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Friday 3 May 2013
Wally's Mayday Round Table: Ludacris, Chiellini and George W Bush and no this is not a game of Shag, Marry, Avoid.
23:54 | 
Posted by
Bappo |
1.
Swansea
v Man City
In spite of their amazing season, there
is no denying that Swansea have taken their foot off the gas since their League
Cup triumph. Was this inevitable or should Mr Laudrup and Co shoulder some
responsibility for this sheer complacency?
CHAKA - I think it was
inevitable really. They had their cup win and place in Europe next year sewed
up and have checked out early. There wasn't much more for them to play for and
that shows in their rather lacklustre performances since then. I'm not excusing
it and I think Laurdrup should have done more to keep the momentum going
because, as it stands, they will start next season very much on the back foot.
KD
- Swansea have undoubtedly performed incredibly well this season. I think it is
to be expected to a certain degree; all the players are likely fatigued (there
isn’t a lot of rotation in that very small squad!) and I think the early season
efforts have taken their toll. For me, Swansea’s summer policy should be to add
depth if they are to maintain their premier league standing.
BAP -
Sure they've taken their foot off the gas, but what's the point in fighting for
8th rather than 12th? The financial differences aren't massive, and Swansea are
already guaranteed European football next year. Considering they've basically
been assured of Premier League safety since January, I think it's only fair
that they've relaxed. Complacency? Sure, and I'm pretty positive even Laudrup
himself has let himself go a little bit. Inevitable? Probably. But I wouldn't
put it past Laudrup to have been planning for next season already whilst his
players casually see the season out. Enjoyable for everyone involved.
 |
| Congratulations Michael but keep up the hard work! |
2.
Fulham
v Reading
Where are the key areas that Reading need
to strengthen for next season. And which, if any, of their players do you think
are good enough to playi in the Premier League next season.
CHAKA - I don't think
they will necessarily need to strengthen next year. They are a competent Championship
side and unfortunately therein lies the problem. They needed to strengthen
before moving up to the Prem but didn't do so. I saw an interview with Adam Le
Fondre this week and he stated his possible intentions to leave; however, do a
few super-sub goals make you worthy of playing in the top flight? I have my
doubts to be honest.
KD - Pretty much all of them. This might be slightly unfair (I’m
obviously just frustrated that we’ve been relegated – even if it was blatantly
expected), but I am worried that some of the current players will not be up for
the championship fight. I feel the most important transfer work Adkins and his
team can do this summer is to recognise those players that are prepared to
stand tall and scrap week in, week out and sound out the dead wood – the
players on high wages that fancy one last pay cheque, a.k.a rinsing our
parachute payments – and ditch them a.s.a.p. My initial attention is on Danny
Guthrie and Pavel Pogrebnyak, and almost certainly Daniel Carrico! I do not
think many of our players are good enough for the Prem; perhaps Jem Karacan and
Adam Le Fondre. There is transfer mumbo jumbo surrounding Brendan Rodgers
seeing Alex Pearce as an ideal replacement for Carragher. As a Reading fan, let
me tell you, he is not. Alex Pearce is a very average defender, as are Sean
Morrison and Adrian Mariappa. Whatever we do, we must keep Alex McCarthy at the
club and in the first team. What a player!
 |
| Too much of this at Reading? |
BAP -
Reading were the Sylvan Ebanks-Blake of Premier League teams: great in the
Champo, not good enough in the Prem. There's no shame in that, and at least
they stuck to their beliefs, values and ideals. That's right QPR, that was a
dig right at you. You deserve it. reading should be fine in the
Championship. I don't think they'll go down again but they will struggle to go
back up, simply because motivation will be hard to find again and the
Championship is one of the most competitive leagues in the world. Reading won't
lose a lot of players because none of them really belongs in the Prem, but they
might need to freshen the place up a little bit. As for players good enough to play
in the Prem, I just know some team is going to buy Adam Le Fondre, even though
he has no Premier League quality. Whenever he's started a game this season,
he's been shit. Honestly. I do think that Alex McCarthy in goal would be a good
sneaky buy for some team ready to give a young English keeper a chance (West
Ham? Jussi is class but getting old), whilst Jem Karacan has the quality to
play for a team like Fulham or below them. Stephen Kelly has obviously got Prem
experience, but I'm not sure he's good enough anymore. Someone will put in a
stupid bid for Pav (heartstrings) Pogrebnyak even though he's been
shocking. Finally, I hope some team like Utd or City put in a bid for Mikele
Leigertwood. The boy is just class. That obviously was a joke. But don't put it
past City: after all, they did buy Jack Rodwell and Scott Sinclair last season.
We know how that ended up.
 |
| Bappo likens Reading to this man. |
3.
Norwich
v Villa
After their emphatic 6-1 win over Paolo
“I’m a fascist, not a racist” Di Canio’s team, has the media been unfairly
critical of Paul Lambert’s young, inexperienced and largely British team this
season? Also is Benteke world class? And where can you see Darren Bent next
season?
CHAKA - Something that
has annoyed me this year is the excuses, as well as unfair media criticism,
that have been made of the inexperience and youthfulness of Lambert's side.
They are the first XI of one of the most established clubs in England and, in
my eyes, shouldn't be judged any differently even if most of them haven't
started shaving yet. What Lambert is starting at Villa is comparable to Rodgers
at Liverpool, just with a far smaller budget. It is obviously going to take
time but I think overall he is doing admirably well.
At times they have been
truly diabolical and at others magnificent - thanks in large part to the
Belgian/Austrian pair up front. Any player that scores 18 (and maybe more)
goals in his first season (one behind the PFA Player of the Year) in a very
average, relegation-threatened side has had an extremely good year. Too early
to say he is 'world class' but he certainly could be.
Darren Bent is going to
join Palace over the summer. He and Glenn Murray will be unstoppable in the
2013/14 season. Who needs Wilfried Zaha?
| Great striker and he loves snowball fights - what's not to love? |
BAP
- Lambert has been a victim of his success as much as Lerner's supposed
reluctance to spend (I say 'reluctance' because Villa did spend £8.3m on
Benteke). At Norwich, he fashioned a side out of no money and from the lower
leagues, all while buying young, hungry English players. He's come in with the
same task ahead, but his team has been found out so many times this year,
especially defensively. Because of injuries and some bad signings (hello Ron
Vlaar. You might have scored a blinder but you still can't defend), Lambert has
had to blood in many youngsters. And, whilst people like Lowton have stepped
up, others like Clark, Baker and Bannan are still subdued by the
responsibility. This is especially disappointing from Clark and Bannan
who were meant to be the brightest prospects to come out of the Villa academy
for years. But I do think criticism has been fair to Lambert as some of his
signings have been very poor, and his team is unorganised, which is down to him
as much as the players.
As
for Bentekkers, I don't think he's world class. He reminds me of Demba Ba and
Papiss Cisse (of last season that is, because Papiss has done his best George W
Bush impression and gone AWOL), and you wouldn't call them world class, would
you? I do see the potential in Bentekkers to be a very good player, he's got
everything going for him. By the way, his great season has made us forget two
things: 1) Andreas Weimann is also having a very, very good season and look a
tidy little player, and 2) Gabriel Agbonlahor has become really, really
average. As in, Fernando Torres-like fall from grace. Except he was never that
good to start with. And he hasn't become as bad. But you get my point.
 |
| Papiss Cissé doing the George W Bush |
4.
WBA v WIgan
Are Wigan as good as relegated after
Monday night’s massive win for Villa or do you still give them a chance of
beating the drop? And is the FA Cup final against Man City, impressive as it
may be, a major hindrance for Martinez’s men in their quest for survival?
CHAKA - I think they are
toast to be honest; however, they do have a game in hand on those around them.
If they had held out for a win against Spurs at the weekend, I think they could
have done it. The fact that Figueroa is out for the rest of the season isn't
going to help either.
 |
| Wigan - according to Chakademus |
KD –
Unfortunately I think Wigan’s premier league dream is over. I love Wigan and I
love Roberto Martinez. Maybe I will rephrase: I love Wigan because I love Roberto Martinez. I
think they will end up ‘doing a Portsmouth’; achieving so much in a competition
that ultimately counts for nothing if you are relegated from the most
financially generous league in the world. And let’s face it, they almost
certainly won’t win the final.
BAP -
I wouldn't put it past Wigan to pull it off, not only because they've done it
before, but most importantly because teams like Newcastle (surprisingly),
Sunderland (less surprisingly) and Villa are also quite s**t. Newcastle are
certainly doing their utmost to join the relegation party. It's also quite
impressive that there's even talk of Wigan surviving. After all, their team
isn't reall full of quality. Need I mention Alcaraz and others? Thank god for
Emerson Boyce. I don't think the FA Cup final will be that much of a
distraction: if they win, it'll spur them on to survive and, if they lose, it
should do the same. Of course, the disappointment of losing or the surreal joy
of winning might make them forget about everything else, but Wigan are a team
which clearly listen to their manager, and I don't see Martinez going all crazy
or depressed because of the FA Cup final.
5.
West
Ham v Newcastle
Big Sam hosts his old team with West Ham
sitting comfortably above the Toon Army in the league table. Was larger than
life Mike Ashley wrong to sack Big Sam and delusional to award Alan Pardew that
8 year contract?
CHAKA - As much as Big
Sam makes me laugh and I appreciate for being a manager that speaks his mind;
it wasn't an error to sack him. If I wanted to watch route one, lump it up to
the big front man football; I'd go across the road to my local park on a Sunday
morning.
The 8 year contract was a
real shock; especially after the sacking of Hughton. I do like Pards but an 8
year contract is an outrageous risk. I can honestly say that the Toon's
performance in their 0-6 thrashing by Liverpool at the weekend was one of the
most pathetic displays of football (especially at home) I have ever seen. He
has a lot to do to instill some sense of pride and fight into his team for
their last 3 games...
KD -
Delusional on the 8 year contract for sure! Who does that nowadays?!?! I know
England love a 5 year contract for a one-year manager but 8 years is just Luda!
I like Big Sam, he is a cracking manager. If he starves off that impending
heart attack and get’s a reasonable summer transfer kitty I can see them
finishing mid-table again next season. If either of the above don’t happen,
they are going down.
| Mike Ashley's decision-making: Luda! |
BAP
- It was wrong to sack Sam, even at the time. Newcastle were comfortable and
that's where they deserved to be. But I guess his sacking did help takng
Newcastle down, which in turn finally sorted the place out and brought some
common sense to delusional fans thinking of Premier League glory. The 8 year
contract was ridiculous: a 4 year contract (not unheard of) would have been
enough to show faith in Pards. But I'm sure that contract has a lot of very
helpful clauses to get rid of Pardew. It must be flexible. And Ashley knows
what he's doing, business-wise. He's run the club fantastically well since
they went down, and perhaps Tony Fernandes can learn from Ashley's experience,
although I doubt he will due to his massive ego.
So
sacking Sam was sort of wrong, but his style of football is also just Kieron
Dyer. It's embarrassing really. Just slightly better than Stoke in my eyes. As
for Pards, is he the man of the hour? I don't think he's that great, so an
8-year contract (already a lot for any manager) is a bit uncalled for. Superb
beard though. If he keeps it, I don't mind having him in the Prem for 8 years.
Glorious.
6.
Spurs
v Southampton
So after an exceptional season Gareth
Bale has been crowned PFA Player and Young player of the season. Whilst there
cannot be too many complaints about his Young Player award, was he really the
best player in the league this season or can top scorer RVP and top cannibal
Luis Suarez feel aggrieved to have been overlooked by their fellow
professionals? Also shouldn’t the voting take place after the season has
officially ended? And finally where will Bale be playing his football next
season?
CHAKA - Firstly, there
was no way Luis Suarez was going to win it. Not a chance. And in any case,
no-one was going to vote for him for fear that he went after them with his
nashers if he lost... The fact that Bale won both the young and overall awards
was odd. I think RVP deserved the old man/salt and pepper one. He'll probably
win the golden clog though so he'll happy with that.
If Spurs make Champions
League, I think he'll stay. If not; I could see him making the traditional
Spurs-Man Utd move or to the blue side of Manchester. For some reason I don't
see him going to Europe just yet.
KD -
Good point. I am surprised that RVP didn’t win; I am not surprised that Suarez
didn’t win (just because someone who sets such a bad example will struggle to
win awards and, in my opinion, rightly so). Bale was immense this season gone
and I’m sure many clubs will be enquiring over his signature this summer. I
can’t tell if he will leave or not. Indeed, I’m not p-sychic. I would love to
see him stay in the premier league, and I think AVB has the ability to convince
him. We also know that Daniel Levy is an extremely tough negotiator and very
stubborn when necessary (see Luka Modric fiasco), so if he decides to put his
foot down then Bale may not get a choice!
BAP
- Bale will stay at Spurs. Where would he go? He doesn't fit the Real Madrid
"worlwide superstar" kind of signing, he doesn't fit Barca's way of
playing, Bayern don't really need him and PSG aren't interested. Who else is
going to buy him? If Spurs got £35m for Berbatov at 28, how much do you think
they'll ask for Bale if Man Utd come sniffing. And I do believe bale is clever
enough not to go to Man City or Chelsea. So he'll stay.
As to
whether he's the best player this season, I'm not so sure. He has scored a lot
of goals for his club and Spurs do depend on him. So have Liverpool and Man Utd
with Suarez and RVP respectively. Perhaps even more, even though RVP does have
Carrick to help him out (don't laugh). Mata was good but not flashy enough I
feel. As for Hazard, he's had a very good, underrated first season in the Prem.
Crazy considering he cost £30m. So Bale probably just edged it, but I have a
feeling Suarez would have won it if he hadn't done all his shenanigans. Good
thing for Bale actually, because we all remember of much he dived early in the
season. I mean, 5 yellow cards just for diving? We seem to have forgotten that
pretty quickly!
 |
| Bale in full flight |
7.
QPR
v Arsenal
So ‘Arry and Tony Fernandes are
“definitely staying” at QPR but how many of their current players can you see
playing in the Championship next season?
CHAKA - A lot will jump
ship. Clint Hill will stay because he is a lionheart and a true leader of men;
but a lot of them will consider themselves too superior to play in the Champ
and go elsewhere.
KD
- About three of that current squad are man enough for the championship. I
think there will be an overhaul this summer with Fernandes losing mega dosh on
most of the big names just in order to get them off the wage bill. Of that
squad, here is a list of players I don’t see being there (unless just to keep
picking up the gash and playing in the reserves) next season:
Julio
Cesar, Bosingwa, Fabio, Samba, M’Bia, Granero, Taarabt, Park, Remy, Cisse,
Zamora
Having
said that, I think the players that might stay that are, at least on paper,
decent players are: Green, Onuoha, Young, SWP, Hoilett, Johnson, Mackie, and
Bothroyd (I use the term ‘decent’ very generously).
BAP
- What I do like with that QPR team, in a certain twisted kind of way, is that
it's so obvious who cares and who doesn't, because the players simply don't
hide it. Clint Hill? Cares. Jose Bosingwa? Could not care less. Too busy joking
around with Daniel Carrico after the draw which sent their teams down. Kudos,
boys. Way to show you care. This comment also clearly applies to Adel Taarabt
(only cares about himself) Chris Samba, Park Ji-Sung (well done on naming him
your captain Mark Hughes!), Armand Traore, Nedum Onuoha, Shaun Wright-Phillips
and...well, pretty much the whole of the team.
We
all know what's going to happen now. We're going to hear players coming out in
the press saying they want to help QPR bounce back (we heard that from Granero
already) because the fans are so great, it has great potential, the owners are
lovely and London is lovely this time of year. Then we'll see a mad, unofficial
rush to get released or transferred for cheap. There's fighting talk from
Fernandes about not letting any players go, and not needing to, but the club is
haemorraging (hope that's the right way it's spelt) money as we speak, so
they'll have to let players go.
Remy
is already gone, Samba will somehow find a team despite being abysmal since his
return, Granero should leave to a better club, and someone stupid will bet on
SWP 'rediscovering his form'. And Julio Cesar will do well to get out of there.
The
rest will be back. Expect Taarabt to still be there and behave like a spoilt
little brat. Either that or some idiotic manager will buy him, play him down
the left wing and be surprised that he's misbehaving.
Basically,
to answer your question, I have no idea who'll still be there next season apart
from Clint Hill.
 |
| Lionheart Clint Hill |
8.
Liverpool
v Everton
Simply put, which of these Merseyside
clubs has had the better season and why?
CHAKA - Had this question
been asked a few months ago, I would have said Everton. However they have had a
bit of a shakey spell since their FA Cup exit. Liverpool were very slow out of
the blocks at the start of the year but have grown steadily stronger and more
unified and demolished the Toon. What Rodgers is doing is certainly working but
is taking time.
I think overall I'll have
to say Everton but if they lose Moyes this summer they will be in trouble. I
see a much brighter year for Liverpool next year. I sound like Mystic Meg...
KD -
Big game, big game! Everton, definitely. Liverpool’s season slowly warmed up
after January but, ultimately, Everton have bettered their neighbours once
more. Ouch!
BAP
– Very good question that. Can we qualify Everton's season as a success
considering they are exactly where they should be? Can we say Liverpool have
done well considering they're nowhere close to where they think (crazily by the
way) they should be? Liverpool have made the better signings, although I'd like
to know what Assaidi is here for. Seriously, is he a professional footballer?
Is he Brendan Rodgers' cleaner? Questions that need answers.
Liverpool
are obviously better set for the future, and seem to have found a footballing
style which might pay dividends if they manage to teach Jordan Henderson how to
take a touch and Stewart Downing how to cross/shoot/use his right foot/lift his
head up/pass properly. Getting Martin Skrtel to remember what defending is
would also be valuable, as Carra can't be there forever. And finally, Joe
Allen? Positives and negatives no doubt.
Everton
have been the most consistent team whilst Liverpool have been more impressive
if you count out their ugly start to the season. Make out of that what you
will.
9.
Man
U v Chelsea
Where do both of these clubs need to
strengthen for next season?
CHAKA - Man Utd - a
bulldozer in central midfield. Now that Paul Scholes is done I miss the
hilarity of his tackling. We need that back with someone else. Chelsea - a new
centre back I think. I'd love to see Chiellini in the Premiership.
 |
| Chiellini would be great in the Premier League |
KD
- Man Utd: Both flanks and a central midfielder (some may say centre back, but
Fergie seems to think not)
Chelsea:
Central defence and a striker
BAP
- Man Utd, without a shadow of a doubt. Surprising? Not really. Their best
players are too old and will break down eventually. Vidic has already started,
we all know Rio can play 3 games a week (except for England, when he can't play
once a week) but his back is broken, RVP is due a long-term injury (sad thing
to say) and dependable Carrick is the wrong side of 30 (and criminally
underrated). And remember, Patrice Evra is their starting left-back. That's the
guy who can't be arsed to run back when he's lost the ball up the pitch. And
he's their left back! Can we also stop talking about Ryan Giggs and Paul
Scholes? They're irrelevant now.
United's
younger players are getting there but are still not anything close to good
enough to lead a title challenge by themselves. And certainly not good enough
for Champions League glory. Please don't give me any of that "Phil Jones
is the next England captain" crap. FYI, Phil Jones is one year older than
Raphael Varane of Real Madrid, and look at the difference in composure,
tactical and technical ability! A bit harsh, no doubt, but Jones isn't there
yet. Oh, and another news flash: Danny Welbeck is not good enough. There. I
said it. As for Tom Cleverley, Chris Smalling and Rafael, the jury is still
out.
Apart
from those 2 groups of players? Nani, Anderson, Ashley Young, Antonio Valencia
(the Premier League's ultimate one-trick pony with his "run down the right
hand side, stop, push the ball forward, cross" trick. A close second of
course is Gareth Barry's beautiful "jog, control ball, avoid right foot,
look up, avoid right foot, walk with ball, avoid right foot, 5 yard left foot
pass" combination which has delighted Bobby Mancini for years), Jonny
Evans. Yeah. That's what I thought too.
Chelsea
don't need anything except stability. Their team is young, technical and
growing. Maybe all they need is some depth at the back and in the holding mid
positions. My advice? Get rid of JT and Lamps. You heard it here first. Oh, and
maybe, somehow, arrange a money + Fernando Torres for Falcao deal. Pull at
Atletico's heartstrings and maybe you'll get a player who a) knows how to score
and b) is actually bothered about scoring.
10. Sunderland v Stoke
Which of these clubs has been the most
disappointing this season? And is Di Canio really the right manager for the
Black Cats after their 6-1 drubbing on Monday night?
CHAKA - It certainly was
a wake up call for Paolo; however, I do think he'll do a great job there. I
think you'd have to say that over the course of the whole season Sunderland
have been the more disappointing - what happened, Martin?
KD -
Stoke have definitely been the most disappointing for me, simply because of
their style of play. Whilst it was working for them, you could be forgiven for
saying ‘sure, it may not be pretty, but you have to admire the fact that it is
efficient, and managers are there to win games after all’; now, it’s far more
like ‘it looks ugly, it doesn’t work, they’ve been found out and he’s run out
of ideas’. I think Di Canio can be the right man, but then O’Neill couldn’t do
it with the same players, and I rate him far more highly. I think the 6-1 was
an embarrassingly dramatic ‘we’ve just won two games on the bounce’ complacency
issue. I can see Stoke struggling again next season and being relegation
candidates, whilst I feel Sunderland will probably settle around lower
mid-table.
BAP
- Both are unbelievably boring, so to see either of them maybe get relegated is
not a disappointment in my book. I guess the bigger disappointment has been
Sunderland: I liked Martin O'Neill and thought he bought some adventurous
players over the summer. OK, Steven Fletcher isn't really 'adventurous', but at
least Martin bought some attacking players. Thanks for performing so well Adam
Johnson. But what do you expect when you have no creativity in midfield and
your defence is marshalled by John 'goalscoring machine' O'Shea? Who always
played left-back for Man Utd. Ouch.
As
for Stoke, same old, same old. Boring, uninspiring. Just can't wait to see them
go down next year. And I'm starting to wonder whether Tony Pulis a Ne-Yo 'I'm
always wearing a hat because I've got a deformed face' thing going on. I know
we see him give interviews after games, but surely he's had time to put a
prosthesis on in the changing room. The people need to know!
Di
Canio is a joke. That's all I'll say. He talks too much.
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