Wally with a Brolly

Ho-ho-ho! No, that's not what Wayne Bridge leaves as a message on his ex's voicemail. It's just that, now that Christmas has just passed, we at Wally continue our regular Round Table with a review of 2012, and we look briefly at what 2013 has in store for us.

1- What would be your one football wish for 2013?

Westy: Arsene Wenger to actually see something he didn't want to.

Chaka Demus: This is going to be a fairly obvious one but I would wish for Palace to finish in the Top 2 and be promoted to the Prem. I can't take play-offs again. Although Holloway does seem to thrive in them. Autmoatic promotion would be appreciated. Please boys!

Crystal Palce: heading to the Premier League? That's what Chaka Demus wishes for.

Bappo: A reality check for all the people involved in football. Whether it's the semi-acceptance by all authorities that racially abusing a fellow footballer, or anyone for that matter, is worth only a few matches' ban, or a lesser fine than the one issed for showing your pants, it's shocking that football has become completely detached from real life. A reality check as well for journalists: listen to people rather than follow your own agenda. No one wanted Harry Redknapp as England manager except you, and there is no need to constantly berate and ridicule Roy Hodgson since he's been the most decent England manager for a while. And a reality check in the sense that we should stop the double standards: when an English/British player dives, it's a dive. Just name it so. And when Sir Alex behaves like a spolit child, punish him like one.

2- Looking back at 2012, what was your worst memory of that year?

Westy: United gifting Everton two goals to effectively hand the initiative to City. Then again, having started Jonny Evans the only surprise was that it hadn't happened earlier.

Chaka Demus: The penalty shoot-out against Italy.

Bappo: Chelsea. In everything they did. I don't think I need to add anything to that statement.

Bappo just threw up in his mouth

3- Looking back at 2012, what was your favourite memory of that year?

Westy: Much as I despise Chelsea, it's hard to top that Torres goal in Barcelona.  Then again, it has helped spawn that godawful "We know who we are" chant. A bunch of racists? The most hated team in England? Sycophantic pawns to amega-rich owner with bizarre flights of fancy? I could do this all day...



Chaka Demus: I will have to say all that happened in the aftermath of Fabrice Muamba's heart attack in March. Principally the fact that he survived of course.

It seems that 2012 has seen a resurgence of racism, violence and bigotry in football and that the 'beautiful game' is far from beautiful nowadays. The reaction of the crowd at White Hart Lane on the day, the outpouring of support during his recovery and the reception that he received on his return to both the Reebok and White Hart Lane show that for the most part football fans still have a great deal of humanity, compassion and love the game for the right reasons.


Bappo: The fact that we are reminded, sometimes, that football is a force for good. The reaction to Fabrice Muamba's heart attack and to Tito Vilanova's condition showed us that football fans can be good. Sometimes.

Real Madrid's support for Tito Vilanova: basic but heart-warming. What football can do.

4- Name your 5 players of 2012

Westy: Messi - full stop
            Ronaldo - arguably doing as good a job as Messi given that he's basically tying Real together at times.
            Mario Gotze - is fast becoming Europe's hottest prospect. His partnership with Reus is outstanding at times. Throwing Lewandowski and Blasczykowski into that mix is just unfair.
            Giorgio Chiellini - Juve had an outstanding year, and the big centre back played a huge role in their unbeaten season.
            Robin van Persie - he's finally turning in outstanding performances week after week. Great player.

Chaka Demus: Andrea Pirlo - for his hair, his beard and the fact that he totally dominated during the Euros.
                          Robin van Persie - thankfully he survived Ashley Williams' attempt on his life at the week-end! That really would have spoiled Sir Alex's Christmas RVP was unbelievable for Arsenal and he is unbelievable for Man Utd. Pure class.
                         Sergio Aguero - needs no introduction really. Hard-working, skillful, exciting to watch and capped off one of the greatest Premier League seasons ever with a goal deep in injury time against QPR. Brilliant.
                        Didier Drogba - Chelsea would not have won the FA Cup and Champions League without him. His play-acting aside, he has to be one of the best all-round players the Prem has ever seen.
                        Finally that little Argentinian fella who has scored nearly 100 goals this year...Messi I think his name is. Very tidy little player.

"A very tidy little player" according to Chaka Demus. Understatement of the year.

Bappo: Messi - Just incredible.
             Zlatan - Because not only is he arrogant but he's also the best 'real' striker in the world. He also won the league with AC Milan, scared the s**t out of France and England at the Euros and has been on superb form for PSG. Oh, and that goal.
             Andrea Pirlo - Because he led Juve to a Serie A title and probable Champions League glory (my dark horses). Because he was THE best player at Euro 2012. And because nobody quite combines that beard and hair combo and runs the game without ever running at full speed or actually tackling. An incredible player.
             Robin van Persie - Because, even though I'm not a huge fan of RvP as a person (arrogant, cocky, picks on the little players), he's still a superbly gifted player who scored at a Ronaldo-esque rate in the Premier League.
             Ronaldo - We simply forget how good he is. An awesome player and an actually very decent human being.

Andrea Pirlo: World football's best groomed player. And a decent footballer as well.

 5- Name your best game of 2012

Westy: Reading 5 - 7 Arsenal. Had this on Sky+ intending to watch the highlights, and it turned into the most entertaining game. Shame Reading couldn't quite go all the way and nick it at the end, but Chamakh's lob was a really good way to end it all. Amazing.

Chaka Demus: Man City vs QPR easily. Such drama! Unbelievable, Jeff! The look on Fergie's face when he thought he'd won it only to cut back to the Etihad and hear "AGUEROOOOOOOO!". Let's just say I'm glad that I was a neutral on that day.



Bappo: For pure entertainment, Sweden 4 - 2 England. I not only enjoyed it for Zlatan's absolute demonstration, but also because it finally showed to English fans that there are other things than the Premier League.

6- Name your 5 heroes of 2012

Westy: Javier Hernandez. Sure he isn't playing the whole time, but his contributions are superb and he's keeping United in this season's title race.
            Sergio Aguero. I know, it's a bold call from me, but that goal deserves it. Fair play.
            Messi. He's unreal, and it's no longer premature to call him the best player to ever grace the game. Just on a different level.
            RVP. For having a football kicked at him but living to tell the tale.
            Jack Wilshere. For spending over a year on the touchline to come back and be the only Arsenal player to give a ****.

           FABRICE MUAMBA

Is there really a need for any comment?

Chaka Demus: Roberto Martinez - he is a truly lovely man and he works miracles with the players that he has. Wigan's run of form at the end of last season was remarkable and this year they are playing some very good football but aren't getting the results they deserve. If they go down this year it'll be time for him to go to a better club.
                          Rafa Benitez - purely for the fact he doesn't give a toss what anyone thinks of him and just gets on with the job at hand. Fair play to you Senor.
                         Di Matteo - FA Cup and Champions League when they really should not have won either.             
                         Leon Osman.
                         Chris Hughton.

Bappo: Fabrice Muamba - For being alive and a great inspiration.
            Mark Clattenburg - Not for his refereeing but for his dignity when faced by the calomnious accusations from a group of players who should know something about racism.
             Psy - because I'm hoping that Peter Crouch will do 'Gangnam Style' next time he scores.
             David Luiz - for being who he is. Don't change who you are David.
             Zlatan Ibrahimovic - for being who he is. Don't change who you are Zlatan.
       

7- Name your 5 villains of 2012

Westy: Balotelli. What a clown.
            Joey Barton. See above.
            Arjen Robben/Messi. For missing penalties that could have sent the Champions League to a more worthy* winner (* they've deserved it before, but not this year)
           The Arsenal squad. For letting down your manager and your fans.
           Mark Hughes/Harry Redknapp/Anyone associated with QPR.

Chaka Demus: Joey Barton - I trust this needs no explanation.
                          John Terry - ditto. Him trying to get his hands on the Champions League trophy was a close second to losing to Italy as my worst memory of the past year.
                         Mario Balotelli - for stamping on Scotty Parker. He didn't get sent off and then went on to score the winning penalty.
                         Sergio Busquets - for ongoing diving, cheating and just generally being a disgrace of a human being and footballer.
                         Racist, cretinous, low-life c***s who call themselves football fans who shout and make obscene and offensive gestures towards players, referees and other fans which spoils the name of English football all over the world.

Bappo: Chelsea. Didn't deserve to win the Champions League, captain is a racist c**t they backed all the way, accused a decent man of (ironically?) being a racist, fans are awful, club is run like a joke.
             Stoke - for being who they are. The most soporific team in world football.
             Liverpool - see Chelsea. Daliglish and Suarez are especially at fault for turning a once-proud club into a joke. Suarez would have deserved his own mention but I thought it was nice to put the whole club on trial.
             Tony Fernandes - for screwing up QPR. Never been a fan of the R's but it's especially annoying to see someone with so much business acumen run a club that way.
             Joey Barton - for being who he is. I don't care what your views are on anything Joey. You should be in prison, just like your brother.

Predictable, but he's that much of an idiot. And I'm being polite.

8- Make 3 predictions for 2013

Westy: QPR to go down bitching and blaming everyone but themselves.
            United to sneak the title despite having a far worse squad than City or Chelsea.
            Liverpool's new start striker to get injured within a week.

Chaka Demus: Goal-line technology? Maybe? Or am I being too optimistic because it's Christmas? This is more of a wish than a prediction I guess.
                          Crystal Palace win the Championship and finish 2013 in the top half of the Premier League. Glorious.
                          Phil Brown decides that he likes gardening so much he starts a TVshow with Monty Don.

Wonderful.

Bappo: QPR go down and start a wonderful journey towards bankruptcy and League 2 within the next 5 years.
             Blackburn appoint Shebby Singh as manager with Steve Kean re-appointed as 'football consultant'.
             Owners across the UK panic and hand the likes of Iain Dowie, Phil Brown, Paul Ince, Steve Kean, Roy Keane some type of football-related job at their club.

9- What would be your team of 2012?

Westy:                                                    Buffon

Alves                                Chiellini                                   Kompany                                  Cole

                                        Marchisio                                Toure

Messi                                                        Silva                                                                Ronaldo

                                                               Falcao

Chaka Demus: Everton, I think. Or Cardiff.

Bappo:                                                    Neuer

Lahm                               Kompany                                     Ramos                                   Jordi Alba

                                        Pirlo                                            Toure

Messi                                                       Iniesta                                                               Ronaldo

                                                                Ibrahimovic

10- And finally, what would be your goal of 2012?

Westy: Zlatan against England. Why the **** would you even try that?


Chaka Demus: Sorry Westy, but it has to be Darren Ambrose's wonder strike against Man Utd in the Carling/Capital One/League/Coca-Cola Cup. This is definitely in my top 5 of all time. What a f***ing goal.


Bappo: I wanted to put Zlatan's goal, or Aguero's. But I discovered this one, from Belgian side Lokeren. Absolutely glorious. I witnessed beach soccer on grass,