. I think Di Canio can be the right man, but then O’Neill couldn’t do it with the same players, and I rate him far more highly. I think the 6-1 was an embarrassingly dramatic ‘we’ve just won two games on the bounce’ complacency issue. I can see Stoke struggling again next season and being relegation candidates, whilst I feel Sunderland will probably settle around lower mid-table.


BAP - Both are unbelievably boring, so to see either of them maybe get relegated is not a disappointment in my book. I guess the bigger disappointment has been Sunderland: I liked Martin O'Neill and thought he bought some adventurous players over the summer. OK, Steven Fletcher isn't really 'adventurous', but at least Martin bought some attacking players. Thanks for performing so well Adam Johnson. But what do you expect when you have no creativity in midfield and your defence is marshalled by John 'goalscoring machine' O'Shea? Who always played left-back for Man Utd. Ouch.

As for Stoke, same old, same old. Boring, uninspiring. Just can't wait to see them go down next year. And I'm starting to wonder whether Tony Pulis a Ne-Yo 'I'm always wearing a hat because I've got a deformed face' thing going on. I know we see him give interviews after games, but surely he's had time to put a prosthesis on in the changing room. The people need to know!

Di Canio is a joke. That's all I'll say. He talks too much.