Wally with a Brolly

During the 6 Nations, it seems as though football takes a (relative) back seat. It's all temporary of course. But Panth, writing here for the first time, disapproves of the football-bashing which goes on during those 6 weeks. Here are his views on the matter. Expect prose and lyricism

“Football is a gentleman’s game played by hooligans, and Rugby Union is a hooligans’ game played by gentlemen”.  Rarely does a conversation between football and rugby fans not contain this, admittedly rather witty, sentence justifying the supposed superiority of Rugby to its more popular Association ancestor.
I’m an ardent football fan writing on a football blog so let’s face it we all know which way my bias will lead me. Nevertheless surely all Rugby fans know this to be utter bollocks, and in any case its all just a bit of fun that no one truly believes to be a legitimate argument? I convince myself of this every single bloody year, and then the Six Nations rears into view and I increasingly come into contact with the Rugby fraternity.
It’s about this time that London’s pubs and bars become awash with City boys with perfectly quaffed hair and stupid rugby jerseys making silly sweeping statements about our beautiful game. Aside from the thinly veiled class snobbery, at the most basic level it shows a staggering lack of understanding of what goes on in their sport.

Good values or hypocrisy?

I’m not here to defend football. If I could I would ban 98% of the people involved in the playing, running, financing and support of football.  Indeed I happily enjoyed the final weekend of the six nations rugby, which offered up a fantastic finale of rugby, albeit somewhat humbling for an England fan. Also there is much to admire about rugby in that there seems to be far less of the jingoistic tribalism. Also on the whole Rugby player’s attitude to the referee is more respectful than footballs generally more confrontational aspect. Something which everyone can approve.

When the football v rugby question is raised by a brigade of London Pride wielding arses with upturned collars, two supposed tropes of football are raised as justification. The first is the off field indiscretions of football players and the second their on field sporting behaviour. I can’t deny either of the above aren’t a continual cause for concern. What I will not tolerate is the convenient gaps in Rugby fans history when they broach this subject. Some show such a gift for rewriting history that the Stasi would have been proud to number them among their ranks.

Off field indiscretions
John Terry, Ryan Giggs, and Ashley Cole. All prime examples of the football love rat that apparently so sets apart the filthy prols from their noble rugby opponents. Shall we add to the list Will Carling rugby love rat? A man who’s personal life was splashed all over the tabloids in the 90’s the suggesting being he had a penchant for extra-marital affairs which was rumoured to have included Princess Diana. Like Ryan Giggs here was a man labelled as a consummate pro with a clean-cut image.

Or how about the antics of the rugby team shortly following a fairly average performance against Argentina in the 2011 Rugby World Cup. Tindall was specifically singled out for bringing into disrepute English rugby and the Queen’s granddaughter no less, and that’s before we even get to his dwarf throwing habit!

Chris Ashton practising his passing skills...by using dwarves. The England 2011 World Cup debacle.

How about Dallaglio and his sting at the hands of the NotW in the 90’s when he was caught using and dealing  hard drugs. The former chorister is from better stock and should know better than to partake in the lowly antics of a professional footballer!

Dallaglio is no better than Cashley.

Lets not even start on England’s tour of New Zealand in 2008. I could go on but I think there is enough here already to suggest Rugby is not insulated from indiscretion and bedroom scandal. To decry football for such salacious behaviour is hypocrisy of the highest order. The most damming evidence I have had comes from friends who have the fortune of working in and around rugby (some as players), everyone of them to a man believes that if rugby had the same profile as football the level of scandal would be indistinguishable.

On field sporting behaviour
It seems to be the suggestion of the All Bar One brigade that Rugby works on some higher level of sportsmanship that its seedier brother football couldn’t even begin to comprehend let alone obtain. I am sure there is rugby fans that believe their stars have obtained such a level godliness that they don’t walk, but float unaided a few centimetres off the ground, presumably propelled by their own sense of self-satisfaction.

Oh so we are supposed to ignore the gouging, stamping, punching and kicking that occurs virtually on a game-to-game basis in the rucks and scrums of rugby? Now I am the first to decry the scourge of diving and its affect on the image of the beautiful game but surely the risk of long-term injury and permanent damage found in stamping and eye-gouging is far more scandalous than whether a player has gone to ground a tad too easily? I’d much rather be angry at an opponent for blatantly play-acting than looking up in anguish as my leg points in the wrong direction.

Ridiculous diving and simulation by that Lions player. Oh wait, he's just casually got his eyes gouged. Rugby is such a clean sport.

Finally, lest we forget; Bloodgate and Grannygate. Cheating that was of such high order that it managed to disrupt the virtually continuous and almost entirely football based news cycle of Sky Sports News. When Sky Sports News starts showing an interest beyond three minutes for something other than football you know either Team Sky cycling is being shamelessly plugged or a pact has been made with Beelzebub.
None of the above mentioned is acceptable, they taint the beauty of sporting endeavour and set an unhealthy example for our most impressionable children and idiots. BUT equally none of the above is exclusively confined to the Gentleman’s game. A Hooligans game played by Gentleman? Please!

Winking to those Sky Sports News 'journalists'