Wally with a Brolly

Watching football on TV infuriates me more and more at the moment. MOTD has a lot to do with that, with Hansen becoming complacent and a stereotype whilst Alan Shearer is still Alan Shearer, with all that it entails.

ITV is better of course, insulting every football fan across the land by having us believe Adrian Chiles is the man for the job because 'he's just like us'. Sorry ITV but unless you believe we think of ourselves as ignorant buffoons then you're seriously mistaken. Adrian Chiles is incompetent, unlikeable and unbelievably annoying. And him earning more than £1m per year means he has nothing in common with the majority of football fans. So thanks for that view you have of us.

Adrian Chiles: with a beard like that he's definitely not like you or me.

And I haven't even mentioned ITV's choice of pundits.

Southgate? Failure as a manager. Partnered Jeremie Aliadiere with Afonso Alves.

Aliadiere and Alves: Southgate's recipe for success. Or the reason he's on ITV.

Keane? Not only is he a despicable human being but he's such a great manager that he now has a choice between Kasimpasa (who?) and Blackburn.

Dixon? The guy wasn't competent enough to cut it at the BBC. That's quite a statement.

I could also rant at commentators' ignorance of anything beyond the Premier League. Cazorla? According to one pundit, "Arsene Wenger took a lot of stick and a big risk signing him this summer, but he's exceeded expectations." That statement is just idiotic in so many ways.

But no I'm not going to have a massive rant at these issues. What I am going to have a go at is people's schizophrenia when it comes to diving in the Premier League.

Let's rewind back to the 80s. I didn't get to see anything from that era, you know, due to me not being born yet. But we're constantly told that this was sort of a golden era.

Forget the institutionalised racism at the time, or the excessive and shameful hooliganism which (mostly) British 'fans' brought along with them. The 80s were the time when football was at its purest, when there was no diving, only fully-committed challenges between MEN.

Hoddle (left) 'barely tackled' by a Coventry players in the 80s. 'Football was better back then'.

Sure it was also the time when players such as Hoddle, Wilkins and Barnes were much-maligned whilst the Vinnie Joneses, Peter Reids and Terry Butchers of this world were celebrated. Primitive football was better because there was no diving, no cheating. Because there were no foreigners.

And then the 90s happened, and along came the Premier League and the Bosman affair. And so foreign players arrived in their masses and instigated a culture of diving never seen before on these shores. Or so we're told. Except that's just plain wrong. What foreign players brought at that time was skill, tactical awareness and an acute understanding of British culture.

Here are 5 quick names of foreign players who came to England in the early to mid-90s: Eric Cantona, Henning Berg, John Jensen, Dennis Bergkamp, Patrick Vieira. Now tell me which one you remember seeing dive.

John Jensen: you seriously think that man brought a diving culture with him?

Even the ones we thought would dive didn't. Jurgen Klinsmann made great fun of allegations of diving with his superb goal celebrations. Paolo Di Canio didn't dive, a referee did. Same thing for Zola and Juninho, and they were 5 ft 5 and Italian and Brzilian respectively. And let's be honest, if I'd been Gianfranco and I'd seen Gary Mabbutt or Razor Ruddock targeting me, I would have dived. Simply for safety purposes. But Gianfranco didn't.

So the argument of the 90s foreign footballers bringing a diving culture to these shores is just false.

These players didn't. What did bring diving to England was the rise of the Champions' League and the importance of results by any means. Very few foreigners playing for British clubs actually dived.

Of course the 00s did bring diving players to the Premier League. We all remember Didier Drogba throwing himself around despite being the biggest man on the pitch. We also remember Robert Pires shamelessly putting a leg out against Portsmouth to fall and earn himself a penalty.

I'll tell you what: I also remember Robbie Fowler diving over David Seaman in the 90s and earning a penalty. Oh sure he was sooooo chivalrous about it, going to the ref and saying there was no foul. How did that story end? Liverpool scored. Wasn't that achieved through cheating?

                  How can Robbie Fowler be 'honest' when he dives, wins a penalty and Liverpool score?

I also remember Robbie Savage, supposed hard man in the middle of the park, diving for Leicester against Derby County. I also clearly remember Steven Gerrard, Wayne Rooney and many other 'real' British players trying and sometimes managing to win penalties through diving.

                                         'Steven Gerrard wouldn't dive, he's English'. Sorry mate.



             'OK, maybe Gerrard. But not Rooney. He's too stupid and honest to dive'. Sorry again mate.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that a small minority of foreign players did dive, but so did a minority of British players, and that was before and during the 'invasion' of foreign players.

As we rolled into the 10s (is that how we're meant to call them?), diving is still prevalent and has rightly become an issue due to the incredible amount of footage available.

But who has committed the worst diving offences in the last 12 months? Of course Luis Suarez is up there. And he's the worst of them. But the two biggest culprits in my book after him are both English and both play for Manchester United. Welcome to the discussion Ashley Young and Danny Welbeck.



And this is why I hate the convenience of blaming foreign players for the diving and the ridiculous aspect of that argument. Not only is that a false statement, but English commentators take the moral high ground for defending their players.

Are you telling me Luis Suarez's dives in the box are worst than Young's or Welbeck's? All of them are trying to cheat and con the ref. So why is Suarez a 'cheat' but Welbeck and Young simply 'won' the penalty?

And how can British players take the moral high ground? Surely if Suarez has been brought up in a country where diving is seen as a positive then he's doing nothing morally wrong in his own culture. But if England is a place where diving has never been welcomed and encouraged, then why do people like Young and Welbeck have any moral leg to stand on? They're reneging their supposed cultural heritage. And isn't that worse than what Suarez is doing?

                 Everything that's wrong with pundits' behaviours. Because Welbeck is English, there's an assumption he didn't dive and was 'honest'. Sorry everyone, he's English and he's a diving cheat.

To conclude, all I'm asking for is consistency and fairness. Sure, diving happens quite a lot nowadays but it, just like football, is universal. It has no nationality, no colour, no language. It's just there. And the sooner we come to accept that, the easier it will be for us to combat it. So let's end the hypocrisy and condemn all players who dive.